Feline Weirdness – Page 21

If Your Cats Aren’t As Brave As Buddy, Keep An Eye On Them This 4th Of July

More cats and dogs go missing this holiday weekend than at any other time of year.

Here in ‘Merica, more pets go missing on July 4 weekend than at any other time in the year.

While you’re firing up the grill, catching up with friends and having a few beers, your poor cat — or dog — could be suffering from spiking anxiety, especially if you live in a neighborhood like mine where kids are constantly setting off fireworks on the nights leading up to the holiday.

Nationally, animal control departments across the nation report a 30 to 60 percent jump in missing pet reports during the holiday weekend, according to statistics compiled by PetAmberAlert. Private shelters see a similar size uptick in lost cats and dogs who end up in the system. All kinds of cats are at risk for bolting, but Persians, Siamese and domestic shorthairs top the list, according to the lost pet tracking service.

We all know that Buddy is a particularly brave cat who once defeated a fly in single combat, has never lost a duel with a stuffed animal, and has a sterling reputation for facing down even the most terrifying threats. Buddy’s also got an advantage thanks to growing up less than a block from a public park where our town hosts its annual Independence Day fireworks show. The little guy has been hearing — and seeing — fireworks this time of year since he was a kitten, so he just shrugs it off.

If your cat isn’t as incredibly brave as Buddy, however, there are precautions you can take:

Make sure Fluffy has a secure, up-to-date collar and a microchip.
Keep your cat(s) in a closed area of the house or in one room before sundown, and make sure there are no open windows. Places to hide are okay as long as you can keep track of who’s hiding.
Distract, and deaden or mitigate the sound. You can distract your furry friends with toys, a new box to play with or some catnip, which can act like a sedative if your cat eats it. Turn on the stereo and choose something you know has a calming effect on your cat(s).
If your little one is especially anxious or jumpy, consider a pheromone diffuser like Feliway and/or a ThunderShirt. Make sure you get one for cats, not dogs.
Play with your feline friend(s) before sundown to tire them out before fireworks start. Things’ll go a lot easier if your cat lays down for a nap and some relaxing music muffles the booming outside.
Screen videos of Buddy the Cat. His heroic demeanor and cool under pressure will inspire your cat(s) to rise to the occasion.

Good luck!

*Claims about Buddy’s bravery are not to be taken literally. Exceptions to Buddy’s bravery include sudden movements, rustling paper bags, vacuums, truck backup beepers, images of Steven Tyler, certain smartphone ringtones, the Seinfeld theme music, blenders, oscillating fans, oven timer chimes, the Windows 10 error sound, Tic-Tacs rattling, certain types of snoring, and the sound of his own farts. This is not a comprehensive list, and Buddy may be startled and/or terrified by other sensory input.

Budapest Artist’s Cat Sketches Are Perfectly Feline

Rita Vigovszky captures the essence of cats with her whimsical illustrations.

Rita Vigovszky knows cats.

The Budapest woman, who earns a living as an illustrator, often puts her own cat in her drawings to illustrate confounding and amusing feline behaviors, but she also draws various cats in silly and amusing situations.

Who among us doesn’t sympathize with this? I can give Bud two vigorous play sessions with laser pointers and wand toys, and he’ll still reliably do this at night:

As George Carlin once said: “Cats don’t accept blame.” They also have no shame. At this point, probably every surface except the kitchen counters has been “groomed on.”

Prior to 2020, I would not have sympathized with this. Then the pandemic happened, barbershops in New York were closed for ages, I binged the entire run of Vikings during lockdown, and when I finally made it back to my barber, told him: “Give me that awesome Ragnar Lothbrok haircut!” So now I have a viking man bun (go ahead, laugh at me) with shaved sides and back, and Bud has many new hair band toys that tend to disappear under couches and in crevices:

Do they fits? Of course they do:

Check out Rita’s artwork on Instagram and Patreon.

Got A Rat Problem? Get A Cat To…Befriend It And Groom It?

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?

