Buddy – Page 22 – Pain In The Bud

The Buddinese Jaguar: A Fitting Feline For The One Percent!

You can’t have a jaguar pet and you can’t have Buddy the Cat, but what if you could have a breed that combines the best features of both? You’d pay a lot for that, wouldn’t you? Good, ’cause they start at $10k!

SATIRE/CAT HUMOR

Inspired by the exclusive Ashera cat, we proudly present to you the Buddinese Jaguar, the pinnacle in feline luxury.

Why settle for a pedestrian Bengal or Savannah when you could own the ultimate in feline status symbols?

Our Buddinese Jaguars feature royal lineage, the finest genetic modifications, and they’re extremely handsome!

– Ultra exclusive luxury cat
– Available in hypoallergenic variants
– Version 2.15 now available!
– Patented SilkySmooth™ technology results in a luxuriously soft coat
– Eye colors available in Neon Emerald, Viridescent Beryl, Azure Sky, Amber Glow, Flecked Gold, Elvis Pink Cadillac, Crystal Cobalt and Electric Sapphire
– Optional moon roof
– Easy to use Quiet Mode™ technology guarantees your Buddinese Jaguar will shut up when you want it to
– Extended 5-year warranty

Each Buddinese Jaguar comes with a rapid USB 3.0 charger, a V8 engine that provides plenty of power for HyperZooms, and an Apple AirTag-enabled collar.

Buddinese Jaguar kitten — From kittenhood until adulthood, Buddinese Jaguars are exemplars of handsomeness.

In addition to guaranteed software updates for at least five years, your Buddinese Jaguar is equipped with onboard analog algorithms ensuring it downloads exclusively in its litter box and nowhere else.

Base models start at only $9,950! Hypoallergenic models with patented Fel-d-1 Guard™ technology available starting at $12,495.

We are an officially authorized retailer accredited by the Buddinese Jaguar Association and the Buddinese Authorized Distributor Association Service Standards (BADASS), awarded only to retailers who maintain the highest breed standards.

About the breed:

The Buddinese Jaguar was developed by Buddesian Labs. Lead scientist Buddy the Cat tirelessly and selflessly engaged in coitus with 217 jaguarundi females, producing the magnificent offspring that would comprise the first generation of these extremely handsome cats. Using pioneering techniques in CRISPR gene-editing, Buddy did the impossible and improved upon perfection by eliminating allergens and adding even more meowscle mass.

Note: Buddy the Cat himself is not available for purchase, although he will entertain offers for his human.

Buddy sleeping — Chief scientist Buddy recovers after selflessly and heroically engaging in coitus with 217 jaguarundi females in the name of science.

Does Your Feline Overlord Have A Favorite Genre Of Music?

Cats have exceptional hearing abilities and can detect sounds in frequencies well beyond what the human ear is capable of hearing, but can they appreciate music?

The question of whether cats appreciate music is an interesting one, and we still don’t have definitive answers despite attempts to make music for our furry friends and study the way they respond to sound.

We’ve mentioned the ongoing efforts to make tunes for felines on this blog before, and previously experimented by playing composer David Teie‘s “Music for Cats“ for our brave volunteer, Buddy.

Excited by the possibility of music specifically designed for cats, and a study in the Journal of Feline Medicine and Surgery that found it had a calming effect on the species, we queued up a track and watched the Budster’s reaction:

“Using Buddy as my test subject, I went to Youtube, selected the track Cozmo’s Air from “Music for Cats” and sat back, expecting Bud to start nodding his furry head at any moment.

Instead his ears pricked up, did their radar-dish swivel toward the speakers, and his eyes went wide. As the song gained volume and intensity, Bud’s ears and whiskers snapped back and he let out a clearly anxious “yerrrrrrrrrrppp!” I tried to calm him down, to no avail, and a second track didn’t improve things.

He wasn’t having it.”

Over at Catster, Christopher Bays writes about his cat, Olga, and her relationship with music.

Olga “has listened to classic rock, jazz, blues, classical, heavy metal, punk (or new wave?), and accordion tunes from Hungary, and it all sounds the same to her,” Bays concludes.

djfunkybud — “Spinning the megamix, bro.”/PITB

Noting that our tastes change as we age, Bays said he’s thankful Olga wasn’t around during his teenage punk and metal phase (ditto), and notes she’s not particularly interested in any sounds coming from electronic devices, with the exception of the roaring MGM lion. (Fun fact: The famous “lion’s roar” is actually a recording of a tiger played over footage of a lion yawning. The creators apparently felt lions don’t sound sufficiently badass enough.)

Bays points out our cats don’t exactly have control over what we play, and while that’s true, if you’re a genre-hopper like me, you’ve probably observed your furry friend’s reaction to various types of music.

