A new box arrived today from Amazon, the company that sends boxes!
I have a new box. Didn’t know if you knew that. Yeah, it’s awesome! It’s square, and made of cardboard, and you can sits in it.
After Big Buddy removed the irrelevant item inside — something that came in its own smaller box, which shall be investigated at a later time — I inspected the box from the inside and outside to make sure it was suitable.
Sure enough it turned out to be a good box, so I sat in it! Isn’t that awesome?
Who doesn’t love boxes? They’re so…boxy. You can sits in them. When you’re inside a box, you can see humans, but humans can’t see you. Also, boxes are cozy.
As one of the bravest cats on planet Earth, Buddy is uniquely qualified to advise scaredy cats who get easily freaked out by horror movies.
Dear Buddy,
My human likes to watch horror movies and they’re freaking me out! I can’t even look at mirrors since we watched Oculus, I jump at shadows ever since watching 30 Days of Night, and I wet my favorite napping spot the night we saw The Ring.
But it gets worse! My human spent almost two weeks watching a TV series called The Haunting of Hill House, which was so scary, scarier than vacuum cleaners and filled with terrifying scenes! It had all kinds of monsters and people dying and countless sinister-looking ghosts hidden in the background of every scene.
Buddy, I can’t sleep at night, even with my human. I’m scared of monsters in the closet or under the bed, and ghosts outside the bedroom door. I’m scared they’re gonna get me in my sleep!
Help me, Buddy!
Terrified in Tallahassee
Dear Tallahassee,
You’ve come to the right cat, amigo! Among our kind the name Buddy is synonymous with bravery as well as good looks and charm, and I’m known for keeping my cool in circumstances that would reduce lesser cats to frazzled, freaked-out messes.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret, one they don’t teach to just any cat or kitten: Get under the blankets!
Blankets: The secret weapon.
You see, blankets are about more than keeping those furless humans warm when they sleep. Blankets have magical properties that repel monsters and ghosts. They’re like shields or magic force fields!
Humans know that if you’re scared and you think there might be monsters in your home, the best solution is to get completely under the blankets, wrap yourself up nice and cozy and rest easy knowing the safety they will afford you until sunrise, when ghosts and monsters have to retreat or die in the sunlight. (Or was that vampires? I get things mixed up sometimes.)
Anyway, being the brave cat I am, I’m totally not scared of anything and I don’t have to hide under blankets. In fact, my human sleeps easy knowing that I’m guarding him. But if I were scared, Tallahassee, I’d dive under some magical blankets and feel my worries melt away.
Your fearless friend,
Buddy
Buddy is widely regarded as one of the bravest cats in the world.
Did you know Buddy is an accomplished poet and cat of letters?
Haiku:
The food of the gods
Turkey, it’s so delicious
More turkey, servant!
Time for seventh nap
Beauty rest is required
Sleep on you, human!
Mystical flower
Transforms boring to blissful
Give me catnip now!
Buddymandias:
I met a traveler from an antique cat cafe
Who said: “Two vast and polished turds
Stand in the litter…near them, in the disarray
Half sunk a shattered clump lies, resembling Los Gatos
With wrinkled lip and cold sneer of jealousy
Tell that its sculptor well read those passions and pathos
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless turds of heresy
The paw that mocked them, and the heart that fed
And taped to the box, these words appear:
‘Our name is Los Gatos, Gang of Gangs we led
Look upon my catnip empire, ye mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains round the decay
Of that colossal poop, boundless and bare
The lone and level litter stretches far away.”
The Raven
Once upon a midnight dreary I woke with something in my head
I couldn’t escape the memory of the poultry in my head
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift, I could not believe my eyes
When I heard through the voice of a trusted Big Buddy
Who used to humor me and feed me fries, yeah humor me and feed me fries
Quothe the raven: “Nevermore!”
“Shut up, raven!” I said. “Or I’ll make you into a late night snack
You may not be turkey, but every kind of bird I shall attack
So shut those loose lips, or I’ll use your bones as toothpicks
And then enjoy Temptations as a digestif.”
