Buddy’s browser history provides a window into the depraved mind of everyone’s 683rd favorite feline named Buddy.
Monday, June 9, 2025:
Google search, 6.56am: oh zempic
Google search, 6:57am: ozempic
Wikipedia: Ozempic (pharmaceutical), 7:02am
Google search, 7:07am: ozempic 4 cars
Google search, 7:07am: ozempic 4 cats
Google search, 7:12am: why no ozempic 4 cats?
Pain In The Bud: Latest Stories, 7:44am
Pain In The Bud: Submit Comment: “LIES!!! BUDDY WOULD NEVAR RUN FROM A MOUSES! WHO WRITES THIS RAG?!?”, 7:49am
Google search, 2:33pm: how to get human to give more snax
Google search, 3:11am: hot calico
Google search, 3:14am: sexy calico
Google search, 3:21am: sexy calico new York area
Wednesday, June 11, 2025
Google search, 4:12pm: when do cats get growth spurt
Google search, 4:12pm: when do cats grow into tigers
Google search, 4:15pm: tiger meowscle workout
Thursday, June 12, 2025:
Google search, 1:03pm: turkey
Google search, 1:14pm: turkey
Wikipedia: Turkiye (country)
KFC.com: Order Online, 2:22pm
KFC.com: Colonel’s Original Recipe Bucket, 2:23pm
KFC.com: Confirm Your Order
Friday, June 13, 2025
Google search, 7:16pm: fursat the 13
Google search, 7:16pm: Friday the 13th
Wikipedia: Friday the 13th (film), 7:16pm
Google search, 7;21pm: is jason real?
Google search, 8:16pm: how 2 make human lay on couch
Google search, 8:19pm: how 2 lure human to couch
Google search, 8:23pm: 2nd best thing besides human to sleep on
Google search, 8:29pm: how 2 make human obey
Google search, 8:30pm: r humans stupid?
Google search, 8:44pm: stoopid sport ppl stand in field
Google search, 8:47pm: stoopid sport ppl stand in field and one guy waves stick try to hit ball
Wikipedia: Baseball, 8:52pm
A cat who ran onto the field at Yankee Stadium during a Yankees-Oriolesgame on Aug. 2, 2021. Since the feline, dubbed “rally cat” by the fans, interrupted the game, the Orioles endured a miserable stretch, losing 19 games in a row, while the Yankees went 18-3, including an 11-game win streak. Credit: Bronx Times
Google search, 10:15pm: buddy
Google search, 10:15pm: buddy the cat
Google search, 10:16pm: other buddy the cat
Google search, 10:17 pm: other buddy the cat famous
Google search, 10:19pm: FAMOUS BUDDY THE CAT
Famous Felines: A Site Dedicated To The Biggest Cat Celebrities On The Internet, 10:26pm
Buddy has worn many hats in his time, literally and figuratively. He’s a good boy!
In 2019, Buddy was called up to the Yankees from AAA Scranton in place of the injured Giancarlo Stanton. Batting behind team captain Aaron Judge, Buddy hit a terrific .328 with 117 runs, while his jersey became the top seller in the team’s official store.
Sgt. Buddy in his USMC dress blues.
In 2015, Buddy was promoted to the rank of sergeant (E-5) in the US Marine Corps, where he served as a drill instructor at Marine Corps Recruit Depot on Parris Island, South Carolina. A tough but fair DI, Buddy churned out some of the Corps’ finest Marines while pioneering new hand-to-paw combat techniques.
In 1627, Buddy ascended the Phoenix Throne of the Joseon dynasty, earning him the title “Jeonha,” or king. Jeonha Buddy led Joseon through a period of post-war turmoil and into recovery while also establishing trade eastward with a previously-unknown culture that raised a magnificent bird known as turkey.
In 2023, Buddy was chosen as the face of Armani’s newest line of sleek suits, cutting a dapper figure on the runway.
The annual tournament pitted more than 20 furry emcees against each other in a battle of rhymes and wit.
NEW YORK — Gripping the microphone in his paw, Panther the Pulverizer took aim at Buddy the Funky Feline and, when the beat dropped, launched into a blistering verse filled with punchlines about his opponent.
“You got no chance, so say sayonara,” the Pulverizer rhymed. “You’re so fat, cats thought you was a capybara!”
“My flow’s a gale, in a storm you’re supposed to bail. How you gonna carry weight when you broke the scale?” he rapped, drawing laughter from the crowd. “You’re known to fail, terrified with a bloated tail, so walk your ass home ’cause you won’t prevail!”
Hektah tha Headhunta, one half of duo Spliff an’ Wessin’, earned himself a quarterfinal berth with a raucous verse that dismantled Boss the Bocelot.
“Oh, snap!” one cat exclaimed and the all-feline crowd whooped and cheered as the Pulverizer continued his verbal assault.
