Today is a Festivus for the rest of us! Get out tbe Festivus pole and prepare for the Feats of Strength and the Airing of Grievances!
Happy Festivus!
December 23 marks the famously anti-consumerist holiday, and this year is the 27th Festivus since it became a national holiday thanks to the Seinfeld episode “The Strike,” which aired on Dec. 18, 1997.
Before that, it was the invention and personal holiday of Daniel O’Keefe, a Reader’s Digest editor. His son Dan, a writer for Seinfeld, introduced Festivus to the rest of us by making it a focal point of the episode.
Festivus is enthusiastically celebrated at la casa de Buddy, providing Little Buddy the opportunity to engage in the Airing of Grievances and, as is tradition, tell everyone how they’ve disappointed him over the past year.
Buddy the Cat with George, Elaine, Jerry and Kramer in the season five episode “The Litter Box.” In the episode, Buddy, Kramer and Kramer’s friend Bob Saccamano scheme to charge felines entry to the beach, billing it as a “luxury litter box.”
With that, we’ll turn it over to Little Buddy’s list of Grievances. No one is spared.
Big Buddy: For being insufficiently devastated when I got sick a few months ago. I expected more tears. Do better next time.
PITB readers: It has recently come to my attention that some of you are laughing at me, not with me. This disturbing news has caused me to question whether you’re being honest when you send correspondence praising my ripped physique or insisting I should be president of the Americats again.
The Internet: For not making me as famous as I should be.
Big Buddy: For being a vegetarian and not having extra turkey in the house!
Big Buddy and PITB readers (again) for tolerating stories about non-cat species and cats who aren’t Buddy! Who cares about owls in Central Park and chonky cats in Poland? This is littlebuddythecat.com NOT fatpolishcats.com!
Bella and Luna retain their spots as the most popular names for female cats, while male cats are commonly named Leo, Milo, Simba and Oliver.
The top cat and dog names for 2023 have been released, and Rover lists the usual suspects for the New York area.
The top female names for felines include Luna, Pepper, Lily, Coco and Bella, while the boys were Leo, Oliver, Milo, Jack and Henry.
There is no Buddy to be found even amongst the dogs, whose list included Charlie, Max, Teddy and Oliver, while females included Lucy and Rosie in addition to the ever-popular Bella and Luna.
I have a niece named Lucy and a nephew named Milo, neither of whom are old enough yet to understand their names are more popular with four-legged little ones than humans.
Nationally, Luna and Bella occupy the two top spots for female cats, followed by classics like Nala, Kitty and Cleo, while the most popular male cats in the US are Oliver and Leo, with names like Simba, Ollie and Jasper rounding out the top 10.
Again, not a Buddy to be found among the most popular male cat names.
This is obviously because the name Buddy is so special it is only conferred upon the most meowgnificent, meowscular and meowsterful felines. (Is he still looking over my shoulder?)
Who’s ready to rock? After a nice nap, of course!
Interestingly, nostalgic names from the 80s and 90s are trending, with people naming their female dogs and cats Alanis (Morisette), Ginger Spice, Avril (Levigne), Richard Gere and Leonardo DogCaprio among other monikers.
I don’t know if I could see myself naming a cat after a 90s band, musician or actor. I think, in these situations, it’s always best to imagine what happens if your furry friend gets lost and you have to walk around the neighborhood calling them by name.
“Come ‘ere, Weezer!”
“Where are you, little RZA? Who makes dope beats? You make dope beats, yes you do!”
“Time for din-din, Ol’ Dirty Bastard!”
“Where’s my widdle Rage Against the Machine? Aren’t you just a precious Red Hot Chili Pepper!”
If you feel like a jerk calling a name out, it’s probably best to go with something else. Which is one reason why Bud isn’t Brutus the Bone Cruncher or Supreme Warlord Felinius Decimus Maximus.
Rover compiles its annual lists of most popular names from its user database, which includes millions of pets registered by their proud humans…and not enough Buddies.
The promise of a revolutionary new method of claw trimming is all hype, sadly.
I was hyped when I saw the headline.
“Cat Owners Rejoice,” the Newsweek headline blares. “Science Can Make Trimming Claws Less Stressful.”
Well if cat owners are rejoicing, it’s gotta be amazing, yeah?
I imagined cat affionados feting the creator of some miraculous new device that keeps cats comfortably restrained and relaxed, or maybe celebrating the discovery of some previously-unknown sound frequency that lulls felines into such a state of carefree bliss that they purr contentedly while we carefully clip their claws.