Buddy is available for readings at all distinguished parlors of poetry and bookstores. His chapbook, “Turkey In My Bowl,” is available in June from Handsome Boy Press.
It’s about more than just having a cozy place to sit.
Buddy is not overly obsessed with boxes.
I think that’s because he feels safe here, he’s got plenty of places to hide if he wants, and he’s got a big cat tunnel with four ways in or out. He doesn’t need another little space to crawl into.
Still, like any cat, the little dude likes a good box. When he gets to play with a new box he likes to sniff it, rub against it once or twice, then jump inside and determine if it’s comfortable. Then he gets serious, looks around, and slowly sinks down below the top of the box…
…and remains there for a few seconds before cautiously raising his head and looking around. Usually this is accompanied by a delighted trill, and I get the strong sense that he thinks he’s invisible to anyone outside the box while he has the advantage of seeing them.
“You cannot see Buddy, but Buddy sees you!”
Does he ambush me from the box? Does a bear crap in the woods?
There isn’t an abundance of research into why cats love boxes so much, but the existing data combined with what we know about the feline mind strongly suggests that, first and foremost, boxes have a strong psychological effect. They make cats feel secure and well-protected.
Anyone familiar with cats knows the little furballs like to wedge themselves into hideaways, scurry under tables and hide in laundry baskets. The behavior starts in kittenhood when they’re tiny enough to crawl into shoes and sneakers.
In 2021, animal cognition grad student Gabriella Smith conducted a study in which she found cats will happily sit in Kanizsa contours with the same enthusiasm they have for boxes.
Kanizsa contours are two-dimensional. The participants created them by using tape and paper to make the shapes on the floor. They’re not even proper boxes, just the illusory suggestion of boxes or general square shapes. That doesn’t seem to matter to cats:
Research shows cats are attracted to two-dimensional boxes as well as boxes made of cardboard and other materials.
A cat sitting in an illusory Kanizsa box.
Of course pieces of tape or paper on the floor do not afford any real protection, so the feline affinity for boxes seems to be more about feeling protected.
Since cats are territorial, it could be that they also like clear boundaries around their personal space.
The key here seems to be having the boundary without blocking access, as cats are notoriously not cool with closed doors or being confined. If they want to spend an hour in a tiny space and it’s their idea, they’re fine with it, but they don’t like to be restricted by when they can come and go.
Notably, this isn’t behavior limited to felis catus. So far there doesn’t seem to be any exception to the box-loving rule among felines and felids of any species. Tigers, lions, jaguars, leopards, snow leopards and pumas seem just as fond of them as their smaller cousins, as you can see in this video from Big Cat Rescue:
Boxes are comforting, cozy, fun to explore and make the perfect hiding spots for ambushes. If you’re a cat big or small, what’s not to like?
Dude. Put the top back on my litterbox and go away! I have some excrementory functions to attend to and you know I don’t like you hovering in the vicinity while I’m taking care of business.
I’m serious! Get out!
How would you like it if I could hear you straining over the sand or burying your biz? I can’t even go number one unless I know I’m by myself! You need to make like a tree and go into another room or I’m gonna make this whole place my personal litter box. Go on! Shoo!
Do they not teach basic manners to humans anymore?
How Dare You Use The Bathroom Without Me?
Dude. I’m hurt. Betrayed. I can’t believe you went to the bathroom without me and I had to stand outside, crying and scratching the door for 30 seconds until you let me in.
You know this is a group activity. It always has been. You sit on the throne and I watch you, occasionally interjecting with a meow.
Oh, privacy schmivacy! You poop, I poop, we all poop. What’s a little poop between friends?
No! Put down the newspaper! Put down the phone! You’re being rude. Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to bury your face in your phone while you’re at the dinner table or on the toilet? It’s antisocial. Now I have yet to hear a good explanation for why you went in here without me in the first place … Do we need to have another talk about closed doors again?
Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.
Dude. Put the top back on my litterbox and go away! I have some excrementory functions to attend to and you know I don’t like you hovering in the vicinity while I’m taking care of business.
Pain In The Bud 