My Favorite Halloween Novel: In ‘Slade House,’ A Mysterious London Mansion Appears Once Every Nine Years To Consume The Souls Of Innocents

David Mitchell’s twist on the familiar haunted house story is an unsettling page-turner, perfect for a chilly October night.

Slade House isn’t your typical David Mitchell novel.

For one thing, it’s a slim volume, about 240 pages depending on the format and edition. You can mainline it in four or five hours, and it’s such a page-turner that many people have.

It’s not concerned with making any particularly grand statements about life and is engineered for one goal – to entertain the reader with a satisfyingly spooky story.

Slade House is the name of the mansion at the heart of the book, a grand aristocratic structure that once sat on a sizeable estate but is now crammed between houses and shops in a working-class neighborhood of London. It’s accessible by walking down a shabby, narrow alley fronted by a pub called The Fox and the Hounds. The gloomy lane takes a turn, and if you know precisely where to look, there’s a slim iron door leading to something unexpected in such a neighborhood – a verdant, picturesque garden surrounding a small pond. A path winds through the garden and under a series of trestles, leading to the ivy-choked home sitting on the crest of a low hill.

Most interestingly, it exists for exactly one day every nine years, when someone is lured inside and is never seen again.

This is not Slade House, but Craigdarroch Castle, a Victorian-era Scottish baronial mansion in British Columbia, is very close to the image in my mind’s eye while reading the book.

Mitchell shows us Slade House through the eyes of its many victims: an awkward, autistic pre-teen boy who is enticed inside along with his mother. A police detective and wannabe lothario dispatched to investigate the house and the fate of people who have gone missing there over the decades. Members of a local university’s extracurricular paranormal research club who think they’re in for a ghost hunt only to find a debauched Halloween bash packed with undergrads. The journalist sister of one of the college students who went missing there in the last nine-year “cycle.”

And finally, a Canadian psychologist with a clinical interest in people who buy into conspiracy theories, stories of alien visitations and other strange phenomena.

To describe what each of them finds inside would be to spoil the novel and rob the narrative of its punch. Besides, nothing I can say could possibly do justice to the yarn Mitchell spins here.

What I can say is that Slade House reinvents itself so it appears to give its victims exactly what they want, and the forces behind the spectral structure aren’t there to play nice. I found myself thinking of their malevolent tricks and shuddering long after I finished the last chapter.

Since then it’s become something of a Halloween tradition to dive back in. I don’t read Slade House every year, and knowing how few books we read in our short lives even when we make a serious effort, I’d much rather push myself to discover new novelists and worlds.

Yet Slade House is the rare book that deserves and even demands to be read again. Not only is it an exceptionally well-crafted story, it’s got the same quality as films like The Big Lebowski when every time through the narrative yields new revelations and additional connections become apparent. It could be something as simple as a callback to a seemingly unimportant piece of dialog early in the book, or recognizing a certain character is someone you’ve met in a previous Mitchell novel making a cameo in this one.

Or it could mean finally recognizing a bit of symbolism that’s been staring you in the face the entire time, like the discovery of a dead cat in Slade Alley in the book’s opening pages. The feline in question is the legendary Moon Gray Cat, an entity that appears in almost every Mitchell novel at critical points. When the Moon Gray Cat shows up dead almost immediately in Slade House, that’s Mitchell signaling to the reader that there will be no magical help for the characters in this novel. They’re on their own. (Fellow cat lovers, please note: Mitchell is on record saying the Moon Gray Cat is not really dead, and in fact cannot be killed. He appeared in the very next Mitchell book, and I’m sure we’ll spot him rubbing up against a character or napping in the background during a key scene next time around as well. Viva la Moon Gray Cat!)

The first-print hardcover edition of Slade House, which was published in 2015.

As for the book, it’s something different built on the bones of the classic haunted house story. The horrors inside Slade House persist even when the home itself vanishes.

The police, for their part, think they’re spinning their wheels at the behest of jokesters. They know the disappearances are real, but every time someone goes missing not only are detectives unable to locate Slade House, they find it cannot exist. There’s simply not enough room in the jumble of buildings housing shops and flats. Satellite photos confirm what they can surmise from the ground, though municipal records do turn up a Slade House that formerly existed there until it was destroyed during a German bombing raid on London during World War II…

The detectives rationalize the disappearances. One family may have simply fled, leaving behind outstanding debts and complications in London and finding refuge with relatives in Canada. A woman who vanished half a century ago may have ditched her husband and ran off with her lover. There are plenty of reasons people abandon their lives, and maybe the fact that they were last seen entering Slade Alley is just coincidence.