Cats and humans began their grand partnership some 10,000 years ago, when kitties handled humans’ pesky rodent problem and people repaid the felines with food, shelter and companionship.

Now the deal’s off, apparently.

Yesterday a Reddit user shared a video titled “When you get a cat hoping it will help you get rid of the big rat in your yard.”

The video shows the user’s new cat, a tortoiseshell/calico, “solving” the rat problem by befriending the rodent, playing with it and even grooming it.

The video has amassed almost 86,000 upvotes in 24 hours.

The odd friendship between feline and rodent is not without precedent. Studies have shown that cats are not effective rodent hunters in urban settings where rats have gone unchallenged for so long that they rival or exceed the size of most members of Felis catus.

In certain neighborhoods of New York City, for example, researchers observed cats essentially ignoring massive rats and in some cases eating trash side by side with them. The largest rats, apparently aware of the truce, are equally unconcerned by the presence of the cats. Other rats were more cautious around kitties.

The scene reminded me of the time my brother wanted me to bring Bud over to handle his rat problem. At the time he was living on 88th St. in Manhattan, less than a block from Gracie Mansion. His apartment had an unusual perk for Manhattan living — it was a spacious ground floor flat that opened up into a private, fenced-in backyard with grass and a few trees.

Mighty Bud — Tremble before him! Buddy the Mighty Slayer of Rodents!

In fact, it was one of the first places I took Buddy after adopting him. He was just a kitten, maybe 14 weeks old, and I brought him with me on a warm summer day when my brother had a few friends over for a barbecue.

Buddy made fast friends with my brother’s Chihuahua-terrier mix, Cosmo, and spent the day playing with his doggie cousin, frolicking in the grass and chasing bugs around the yard. Then he got a treat: Steak from the grill, chopped into tiny Buddy-size pieces.

Having a backyard in Manhattan was awesome, but there was a downside. At night the yard was like a stretch of highway for marauding rats who ran across it in numbers with impunity, probably en route to raiding the garbage bins of a bodega on the corner of 88th. The rats were so emboldened and so numerous, you could hear them scurrying across the yard at night.

My brother proposed bringing Buddy over and letting him loose in the yard after dark, letting his claws and predatorial instincts thin the rodential herd.

I declined, using the excuse that Bud could pick up diseases from going to war with the rats. That was true, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have come to that: At the first sign of those rats, Buddy would have run screaming!

(We don’t acknowledge that around him, of course. Officially, Buddy was not set loose upon the Manhattan rats because it would be grossly unfair to unleash such a meowscular, brave and battle-hardened feline warrior upon them.)

It’s one thing if Buddy won’t kill rats. He’s a wimp. But as the Reddit video illustrates, we are apparently closing the chapter on 10,000 glorious years of human-feline partnership, and officially entering the Era of Zero Reciprocity.

We do everything for our cats, and in return they nap, eat and allow us to serve them. From their point of view, it’s a fine deal.

Meowscular Buddy! — Just look at those meowscular guns and vicious claws!

Critics Rave: The Great Buddini Is ‘An Unrivaled Master of Sleight of Paw’

Buddy finds success as a magician who makes all manner of delicious foods disappear.

NEW YORK — A thousand people are engaged in lively chatter inside the 42nd St. Illusionist Theatre when a tiny figure appears at the periphery of the stage and a hush falls over the crowd.

The lights dim and a drum roll echoes up from the orchestra pit.

“Is it him?” a man in the balcony asks.

“It’s him! It’s him!” a woman seated near the front answers, waving her handkerchief. “The Great Buddini!”

The crowd erupts into rapturous applause and the orchestra plays an excitingly mysterious tune as the Great Buddini pads across the stage, illuminated by a green spotlight.

“Thank you! Thank you!” the tuxedoed feline says, doffing his top hat. He touches a paw to his heart. “You’re too kind! Thank you!”

A whimsical melody drifts up from the pit and the Great Buddini produces a bag of Blue Buffalo Bursts from a pocket in his tuxedo. He presents it to the crowd, turns it over and tears it open theatrically.

