Zzzzzzz…zzzzzz…zzzzz…wait, what?! Oh. Merry Christmas!
The Buddies wish all of you a wonderful Christmas filled with warmth, love, turkey, and lots of awesome stuff from Santa Claws!
Thank you for reading PITB and for being advocates for our furry friends!
Another year, another Festivus for the Rest of Us.
This year marks the 29th Festivus of the Festivus Revival Era, when Cosmo Kramer convinced Frank Costanza to bring back the beloved holiday that eschews the excessive commercialism of the modern holiday season.
We enthusiastically celebrate Festivus annually at Casa de Buddy and here on the blog, but if you’re joining us for the first time and you’re not familiar with the tradition, we can help get you up to speed by referring back to the wisdom of Frank Costanza, who founded the holiday:
Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us!
Festivus was popularized by Seinfeld in the 1997 episode “The Strike,” and presented as a holiday celebrated by the Costanza family under duress, at the insistence of Frank Costanza, the insane father of George Costanza.
But the holiday was not invented for the show — it was a real tradition invented by Dan O’Keefe Sr., father of Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe, in the 1960s. The younger O’Keefe had no plans to work it into an episode of the sitcom, and blames his “loudmouth brother” for bringing it up at a party for the Seinfeld cast and crew.
O’Keefe pleaded with his colleagues not to write it into an episode, but by that point Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, the main creative forces behind the show, were already intrigued and couldn’t be talked out of it.
In a 2017 interview, Dan O’Keefe said he believed his father’s made-up holiday was “too weird” for the TV audience, but Seinfeld has always been about the absurd and the nonsensical.
The audience loved it, and in the almost three decades since, Festivus has grown in popularity. It’s celebrated in homes, neighborhood bars, offices and other places as a non-secular holiday for which people don’t have to worry about bringing gifts and it’s okay to be a little grumpy.
As testament to its widespread popularity and its place in modern American culture, Festivus has been recognized as a culturally significant event by the Library of Congress.
On the surface, Festivus is superficially similar to Christmas. It involves a gathering of family and friends, a holiday dinner and a warm atmosphere.
But in a rejection of holiday consumerism, Festivus is not celebrated with a tree or candles. Instead, the primary decoration is an unadorned Festivus pole, usually made out of aluminum. (“I find tinsel distracting,” Frank Costanza explained.)
Festivus dinner begins with the Airing of Grievances and ends with the Feats of Strength.
The head of the family declares “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!”
It should come as no surprise that cats, who have high standards for service, would have their owh list of disappointments. Behold, Little Buddy the Cat’s grievances for 2025:
Big Buddy: It has come to my attention that you portray me as a wimp on MY blog! Apparently your claims about me running from vacuums and the rustling of paper bags are running jokes in your posts. These heresies shall not go unpunished! I am a tiger!
Readers of PITB: Et tu, friends of Little Buddy? And here I thought I had admirers who appreciate me for being the dashing, beguiling, intelligent and meowscular feline I am. As punishment, I shall refuse to do anything amusing for at least a month, depriving you of stories about my witty ripostes and magnificent adventures.
Smudge the Neighbor Cat: Your time will come soon, my friend. Very soon. Nobody tangles with Buddy and…uh…gets untangled. Or something. You think I don’t know you’ve been surreptitiously marking my front door with your foul stench? I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, so you’d better not try any of your sneaky stuff!
The Jaguars of the Amazon: Once again, you my homies! You know how to make a fellow apex predator feel at home, and you can be reliably called upon when I need a vacuum destroyed or dogs intimidated. I got your backs! I love you guys.
Santa Claws: Last year’s gifts were a bit sub par, if I’m being honest. I’m a good boy, and as a good boy, I deserve toys! I have left the Christmas tree alone this year, I don’t scratch the couch, and I only puked on Big Buddy’s bed once. It’s technically my bed anyway, so it’s not like I did it on purpose. Trust me, I almost felt bad when Big Buddy had to replace the sheets and wash the old ones twice. And I don’t know what you may have heard regarding those vile rumors about me smacking Big Buddy in his sleep, but they’re really light taps with my paw. Smack is such a harsh word. Can I have new toys now?
Bud wishes everyone a very delicious Christmas.
This year, Santa brought something really awesome for Little Buddy!
No, not a Roomba. A TinyTent! A beautiful, dark blue tiny tent with equally tiny mesh windows and and a tiny rain fly.
I put it together and called Bud over.
“Look, Bud!”
He meowed, tail up, clearly interested. But he didn’t go inside, so I got a few of his favorite treats and tossed them in there.
Bud padded over, stuck his head and front paws in the tent…and I realized he may be too fat for his TinyTent.
I need to get him in there. After all, the entire point was to put it on my desk and establish a clear Buddy Spot, a place where he can be right next to me and lounge comfortably without sitting in front of my monitor or on the keyboard.
He will fit. Cats are liquid, after all, and love a good snug spot. I just have to wait until the tent floor settles a bit and maybe add an old t-shirt.
Then Bud will have his Buddy Spot, so he can be cozy and remain within one foot of me while allowing me to write. (Yeah right.)
And if not…it’s diet time, fat boy! For both of us.