The Pulverizer pressed forward, invading his opponent’s personal space as he fired the next salvo of punchlines.
“What’s wrong, lil’ Bud? Is it hard to diss us? You couldn’t move these cats if you farted citrus. Pardon it’s cause you’re avoiding this bout, knowing I’ll make you bounce like your primordial pouch.”
A collective “Dayum!” echoed throughout the crowd while the DJ doubled over with laughter. Meanwhile, Buddy sucked in his gut, suddenly self-conscious.
“My man got punchlines about primordial pouches, yo!” an approving member of the audience shouted, his tail swishing with excitement.
“Am I supposed to be intimidated? Hell no! You sound like a constipated Elmo. Truth is both my waistline and my raps are leaner,” he rhymed, gesturing toward Buddy. “While this cat runs screaming from a vacuum cleaner. Face it lil’ Bud, we ain’t rivals. You came here dead on arrival!”
The crowd roared for several seconds after the beat cut out as the Pulverizer basked in the audience’s approval.
Panther the Pulverizer, a kitty rapper from Astoria, Queens.
Buddy, dressed in oversized Tommy Hilfiger jeans, a bubble jacket and a Yankees cap turned sideways, took the mic for his turn and wasted no time launching into his retaliatory verse.
“My name’s Buddy, I’m ferocious in fights. Little known fact: also dope on the mic!” he rapped. “You’re a joke over-hyped, frozen with fright, lookin’ like a ghost you’re so white! It’s hopeless, allright? You’re a featherweight, I’m Mike Tyson tonight.”
Lay-Z is a New York-based kit hop artist who admits to an easy housecat life, with his rhymes often boasting of stainless steel bowls, palatial cat condos and fine dining on human delicacies.
“Get ’em, champ!” a supporter shouted from the crowd.
“You don’t have the balls to diss me, that’s truth in fact! I’m the real tom, you’re just a neutered cat. Your whole crew is wack, don’t even try to diss! Buddy’s a lion, you’re just a pride of wimps.”
The Pulverizer glowered as the crowd roared with laughter.
“I got fans across the world, it’s me they’re feeling, the only fans you got are spinning on your ceiling,” Buddy the Funky Feline rapped, waving a paw at the roof. “Buddy’s the illest, thats why I spit it hot. You’re full of shit like an unscooped litter box.”
“Damn! Damn, damn, damn!” host Meowthod Man of the Mew Tang Clan shouted, waving off the beat. “Let’s hear what the judges have to say!”
The judges called the battle 2-1 in favor of Buddy, granting him the split decision and sending him to the semifinals.
The Funky Feline is due to face Crouching Tiger, the highly favored big cat with a smoky voice and crisp flow. The winner of that bout will advance to the finals to battle the winner of the semifinal match pitting the Deft Leopard against MC Hektah the Headhunta.
Buddy tha Funky Feline, also known as Snackmaster Flex, is known for his vivid lyricism about life in the ‘hood and exuberant rhymes about junk food.
Buddy the Funky Feline has been the target of criticism claiming that while he rhymes about “life in the hood” as a hardscrabble stray, he actually grew up as a pampered house cat in the suburbs. He seeks to burnish his street cred ahead of his new album, Chillmatic, which is expected to break record sales when it’s released later this month. It’s the first full-length release from the New York-based kitty rapper since 2020’s Got 2 Have Turkeys and his 2021 EP, Fowl Play.
While promoting the former record during a concert stop in Tokyo, Buddy’s tour bus was infamously overturned by a crowd of screaming female fans, who pelted the bus with bras and held signs professing their love for him.
His entry into the Cat Fight 2023 battle rap tournament is meant to signal that he’s more than just a prettyboy, with an appeal beyond his massive female fanbase.
“Buddy is so kawaii, we love him,” gushed Kei Kikuno, one of Bud’s many Japanese admirers. “I just want to pinch those little cheeks!”
A shockingly poor season from the Yankees has led to a reduction in celebratory treat-sharing, leaving poor Buddy in danger of starving!
NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat took aim at the New York Yankees on Sunday, blaming the team’s players and front office for a noticeable drop-off in celebratory treat dispensing as the team has struggled.
“Reprehensible” is how the gray tabby described the 2023 campaign by baseball’s most storied franchise, baring his teeth in disgust at the bitterly disappointing performance of the club.
“Last season Aaron Judge hit 62 home runs, which was a record both for the American League and the Yankees and more importantly occasioned the dispensing of celebratory treats for me every time the ball landed beyond the outfield wall. But this year? Judge was injured for half the season, the rest of these guys couldn’t hit a ball off a tee and I am unacceptably bereft of frequent yums.”
Buddy told reporters his patience was exhausted before the All Star break as the team wallowed in mediocrity, but things really took a turn for the worse in recent weeks when the Yankees dropped nine consecutive series and often failed to muster a single run.