“For my first trick, I’m going to make these Bursts disappear,” Buddini says, tossing the treats into the air and gobbling them all in quick succession.

The crowd loves it. Women clap, men stomp their feet and enthusiasts near the back whistle in appreciation.

An advertisement for one of The Great Buddini’s shows.

“For my next trick,” Buddini says, “I’m going to make this entire turkey disappear!”

Two calicoes in bedazzled gowns emerge from behind the curtain, pushing a cart with a large turkey on top of it. They turn the cart 360 degrees, lift the black table cloth so the audience can see there are no hidden compartments, and stop just before the Great Buddini launches himself at the turkey and consumes it like an insane Pac Man, wolfing the entire bird down in less than eight seconds.

A drum roll begins anew, the Great Buddini turns, bows with a flourish and issues a massive belch that reverberates around the hall. Once again the theater shakes with the roaring approval of the crowd.

“He’s a genius!” a woman yells out later as Buddini, balanced on stilts, makes pieces of cheese vanish into his mouth. “He’s mad! He’s mad!”

The Great Buddini’s show, in which the famed magician makes 17 different kinds of food disappear, has been sold out for more than three weeks running since he arrived in New York.

A review in the New York Times called Buddini “an unrivaled master of sleight of paw” and noted kittens from as far away as Delaware were arriving in New York, hoping to apprentice for the master feline. The New York Evening News was equally flattering, writing that the Great Buddini “blurs the line between ho-hum magic and astonishing feats that border on the supernatural.”

Among the few negative reviews was a scathing piece in the New York Post, which chided enthusiasts for “falling for” Buddini’s “obviously mundane tricks.”

“He’s not ‘making the food disappear,’ he’s just eating it!” the Post’s critic seethed. “Am I going crazy? I can’t be the only one to notice this. People are paying to watch a chubby cat pig out on snacks on a stage. What has the world come to?”

Buddy Denies Responsibility For Errant Turd: ‘I Am Not The Poopetrator’

Denying the allegations against him, Buddy the Cat suggested a certain Aquaman actress was likely responsible.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat denied he had anything to do with an errant turd found approximately two feet from his litter box on Friday, instead blaming actress Amber Heard for the breach of poopiquette.

The stool in question, a roughly cylindrical piece consistent in color and texture with typical cat feces, was discovered at approximately 10:52 a.m.

“I am not the poopetrator,” a defiant Buddy said in a statement issued through his attorney. “It’s obvious that someone out there is hell bent on destroying my reputation as a good boy who always does his business in the box.”

The silver tabby’s lawyer, Johnny Clawchrane, told reporters he intends to prove his client could not have been responsible for the mystery stool. He said he would prove to the court that Buddy had an alibi, could not have produced the offending nugget, and has a long history establishing him as a consummate user of the litter box who never exits without meticulously burying his business.

“Buddy the Cat has a staunch record of being a very good boy and is personally offended at the suggestion that he could have been responsible,” Clawchrane said.

Instead, the high-powered attorney said, he intends to prove the offending party is none other than actress Amber Heard, who is currently embroiled in another lawsuit centered around the mysterious appearance of feces.

“Who was responsible? Let’s look at Occam’s Razor, folks,” Clawchrane said. “There is a very famous person whose modus pooperandi, such as it is, involves retaliatory defecation.”

Clawchrane pointed to testimony in the ongoing trial between actor Johnny Depp and Heard, his ex-wife. Depp and his house manager testified that Heard dropped anchor on the bed she shared with the Pirates of the Caribbean actor. Heard herself called it a “practical joke gone horribly wrong.”

“We will prove that Ms. Heard had the motivation and means to, uh, smear Buddy the Cat,” Clawchrane insisted. “Justice will be served!”

Heard’s attorney, Benjamin Rottenborn, said the accusation was “patently ridiculous.”

“My client doesn’t even know Buddy the Cat,” Rottenborn said. “Furthermore, just look at him. He looks like precisely the kind of scoundrel who would poop outside the litter box.”