meowscular – Page 2 – Pain In The Bud

Introducing Little Buddy Collectible Figurines!

Now you can celebrate Buddy in your own home or office with our beautiful hand-painted figurines from The Buddinese Miniatures Collection!

A common refrain we’ve heard since we’ve launched PITB is “We can’t get enough of Buddy! We want more Buddy!”

In addition to our upcoming Buddacious T-Shirts™ line of Budswear apparel, we’re proud to announce these beautifully sculpted, limited edition decorative figurines, part of The Buddinese Miniatures Collection. Each piece is hand-painted and numbered, and would make a handsome addition to any display in your home or office.

Forget Hummels, vintage toys and boring artwork — there’s a snazzy new way to decorate your home that’ll allow you to show off your great taste in felines!

Turkey Feast

This beautiful figurine will improve any mantle or shelf of collectibles! Be the envy of your friends with “Turkey Feast,” the inaugural figurine in The Buddinese Miniatures Collection’s First Edition. Featuring an adorable Buddy with his favorite food in the world. ($39.95 + S&H)

Gym Cat

Buddy is as well known for his ripped and meowscular physique as he is for his charm, wit and handsome visage. This gorgeously rendered figurine shows the Budster getting his reps in and working the meowscles that made him an icon across the globe! ($64.95 + S&H)

Warrior of Legend

Feline. Bodybuilder. Handsome rogue. Fearless warrior. The Buddinese Miniatures Collection is proud to present First Edition figurine #003, Warrior of Legend. ($65.95 + S&H)

Big Baller

During his stint as the starting point guard for the New York Knicks during the 2016-2017 season, Buddy the Cat averaged 19.7 points, 8.2 assists, 0.7 rebounds and 5.5 steals while shooting a sizzling 53 percent from the field, leading the team to its first payoff berth in years. This handsome hand-painted figurine captures Buddy in mid-stride during a fast break, pushing the ball up the court. Will he stop short to drain a three-pointer, find an open man beneath the basket or drive the lane for a thunderous dunk? ($49.95 + S&H)

Bend the Knee

Most people know Buddy is a beloved former president of the Americats who balanced the budget, increased the nutritional value and portion size of wet food and presided over an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity, but did you know Buddy’s ancestors were kings? It’s no wonder the little guy cuts such a regal and commanding figure atop his gilded throne. Bend the knee to this kingly tabby! ($74.95 S+H)

Caribbean Breeze

What could be better than lounging beneath an umbrella on a pristine beach amid palm trees, with sparkling blue ocean as far as they eye can see? Hanging out with Buddy on a pristine beach amid palm trees on the sparkling blue ocean, of course! This figurine comes with an accompanying diorama of heaven on Earth, so you can imagine yourself on vacation with Buddy himself! ($79.95 + S&H)

Stay tuned for the upcoming release of The Buddinese Miniatures Collection’s Second Edition, which will feature even more stunning figurines of everyone’s favorite feline!

Turkey Currency Exchange Rate:

We accept turkey in lieu of cash! The current exchange rate is 1.227 cans per $1USD, so a limited edition Buddy figurine valued at $49.95, for example, can be purchased for the low price of 61.28 cans of turkey pate. We also accept shredded turkey and turkey in gravy, although Buddy warns collectors that Kirkland Signature is not an acceptable form of currency.

Buddy Scores Meowscular Victory Over Vakuum, That Infernal Machine

Vakuum, the terror of many a cat, was put on notice by Buddy’s display of astonishing bravery. If AI and robots ever try to take over the Earth, Buddy is a natural choice to lead the combined armies of cats and men to victory over the machines.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat was particularly pleased with himself on Thursday after he successfully scared off one of his mortal enemies by using his powerful roar.

The gray tabby cat had just finished his second Food O’Clock meal of the day and was settling down for 5th Nap when the infernal machine known as Vakuum the Disturberizer encroached upon the Buddesian domicile and began its high-pitched shriek.

While previously he’d hiss at the accursed machine and retreat to the safety of the bedroom, Buddy decided to put his paw down, sources said. It was time to make a stand.

buddyvsvacuum — The heroic sequence of events that led to Vakuum beating a hasty retreat.

Rising up to his full height of almost a foot, Buddy let loose a mighty, blood-curdling roar — and was shocked when Vakuum immediately stopped making its pestiferous racket.

“That machine took one look at me and decided it didn’t want a piece of this,” Buddy said, his primordial pouch jiggling as he flexed. “It helps to be a meowscular and intimidating cat, you know. We jaguars are quite ferocious when we need to be.”

A spokescat for the Yguara Nation of the Americas confirmed that while Buddy is an honorary jaguar and was bestowed the name Kinich Bajo, meaning “Tiny Sun-Eyed One,” he is not in fact an actual jaguar.

Matt Damon’s Cat Is One Tough Little Dude

Matt Damon rescued a stray living on the periphery of a Costa Rican jungle.

Matt Damon stopped by the Late Show With Stephen Colbert this week, and somehow they got on the topic of Damon’s cat.