Given the fact that the small amount of research done so far indicates cats do respond to tunes — and the existence of music-loving animals like Kiki and Snowball — I think felines probably are capable of enjoying the organized, rhythmic arrangements of sounds we call music.

I can’t say whether a favorite track can unleash a wave of emotion, nostalgia or energy the way it can for us humans, but I’ve played a lot of music around Bud and even played music for him on my guitar and keyboard.

He seems very comfortable with old jazz, soul and funk, he comfortably loafs when I’m in the mood for classic 90s hip hop, and he seems to tolerate the prog rock of Coheed and Cambria well enough. More recently he’s been on a 90s nostalgia trip with me: Blues Traveler, the Spin Doctors, Nirvana, Oasis, Better Than Ezra, Letters to Cleo, Ash, Weezer, Blur, The Roots.

And he seems especially chill in the sonic presence of synthwave, also called retrowave, an EDM-inflected genre that evokes nostalgia for an era that never really existed outside of 80s retrofuturism. It’s highly rhythmic, with steady 4/4 beats and vintage synthesizers cranking out arpeggios that rise and fall like waves, which may be a source of comfort to a species that likes things just the way they are without any big surprises.

Have you noticed your cats responding to music? What’s your kitty’s favorite genre or song? Is there anything they clearly don’t like?

Pet Theft Up 40 Percent Since Pandemic, Criminologist Says

Incidents like Sunday’s attempted cat robbery are happening more often in recent years, a forensic investigator specializing in animal-related crimes says.

Pet theft is a low-risk, high-reward way for the criminally-minded to make a quick buck, which is one reason why such crimes have become much more common since the pandemic, a forensics professor told the New Haven Register.

Virginia Maxwell, who specializes in forensic investigation of animal cruelty, spoke to the newspaper in the wake of Sunday’s failed gunpoint robbery when two men broke into an East Haven, Conn., home and demanded the victims’ “high dollar value cat.”

But first we’d like to draw your attention to an announcement we made back in February of 2021. At the time pet theft was in the headlines after robbers shot a man walking Lady Gaga’s breed dogs, while across the country in Portland a man stole a van full of daycare-bound pups.

Here’s what we wrote at the time:

“Buddy would like everyone to know he does not actually live in New York, and that his true location is a secret.

“I could be living in Rome,” the troublemaking tabby cat said. “I could be Luxembourgish. Maybe I live in Königreich Romkerhall or the Principality of Sealand. You just don’t know.”

“The one thing you can be certain of is I definitely don’t live in New York.”

We would like to make clear that we continue to blog from Not New York.

On a more serious note, financial woes brought on by the pandemic, painful inflation and a generally difficult economy have attracted the criminally inclined to the petnapping trade, and as Maxwell pointed out to the Register, few people are held accountable for animal-related crimes. That includes darker endeavors like dog fighting and puppy/kitten mills.

“Sadly, animal cruelty in general is under-prosecuted, and very, very few actually end up resulting in jail time,” Maxwell said.

white cat on brown wooden shelf — A cat stays above the fray and surveys her surroundings from an elevated perch. Credit: cottonbro studio/Pexels

Sometimes pet thieves are opportunists who see a cat or dog who catches their fancy, or they believe might be worth money. Those cases often include people luring well-loved animals off porches and property with food.

Most, however, are people who intentionally target breeds that command high prices and are primarily responsible for what Maxwell says is a 40 percent spike in petnappings since early 2020. For felines that means Bengals, Savannahs, Ragdolls, Maine Coons, Norwegian Forest Cats and other breeds that can net the thief a solid payday for minimal effort.

“They’re going to steal your pedigree cat, your pedigree dog that’s worth thousands” and immediately flip the animal, Maxwell told the newspaper.

Social media, it turns out, is a double-edged sword.

While cops and animal welfare organizations warn people against showing off valuable pets online — and urge people to disable features like location tagging — the same platforms are often invaluable for retrieving stolen cats and dogs. Groups on sites like Reddit and Facebook help people find their well-loved four-legged family members and warn others when they identify resellers.

You can help keep your furry friends safe by making sure they’re microchipped, only allowing them outdoors when you’re there to accompany them, and keeping gates, doors and garages closed and locked.

2 Men Break Into House, Demand Cat At Gunpoint, Cops Say

The would-be robbers knew the cat was worth money and specifically targeted the victims, according to police.

Two armed men broke into a Connecticut home on Sunday afternoon and demanded the victims turn over their “high dollar value cat,” according to the East Haven Police Department.

The would-be robbers initially tried to force their way into the East Haven house through a rear sliding glass door, but when the victims tried to prevent them from getting in, one of the men simply kicked through the glass, cops said.