Special thanks to my nieces, who gifted Buddy his TinyTent. They remain the only two humans in the world Bud is terrified of, and I feel bad they can’t play with him much, but they love him.
In other Christmas gift news, my mom gave me this mug “from Bud,” and, well, it’s almost embarrassingly, uncannily accurate, and the image is not custom-made:
I mean, that’s a gray tabby, but it’s also his precise coloring, and the black t-shirt, red-brown hair and man bun are all me. (We’ll pause so you can laugh at me for the bun. It never would have happened if COVID didn’t shut down barbershops for an entire year and I didn’t watch Vikings during the pandemic, thinking “That Ragnar Lothbrok has cool hair! I wanna be a viking!”)
As for the rest of Christmas, I am spending it with family and I hope you are too, friends. I know some people feel they need to drink just to tolerate relatives, but I have always been grateful that my family is boringly normal. No fights, no arguments, and we’ve all agreed not to talk politics.
I hope your gatherings are similarly uneventful and you get to enjoy the holidays and your families.
And now we leave you with a lively and festive number from Buddy the Cat’s Christmas songbook, originally published in 2022. It’s meant to be sung to the Tony Bennett version of My Favorite Things, a true classic!
Temps in my bowlses and snacks in the kitchen
Taunting the street cats and smacking some kittens
Leaving the neighbor’s dog tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things!
Bubble wrap, peanuts and UPS boxes
4 a.m. zooms when I scream like a rocket
Waking my human with songs that I sing
These are a few of my favorite things!
At nail clip time, things I dislike
When I’m really mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!
Calico booties and slices of Gouda
Ambushing like I’ve been launched by bazooka
No consequences ’cause I am the king!
These are a few of my favorite things!
Screeching in anguish at doors closed between us
Shattering Wise Men and statues of Jesus
I helped myself to the buffalo wings
These are a few of my favorite things!
Meow at my bowl as if I’ve been forgotten
Screeching in panic ’cause I see the bottom
Gorging on kibble till I am puking
These are a few of my favorite things!
When I’m told no, ’cause I broke those
When my dad is mad
I’ll get away with my favorite things
Because I’m a real cute cat!
On Dec. 23, it’s a Festivus for the Rest of Us.
It’s that time of year when we celebrate a Festivus for the Rest of Us!
As seasoned Festivus pros know, the holiday falls on Dec. 23 and eschews the commercialism that’s taken over the season. Instead of a tree or a menorah, Festivus decorating consists of a single unadorned pole. In the words of founder Frank Costanza: “I find tinsel distracting.”
At the Festivus gathering, family and friends get together for a meal, which ends with the Airing of Grievances, in which you tell your loved ones all the ways they’ve disappointed you over the past year.
“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people,” Frank Costanza said during Festivus 1997, “and now you’re gonna hear about it!”
So we’ll hand it over to Little Bud for his grievances:
To Big Buddy: Ten Christmases! Ten, and still no Roomba! You, sir, are a man of empty promises and crushed dreams. Year after year I made my Christmas list, and I remind you of all the ways I’ve been a good boy. I don’t go on the counter tops, ever. I leave the Christmas tree alone. And when I smack you in the face to wake you up, I don’t smack you too hard. What else do I need to do?
The Pirates of Somalia: I thought we had something, guys! Aye, some of me best memories are of sailing the high seas with me mates, looking for plunder on cargo and cruise ships. I didn’t even get a Christmas card from you this year!
The Jaguars of Amazonia: You guys are my true homies! You welcomed me with open paws. We hunted together, we napped together, we took ayahuasca and ran around the jungle hallucinating giant turkeys. You even made me an honorary jaguar and named me Kinich Bajo, or “Tiny sun-eyed one.” And you sure do know how to provide muscle! Every cat and dog for 15 miles is scared of me because I roll with you. I love you guys!
The Tigers of the Bronx Zoo: I offered a paw in friendship, and what did you do? You let one of your females abduct me and take me back to her cave, where she treated me like one of her cubs and bathed me in her saliva. It was horrible! Do you know how many actual baths it took to get rid of the stink? I still have PTSD!
The Readers of PITB: Maybe I’m mistaken, but it feels like you don’t tell me how charming and awesome I am as much as you used to.
Smudge from Apartment 1S: You, sir, are pushing your luck. This floor isn’t big enough for the two of us, and at some point there’s going to be a reckoning. You should be really scared.
Santa Claws is coming to town.
Merry Christmas from the Buddies!
We will be with our extended family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Buddy won’t be at the large family gatherings on Christmas Eve (allergic family members) or Christmas Day (three pooches will be present and obviously you can’t have a Buddinese tiger walking loose, for the dogs’ protection), but he will get to participate in the Christmas morning gift-giving among immediate family, he’ll get leftovers and he’s already had quite a bit of excitement with my nieces around.
We hope all of you are able to be with family or friends this holiday, and that your gathering is delicious. Cookie spreads are important, people! It’s not all about hors d’oeuvres and main courses. You’ve gotta go out with a bang! And make turkey so the leftovers can be taken home to your cat, of course.
Thanks for helping PITB — and Buddy’s legend — grow in 2023. We’re looking forward to 2024 when Bud will continue his quest for world domination.
Pain In The Bud 