Only one group of people have begun to assemble the facts, and those are the victims. “Pass it on,” the echo of a previous victim tells a person freshly lured into the phantasmagorical property at one point. The recipient doesn’t know it’s already too late for her, but if she can add to the small packet of information, perhaps some future target can be warned off before Slade House slips the handcuffs on.

The image of a grandfather clock and the ways we interpret time play a subtle but central element in the novel. Image modified in Photoshop from an original via Pexels

For his part, when Slade House was published in 2015, Mitchell took some fire from the literary establishment for taking a detour and deciding to play in a genre sandbox for a while. Some critics argued that his talents are too great to waste on lowly genre fare when he could be writing Serious Literature™.

I was proud of him when he made it clear to one interviewer that he doesn’t care. He had fun writing the novel and he hopes readers enjoy spending time in its odd little world. Besides, he argued, the idea that genre fiction is less worthy of attention is itself a flawed premise.

I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment, as well as Mitchell’s contention that genre fiction gives us a safe place to explore fantasies, ambitions and anxieties that would normally be dismissed as childish. Science fiction, one of my favorite genres, is often criticized on the aforementioned terms as if speculating on the very nature of our existence – and whether we share our vast universe with other sapient entities – is somehow out of bounds, and we should all aspire to the kind of writing favored by MFA factories.

Insisting that there is only one valid way to create is close-minded. Opening yourself to possibilities you haven’t grappled with is the precise opposite.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s been a few years since I last visited Slade House, and I have a date with a reality-shifting entity that wants to consume me, at least for four or five hours.

Header image via Pexels

Unused Audio Commentary: The Big Lebowski

Buddy the Cat and his human watch The Big Lebowski and record a commentary track for your enjoyment and illumination.

Unused Audio Commentary for The Big Lebowski, 20th anniversary Blu-ray special edition with 32 seconds of extra footage, featuring Buddy the Cat and his human, Big Buddy.

Big Buddy the Human: Hello and thanks for joining us on this special commentary track for one of the most beloved cult films of the past quarter century.

Little Buddy the Cat: The Big Lebowski!

Big Buddy: Yep. There’s a Big Lebowski and a Little Lebowski, just like I’m Big Buddy and you’re Little Buddy.

Little Buddy: Let me guess: The Little Lebowski is the more awesome of the two, and he’s the hero of the story?

Big Buddy: That’s correct. Although in this movie he’s referred to as “The Dude” by anyone who knows him, just like you’re “The Jerk” to anyone who knows you. Now we see the opening shots of a supermarket as the Dude shops for a pint of milk. This movie is set in the 1990s. George Bush is on the TV warning Saddam Hussein: “This aggression will not stand!”

Little Buddy: No, it will not!

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“This aggression will not stand!”

Big Buddy: I love this part. The Dude doesn’t even get his foot in the door of his home before these thugs grab him. They’re dunking his head in the toilet bowl.

Little Buddy: His litter box! Oh that’s nasty.

Big Buddy: They want money. They keep saying “Where’s the money, Lebowski?” as they dunk his face into the toilet. And now probably the most pivotal moment in the movie…the second thug pees on The Dude’s rug.

Little Buddy: Unbelievable! Who would do something like that? Who would pee on a rug? Certainly not I.

Big Buddy: Says the rug-pee-er.

Little Buddy: I am not!

Big Buddy: Please. Your kind are notorious for pissing all over rugs. It’s like a national pastime with you people.

Little Buddy: ‘You people’? ‘Your kind’? That’s so racialist!

Big Buddy: You’re a cat, you can’t be the victim of racism.

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The inciting incident: A thug pees on The Dude’s rug.

Little Buddy: We’re not here to talk about me peeing on rugs. We’re here to talk about thugs peeing on The Dude’s rug. Why does The Dude owe them money?

Big Buddy: He doesn’t. That’s the whole point. These thugs have the wrong Lebowski.

Little Buddy: So they peed on the wrong Lebowski’s rug? That rug really tied the room together! Please tell me The Dude gets a good rug to replace the one that’s been peed on.

Big Buddy: That’s the plot of this movie. One man’s relentless search for a perfect rug to tie the room together and replace the rug that’s been peed on.

Little Buddy: I like it already! What’s this?

Big Buddy: This is a bowling alley, where people play a game called bowling…

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The Dude, Donny and Walter at the bowling alley. As per usual, Donny is out of his element.

Little Buddy: Are they…?

Big Buddy: Yes.

Little Buddy: Hold on, hold on! You’re telling me humans play a game in which the object is to swipe things off a flat surface?!

Big Buddy: That’s correct.

Little Buddy: And you never thought to tell me this? You know how much I love swiping things off flat surfaces!

Big Buddy: I never really thought of it that way, but I suppose you would like…

Little Buddy: This is vital information! When can we go?!?