The Oppenheimer actor described how he and his wife gained the feline’s trust while staying at an AirBnB in Costa Rica. The cat, who was living on the edge of the nearby jungle and “fighting for his life every night,” gratefully accepted food from the Damons and grew to trust them over the month they spent at the rental.

“By the end we were like, ‘We have to take this cat. This guy’s gonna die. Now he’s relying on us.'”

It turns out the little brawler was done with living rough and enthusiastically took to the life of a pampered house cat.

“He moves into our house, and I’m thinking ‘I have a little yard out in LA, it’ll be great out there [for him],'” Damon told Colbert. “He never went outside ever again.”

Damon’s cat had a serious health scare, but the story has a happy ending and it’s better to hear Damon tell it, so turn up your speakers/headphones:

@colbertlateshow

Matt Damon shares an incredible story about the cat he adopted from Costa Rica. #Colbert

♬ original sound – colbertlateshow – colbertlateshow

Yes, Damon’s cat may be “jacked,” and he may even be the Arnold Schwarzenegger of felines, but surely he doesn’t compare to the OG of ripped and meowscular cats.

Interview With Buddy, The Cat Who Saved A Dog From Two Coyotes

Buddy has been hailed as a hero after he valorously fought off two coyotes to save his dog friend.

Many thousands of Americans have heard the now-viral story about a cat who saved a dog from a vicious coyote attack, but did you know that fearless feline is none other than Buddy the Cat?

We were lucky enough to catch up with Buddy and interview him about his famous feat of extraordinary bravery, as well as what life’s like for him now that he’s become a feline celebrity.

Q: First of all, thanks for speaking to us. We know you’ve got a lot of interview requests and you’re so hot right now, so we appreciate you taking the time.

Buddy: Anytime. It’s true, so many people want a piece of Buddy the Brave these days that it’s beginning to mess with my napping schedule, but I think it’s important to speak out on topics like this.

Q: Well said! So why don’t you take us through the chain of events. What preceded this vicious coyote attack, and how did you become involved?

Buddy: Well I was visiting my friend — and yes, cats can be friends with inferior animals like dogs! — when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I have incredible vision, as you know. And as the coyotes were sneaking up I just kind of raised a paw and flexed my bicep. Usually that’s enough to make ’em think twice, you know?

Q: But these coyotes didn’t heed your warning?

Buddy: Unfortunately, no. They were licking their lips and set on attacking my buddy, and Buddy does not take kindly to anyone attacking my buddies, you know what I mean?

Q: Those coyotes clearly didn’t know who they were dealing with. So that’s when they attacked?

Buddy: Exactly. For a hot second I was in shock, you know? I’m thinking ‘Did they not just see me flex? Is it possible they didn’t see how ripped I am?’ But then I heard my friend yelp in pain and I just sprang into action without regard for my own safety.

Q: That’s very heroic of you.

Buddy: Isn’t it?

Q: So what would you say to detractors who claim the cat in the video has black fur and is not a gray tabby?

Buddy: They’re conspiracy theorists, like people who think the Earth is hexagonal and Big Catnip is out to get kitties hooked. You know, it’s a black and white security camera, and I move so fast that I’m a blur, so I can understand how people are confused.

Q: And the people who claim this happened in Oklahoma?

Buddy: Fake news. Obviously it happened in New York.

Q: Obviously. Well we don’t want to take any more of your precious time, but we just want to thank you, Buddy. You’re a real Americat hero!

Buddy: Yes I am!

Buddy Updates His Dating Profile Pics

Buddy knows what the ladies want.

NEW YORK — Disappointed with the lack of responses to his dating profile, Buddy the Cat updated it on Sunday with “much more accurate and badass” photos of himself.

“These oughta do it,” the gray tabby cat said, laying back with his paws behind his head and his feet up after successfully updating his Meowr profile.

The dating app, which is exclusively for the use of felines, boasts more than 24 million users and saw an influx of new accounts registered over the weekend after a National Cat Day promotion.

A new and “more accurate” cover photo for Buddy’s dating profile on MEOWR.

Disregarding the advice of his human to “just be himself,” Buddy headlined his profile “Catdonis Seeks Super Hot Model Types.” Under a column titled “Describe yourself in a few words,” the model-seeking feline wrote: “Brave, handsome, meowscular, really really funny, an incredible dancer, and the 2023 National Competitive Table-Setting Champion.”

His human spat out his drink.

“Brave? Competitive table-setting champion? What the hell?” he asked, awe-struck.

Buddy rubbed a paw against his fur and matter-of-factly explained what his dumb human was unable to grasp.

“It’s designed to show my artsy and sensitive side,” he said. “Duh. This may come as a surprise to you, but the ladies like a cat who is in touch with his inner artist.”

Big Buddy shot his feline friend a derisive look.

“The only art you’ve made is in your litter box,” he said. “And it’s depressingly apocalyptic.”

Buddy snorted.

“We’ll see who gets the last laugh, human,” he said. “When I roll up to the club with Meowghan Fox or Jennifer Clawrence on my arm, you’ll be super jelly.”

As of Thursday Buddy had received no responses on his profile.