“These bums have had games where they go 2 for 31 with 17 strikeouts!” the exasperated feline meowed. “They’re facing back of the rotation guys and striking out like pick-up artists at a bar! How’s a cat supposed to snack in these conditions?!”
Another poor feline deprived of yums due to the Yankees’ poor play.
As the season spiraled out of control the Yankees found themselves as many as six games below .500, endangering a streak of more than 30 consecutive winning seasons and, more importantly, starving poor Buddy.
The result of their futility, he explained, was a disgruntled human who had far fewer occasions to celebrate and share his excitement by fetching snacks from the treat cabinet.
The futility of the Yankees has been especially difficult for Buddy as he watches cats whose humans are fans of the Atlanta Braves “feast like vikings in Valhalla.”
“I got so desperate, I started to sound like [Yankees manager] Aaron Boone,” Buddy admitted. “[Yankees designated hitter Giancarlo] Stanton would whiff on a slider two feet off the plate and I’d say ‘Well that was a pretty solid at bat, pal, what do you say we break out the crunchies?’ But he just looked at me with disgust.”
The feline, known for his various schemes to obtain more food, said he’s been trying to get his human interested in other sports in a desperate bid to earn more snacks.
“There’s that guy down in Miami, Messy something, in that sport where they kick a ball around,” he said. “Why can’t Big Buddy get into that? Those guys win a lot.”
With the baseball season in its last weeks and a playoff berth looking extremely unlikely, Buddy said he’s got even more riding on the upcoming New York Knicks season.
“Jalen Brunson has been a wonder for exceeeding my snack quota,” he told reporters. “Every time he hits a clutch three, chewy and crunchy treats rain down from the sky. When the Knicks won their first round playoff series, snacks flowed like a river! I need that team to be even better this year, otherwise I’m going to be skin and bones.”
It’s the latest of several studies indicating animals including cats, dogs and horses respond better to higher-pitched, softer voices.
Cats are more responsive when their humans use “baby talk” to address them, a new study claims.
A research team from Paris Nanterre University played a series of recordings for cats. One set of recordings featured a stranger addressing each cat, while another set featured the cat’s human servant calling to the cat.
Each set also had clips in two different tones of voice: one in which the humans spoke to the cats in a tone normally reserved for addressing fellow adults, and another in which they baby-talked their felines.
Not surprisingly the cats were mostly content to ignore the strangers calling them by name even when the strangers used higher-pitched tones, but “displayed a constellation of behaviors suggesting increased attentiveness” when they heard audio of their humans calling them.
The kitties were even more responsive when their humans used the “sing-songy” tone of voice many people reserve for pets, babies, young children and Texans. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself! I’m still salty over my Yankees getting swept by the Astros.)
The research team said the study, which was published today in the journal Animal Cognition, was yet another piece of evidence showing felines are not the ultra-stoic, emotionless animals they’ve been portrayed as for as long as anyone can remember.
“For a long time it has been thought that cats are very independent creatures, only interested in [humans for] eating and shelter, but the fact that they react specifically to their owner, and not just anybody addressing them, supports the idea that they are attached,” said Charlotte de Mouzon, the paper’s lead author. “It brings further evidence to encourage humans to consider cats as sensitive and communicative individuals.”
Although the study included just 16 cats — sample size is a recurring problem in feline-related studies, since researchers often have to travel to the homes of house cats to study their normal behavior — it’s just the latest bit of research on tone in human-cat communication.
As I wrote last year, I don’t use baby talk with Buddy, and I tend to think of him as, well, my little buddy instead of my “child,” as so many “pet parents” do. That’s not to say I think people who view their pets that way are doing it wrong, or that I don’t have parental feelings toward Bud. Of course I do.
But as I also wrote, Buddy does not tolerate baby talk. I joked that he’d paw-smack me if I spoke to him that way, and indeed he has nipped at me and dispensed warning slaps the handful of times I’ve come close to addressing him that way.
“Aw! Widdle Buddy is angwy, huh?”
I think it’s because of the way I raised him. He’s not accustomed to it, and he finds it annoying. That makes sense, and it comports with the study authors’ suggestions that the one-on-one relationship between feline and human is an important factor in many facets of cat communication.
But maybe if I’m prepared to dodge a few angry paws I can use the threat of baby talk to nudge Buddy toward being more responsive during those times when he doesn’t feel like coming when called or stopping some important work he’s engrossed in, like chattering away at birds outside.
“Bud! Hey, Bud! Listen to me. I’m talking to you,” I might say. “Okay, have it your way. Who’s da little Buddy wuddy who isn’t wistening to me, huh? Who’s da widdle cwanky boy?”
I’m pretty sure he’ll launch himself at me with a derisive “Mrrrrppp!” and take a big swipe. Haha!
But maybe, just maybe, he’ll be more inclined to listen. Do you baby talk your cats?
Pain In The Bud 