Big Buddy: Well how about we watch the movie first? I promise there’s a ton of bowling in it for you to get your vicarious thrills. Then we can talk about going bowling.

Little Buddy: Deal. This is gonna be so much fun!

Big Buddy: Okay. So we get this establishing shot of synchronized bowlers, and now we meet the rest of our heroes — The Dude’s friends, Walter and Donnie.

Little Buddy: Walter is upset about something. He doesn’t roll on Shabbos.

Big Buddy: No, he does not.

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Shomer Shabbos!

Big Buddy: So as The Dude tells them the story about the desecrated rug, it’s Walter’s idea to confront the Big Lebowski to get compensation. After all, those thugs were looking for him, not The Dude. The Dude takes Walter’s advice and goes to speak to The Big Lebowski.

Little Buddy: Who’s this guy?

Big Buddy: That’s Brandt, the Big Lebowski’s Butler.

Little Buddy: Ah. His servant, like you are for me.

Big Buddy: Not exactly. Brandt shows The Dude around, tells him about the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, and introduces him to The Big Lebowski himself.

Little Buddy: This guy is the Big Lebowski?

Big Buddy: Yep.

Little Buddy: I was expecting a much bigger Lebowski.

Big Buddy: Well I suppose “The Slightly Larger Lebowski” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

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The Slightly Larger Lebowski.

Little Buddy: The Big Lebowski doesn’t seem very receptive to The Dude’s argument.

Big Buddy: That’s putting it mildly. He thinks The Dude is a joint-smoking deadbeat.

Little Buddy: That’s because The Dude is a joint-smoking deadbeat. It looks like a wonderful life. Catnip, naps and food.

Big Buddy: How is that different from your daily existence?

Little Buddy: It’s not, which is why I love The Dude. Speaking of, where’s the nip?

Big Buddy: You want it now? Seriously?

Little Buddy: Gimme, gimme! I feel like I should be on The Dude’s wavelength when I watch this movie. Thanks, amigo!

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Buddy gets into the spirit — and The Dude’s mind state — with a nip break.

Big Buddy: Okay. So I like how The Dude isn’t dissuaded. The Big Lebowski is screaming at him, refusing to compensate him for his rug, and does that stop him? No! He just leaves and tells Brandt: “The old man told me to take any rug in the house.”

Little Buddy: Who’s this lady painting her toes?

Big Buddy: That’s Bunny Lebowski, the Big Lebowski’s trophy wife.

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Bunny Lebowski, a woman who charges outrageous fees to blow on people’s toes.

Little Buddy: She’s asking The Dude to blow on her toes, and he does, but she says he has to pay $1,000 if he wants her to blow his toes. That hardly seems fair.

Big Buddy: She’s not offering to blow on his toes, she’s…ah, nevermind. You wouldn’t understand.

Little Buddy: Why?

Big Buddy: Because you’re a cat.

Little Buddy: Racialist!

Big Buddy: A neutered cat.

Little Buddy: What’s noodured?

Big Buddy: Nevermind. The Dude tells Bunny he’s going to find an ATM, but now we’re back at the bowling alley with Walter and Donny.

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“I’ll go find an ATM…”

Little Buddy: Is that a dog in a carrier?

Big Buddy: Yes.

Little Buddy: That’s absurd! Who brings a dumb animal bowling? Especially a dumb animal who most certainly does not appreciate the finer things in life, like swiping objects off flat surfaces.

(ON SCREEN) WALTER: “What do you mean “brought it bowling”? I didn’t rent it shoes. I’m not buying it a fucking beer. He’s not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude.”

Little Buddy: See? The Dude and I think alike. Whoah! A gun! Walter has a gun! What’s he doing?

Big Buddy: He’s threatening Smokey, another bowler. He says Smokey was over the line when he bowled.

Little Buddy: Oh. Then why not just shoot him? Mark it zero!

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Walter, the only sane voice in the movie, prevents social order from breaking down by threatening to shoot a man over a bowling disagreement.

Big Buddy: Smokey marks it zero.

Little Buddy: Hell yeah.

Big Buddy: Walter and The Dude gotta bounce quick, one of the managers is calling the cops.

Little Buddy: *yawn* What for?

Big Buddy: For pulling a gun during a game of bowling, little guy! You can’t just do that to people. Oh, I love this part when they walk to the car and argue…

Big Buddy: Bud?

Big Buddy: Buddy, wake up!

Big Buddy: I knew it. Okay, that’s all for today, folks, Buddy is in a catnip coma and I don’t think he’s waking up any time soon. Join us next time for Part II of Unused Audio Commentary: The Big Lebowski! Thanks for rolling with us on Shabbos.

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