What I didn’t expect was a “protocol” that amounts to: Touch your cat’s leg. If he doesn’t try to murder you, touch your cat’s paw. If he still doesn’t murder you, trim a single claw. Repeat steps the next time your cat is in an agreeable mood.
That’s it. That’s the revolutionary new method that “science” made for us, according to Newsweek. “Science” must be proud of itself!
With this wonderful new method I should be able to trim one of Bud’s paws by 2067.
Obviously this is not science. It’s a method, not research. It’s well-intentioned and designed to keep cats comfortable, and those are noble goals, but calling it “science” is misleading, just like every other dumb headline that asserts “science says” or something is true “according to science,” as if science is an omniscient entity lounging on pillows, being fed candied figs by worshipful attendants and occasionally dispensing little nuggets of wisdom for our tiny little brains to absorb.
“The designated hitter rule shall henceforth be abolished,” Science says betwixt pulls from a hookah. “Fifty years of conclusive OPS plus FIP and OAVG data dictate it must be so.”
Come to think of it, that probably is what most Americans think science is. The other half think it’s Anthony “I Am Soyence” Fauci.
Where were we? Ah yes, cat claws!
The truth is I’ve give up on trimming Bud’s claws. If I notice a really long one I’ll try to trim it, but otherwise I leave the job to him and his 4-foot scratching post.
Maybe that makes me a bad caretaker, but I challenge anyone who’d stick me with that label to try trimming Buddy’s claws.
The little dude goes from chill and relaxed to demonic in a millisecond. He yowls, he thrashes, he flails with claws out and tries to bite any flesh he can reach, no matter how careful I am to try at the “right” time, how gentle I handle him, how careful I am to avoid the quick.
Bribe him with treats? Hah! He will stop yowling and thrashing about with murderous intent just long enough to gobble down the yums, then return to being a whirlwind of claws and teeth without skipping a beat.
And you should hear him. It sounds like I’m torturing Elmo, for crying out loud.
Thankfully he doesn’t hold a grudge and if I give up on trimming, he’ll be ready to plop down into my lap within minutes.
It’s generally understood that all that ghastly claw trimming nonsense is behind us, and we shall speak no more of it.
Speaking of ghastly business, the below video started auto-playing while I was on the throne and filling the idle time by searching for cat-related news:
Giles the cat is recognized for the most ridiculous pet insurance claim of the year, while federal prosecutors use the new Big Cat Public Safety Act to go after alleged illegal wildlife traders.
A Texas man and his wife were arrested after allegedly selling a margay kitten and trying to sell a jaguar cub in a second deal, federal authorities said.
Rafael Gutierrez-Galvan, 29, and his wife Deyanira Garza, 28, whom prosecutors describe as “legal permanent residents,” sold the margay cub for $7,500 to an undercover agent, meeting him in the parking lot of a Texas sporting goods store on Aug. 24. On Sept. 26 Gutierrez-Galvan made plans to sell the jaguar cub to the same man, and agents arrested him and his wife en route to the meet-up, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Texas.
Gutierrez-Galvan and Garza face federal charges under the new Big Cat Public Safety Act, which was signed into law in 2022. They can be sentenced to a maximum of five years in federal prison and ordered to pay a $20,000 fine if convicted.
Prosecutors did not say how the couple obtained the two wild cats or if they were working with anyone else.
The margay kitten, left, and jaguar cub recovered from a Texas couple who are accused of illegally selling them. Credit: U.S. Attorney’s Office, Southern District of Texas
Jaguars are endangered and margays are threatened. Both are native to South America, although jaguars once ranged as far north as Ohio and Pennsylvania. Margays (leopardus wiedii) are small arboreal wildcats who thrive in the deep jungle, away from human interference. They’re typically smaller than domestic cats, with an average weight of six pounds, and are among the most sure-footed of all felid species.
Jaguars (panthera onca) are true big cats and the only extant big cat species native to the Americas. They’re under enormous pressure from Chinese poachers, who capture and kill them to use their body parts in traditional Chinese “medicine,” as well as local illegal wildlife poachers. Both jaguars and margays, as well as other cat species native to South America, are also endangered by habitat loss.
Header image of a margay in Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil, credit: Anderson Cristiano Hendgen via Wikimedia Commons
New York cat wins Hambone Award for most ridiculous pet insurance claim
The Hambone Award was started in 2009 when a family filed a pet insurance claim for their dog who got trapped in a refrigerator, suffered mild hypothermia and tried to make the best of the situation by eating an entire ham.