That’s when the intruders brandished a handgun and demanded not cash, not jewelry or other valuables, but the cat!

The kitty in question must have been spooked by all the commotion because the frustrated robbers left empty-handed after a few minutes of fruitless searching. They hopped into a blue BMW and sped off, the victims told police.

Cops didn’t offer any description or breed information about the feline, describing it simply as a “high dollar value cat.”

It’s not uncommon for prized breed cats to command $5,000 from prospective buyers, and some breeds like the “exotic” Savannah cat can sell for as much as $20,000.

bengal cat on white background — Bengal cats like the one above are favorite targets of thieves. Credit: jerry u6770/Pexels

While it’s unusual for someone to break into a home and demand a cat at gunpoint, in the middle of the day no less, cat theft is actually a thing.

Thieves most frequently go after Bengals, Savannahs, Maine Coons, Ragdolls and other breeds that can make them a quick buck by selling them to unsuspecting buyers. Surprisingly domestic shorthairs are on several lists of most commonly stolen cats, but a vet tech tells Reader’s Digest that moggies make the list simply because there are so many of them.

Part of the problem is that the penalties for stealing cats aren’t prohibitive. Most states either treat cats and dogs as property that can simply be replaced, or classify theft of pets in archaic agriculture and markets laws, which were designed to deal with disputes over livestock and farm animals, not pets.

Advocates in some countries, like the UK, are pushing legislation that would make stealing a pet a criminal offense with much harsher penalties.

In Sunday’s attempted robbery, police found the BMW abandoned in Hamden, a town about 10 miles north of East Hampton. They’re still looking into the unsuccessful caper, telling local media that the attempt was planned, not a crime of opportunity or a random event.

Still, if you have a “high dollar value cat,” it’s worth taking some precautions. Here at Casa de Buddy we’ve installed a feline version of a panic room: a panic box! Reinforced with heavy shipping tape, the thick corrugated cardboard is sure to keep bad guys out while also remaining roomy, yet paradoxically snug.

buddybox2 — “Yes, this will do nicely, human.”

NY Cat Eats At The Table With His Humans, Plus: More Kittens And Climate Change!

A cat eating at the table with his humans? Let’s hope Bud doesn’t get any ideas!

File this under “Information that must be hidden from Buddy at all cost, lest he get ideas.”

Franklin, a cat who lives in Brooklyn, has gone from fending for himself on the streets of New York to a very comfortable indoor existence with two humans who are happy to let him sit at the table with them for meals. Bowls? Pfffft. Franklin drinks from his own glass:

Franklin the cat — Credit: Andrea and Alice via Newsweek

As the dutiful servant to a cat who most definitely believes he’s a human — or should have all the privileges and none of the responsibilities of one — this makes me uneasy. If Bud were to somehow find out about this, all hell would break loose and before I know it he’ll be demanding custom cutlery and a silk pillow on which to rest his behind and elevate him to the level of the table.

As a vegetarian I don’t necessarily have to worry about Bud eating my food, but he sure does love sticking his face in it and giving it an exploratory lick or three.

“Is that…? Dude, let me in there, I just wanna stick my face in your mashed potatoes and confirm I don’t like them,” I imagine him saying. “Yep. Still don’t like them. Oh stop being so dramatic, you can pick the fur out!”

A reasonable take on the kitten/climate change claims

The Grist has a new story about the alleged connection between an “increase” in kittens and climate change, and while it unfortunately links to one of the bunk studies that uses meta-analysis to make wild claims about feline impact on the environment, it does include the most measured and reasonable take so far on the claims:

“Others, like Peter J. Wolf, a senior strategist at the Best Friends Animal Society, think the increase comes down to visibility rather than anything biological. As the weather warms, Wolf said people may be getting out more and noticing kittens earlier in the year than before. Then they bring them into shelters, resulting in rescue groups feeling like kitten season is starting earlier.”

As we noted on Sunday, the claim that there are more kittens, or that kitten season is longer, is entirely dependent on anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately no one has any data for baseline population numbers when it comes to cats in the US, let alone historical data that allows us to say there are more kittens born in recent years.

The best we’ve got is the excellent but single-city DC Cat Count, and to establish a convincing link between climate change and kittens we’d not only need hard data, but we’d also need to eliminate dozens of other potential factors like ever-increasing light pollution, urban heat islands and wave effects from 2020, when society went into lockdown and animals were mostly left to their own devices.

Once again, there’s only one measurement that really matters in the end, and that’s the number of cats euthanized annually because there aren’t homes for them. Spaying/neutering and education efforts have driven that number down dramatically over the past 20 years, and ultimately that’s the best solution we have.