That inspired the Veterinary Pet Insurance Company, a subsidiary of Nationwide, to create the award and make it an annual event. The first recipient of the “honor” was Lulu, an English bulldog who ate 15 baby pacifiers, a bottle cap and part of a basketball, necessitating a trip to the veterinarian and an insurance claim.
This year the award went to Giles, a handsome black kitty who has a habit of hiding in a sofa bed and getting stuck there when one of his humans folds the bed back into the couch. His humans, Kaitlyn and Reid, always check to make sure Giles isn’t in the space beneath the bed when they fold it up, and had warned Reid’s visiting parents that the playful cat likes to hang out there, but they forgot to check and ended up smooshing Giles.
Giles poses proudly next to his Hambone Award. Credit: Nationwide
Luckily the little guy didn’t break any bones, but he did take a hit to the face pretty hard and needed stitches.
“I [had] no idea what’s going on—we got him in his carrier and ran him up the street,” Reid said. “Luckily, we have a wonderful vet hospital just around the corner from us, so we were able to take him right there. Fortunately, it wasn’t too bad. He did need some stitches … but he was the model patient, as he always is.”
Giles’ competition this year was mostly dogs, but the other feline finalist was Miko, a New Orleans cat who spotted a pair of doves nesting in a hanging plant just outside on the patio. Miko executed a Jordanesque leap and swatted at the doves, but as the birds fled one of them gave the bold cat a parting gift, pecking Miko in the face. Thankfully he wasn’t seriously injured.
For his exploits, Giles received a trophy and his humans will receive a gift card and a donation in their name to the pet charity of their choice.
Meet Barney the cat, who waited NINE years for his forever home. PLUS: Buddy’s no longer chubby.
Barney goes home
Meet Barney, who finally has a forever home after nine years living in a shelter:
I’ve got a bias toward silver tabbies obviously, but look at this little guy! He’s handsome, he’s got bright green eyes and I’ve no doubt he’s got a ton of love to give to his new people.
The question is: Why did it take nine years for him to get adopted? It’s deeply unfair and depressing, although the people at Iowa’s Emmett County Animal Shelter deserve credit for never giving up on him.
Barney was born at the shelter and was passed over every time potential adopters came in to look at cats, shelter staff told the Des Moines Register. When someone posted a photo of Barney to Reddit along with a short note about his predicament, Amanda Scherer drove six hours to adopt him, telling the Register “I really wanted to give him a home.”
Social media has become an invaluable tool for shelters looking to place cats and dogs in homes, and there are two common denominators to the success stories: a great photo that capture’s the pet’s personality and a backstory. The more the story tugs at the heartstrings, the better.
No judgments here, but I wish people who are inclined to buy cats and dogs would think of all the Barneys out there who need homes. Some 1.5 million of them are killed every year because the demand for homes is greater than the demand for shelter pets. That’s a significant improvement over decades past thanks to relentless efforts to get animals spayed and neutered, but we can do better.
Bud’s looking ripped
Buddy’s been on a diet since early this summer, necessitated by my poor job of learning to say no when he screeches for snacks, which is approximately all the time.
It hasn’t been easy for either of us: He wants his treats and I desperately want him to stop meowing for them, but after three months I’ve really noticed a difference. He’s much trimmer these days and he’s mostly learned to be satisfied with smaller treat portions at longer intervals, so it’s been worth it.
Now all I have to do is avoid lapsing into being his human snack dispenser again and avoid using treats as a lazy way to get him to do things he doesn’t want to do. Like, for example, giving me a few minutes of meow-free peace when I’m trying to focus on writing. (The only time he stops trilling, chirping and meowing is when he’s eating or napping.)
I’ll get a good full shot of my feline overlord so you can see how ripped he’s looking, but in the meantime here’s a photo I took this week on the balcony, where Bud likes to lounge in the summer. There are no color filters or any other edits except a simple crop and a shadow/highlight adjustment, and you can see his “terracotta nose” and just how bright and green his eyes are in natural outdoor light:
Although there are no filters, I should note here that I took this photo with my new Samsung, and Galaxy phones are known for their saturated colors. My previous phone was a Google Pixel which often resulted in the opposite effect, with photos looking sapped of color in some lighting conditions. Still, the Galaxy’s photos are much closer to what I see with my own eyes when little man is playing outside.
P.S. Thank you to the reader who dubbed Bud “terracotta nose” a while back. I’m sorry, I can’t remember who bestowed him with that nickname, but I love it.
Pain In The Bud 