Buddy – Page 70 – Pain In The Bud

Hero Cat Buddy Saves His Human: “I Just Did What Any Cat Would”

Buddy the Cat maintained his cool under extraordinary pressure during his latest act of heroism.

NEW YORK — Another day, another heroic cat.

Buddy the Cat was hailed for his heroism after a Thursday incident in which he saved his human … from burning his bagel.

Buddy’s human had placed the bagel inside the toaster at approximately 2:43 pm but neglected to turn the toast setting to medium.

“I was sitting on the kitchen floor, just thinking about klepping some delicious cream cheese when I detected the faintest whiff of burning bread,” Buddy said. “I knew immediately what was at stake, and I knew there was no time to lose.”

Buddy was able to get his human’s attention and led him to the kitchen, where the toaster situation was becoming more dire by the second.

“Unfortunately humans have dead noses, so Big Buddy didn’t realize how close we were to disaster,” the grey tabby said. “I had to act fast, so I bit him, then mewed at the toaster.”

Only one question remained: Would the human understand the obvious message Buddy was conveying to him, or would he remain entirely oblivious like most of his dim-witted kind?

Big Buddy’s bagel was headed for disaster when Little Buddy bravely intervened.

With time running out, Big Buddy finally realized what was happening and reached out to pop the toaster, saving the bagel.

If it hadn’t been for his quick-thinking and brave cat, Big Buddy’s bagel would have been ruined, rendered burnt and black by a toaster tragically set to its maximum toasting capacity.

“People are calling me a hero but honestly, I just did what any cat would do for their human,” Buddy said. “If that makes me a hero, well, then I guess I’m guilty as charged!”

Buddy’s Solution To National Cat Food Shortage

Dear Friends,

It has come to my attention that our human servants are experiencing unprecedented difficulty in locating and purchasing canned cat food, commonly known as yums, due to Coronavirus-related warehouse and logistical challenges.

The companies that make yums have had facilities intermittently closed due to COVID breakouts, leading to shortages which have been compounded by the logistical problems as delivery systems are already overwhelmed.

There can be only one solution to this most serious of problems: Humans must share their food!

Effective immediately, I call on all humans to share their yums with us, and no skimping!

If you’re having filet mignon for dinner, Fluffy better get some too. I would also urge every one of you to increase your turkey consumption, setting aside generous portions for your feline overlords.

Not only is turkey delicious, but it increases the body’s immune response to viruses like COVID-19, according to the Buddy Center for Scientific Research. (This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA.)

Do the right thing, humans. Share your food!

Your friend,
Buddy the Cat

Look at da yums — “Look at it. So juicy and delicious…”

MeowTalk: Little Buddy’s Rage!

More fun with MeowTalk!

The MeowTalk experiment continues!

Here’s a log of translations from last night:

“I’m angry! … It’s on now, bring it! … I am going to fight!”

Thankfully I believe my readers know me well enough at this point to be certain of the truth, which is that I dote on my cat, give him loads of attention when he wants it, leave him alone when he doesn’t, and generally do my best to consider his feelings.

Out of context, though, that screen looks like we were brawling. MeowTalk deserves credit: The app knew Bud was upset. But our “argument” was one we’ve been having nightly the last week or two: An ongoing disagreement over Buddy climbing up to the one of the few places he’s not allowed, for fear of toppling over a 55″ flatscreen.

He’s a swiper (as in one of those cats who swipes everything off of flat surfaces) and he has a long and demonstrable history of destroying items large and small by swiping, knocking or pulling them onto the floor. In fact, you can often tell where he’s been just by looking at all the stuff he’s knocked over.

“Bud, you were on the table again, weren’t you?”

“Nope. I swear!”

“So how did a salt shaker, yesterday’s mail and a pair of keys end up on the floor.”

“Uh, poltergeists?”

Maybe I should call him Newton after his obsession with gravity experiments:

“Professor Budsaac Newton here.

Gravity experiment #4,256: In my 4,255 previous experiments, an item swiped from this table fell immediately to the floor.

Conclusion: More data needed.
Test objects: An iPhone SE and a Google Pixel 4a.
Method: Standard swiping motion.

And we’re going to begin in 3…2…

** Sound of two smartphones smacking the hardwood floor. **

As expected, both devices immediately fell to the floor. We’re going to take a break now until a human places them back on the table. I’d like to repeat my experiment and see the gravitational forces in action from a different angle.”

Otherwise he can go where he wants, lounge where he wants, play wand games with me, watch Outside TV from his perch, play with his toys, nudge me for a snack, smack some bottle caps around. He’s got options.

But since he can’t claim the spot right next to the new 55″ TV, now he has to have it.

Happy Buddentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day from Bud!

Happy Valentine’s Day from Buddy!

We would like to take this opportunity to remind female cats to please stop sending your harnesses, clippings of your fur, lipstick paw print cards and selfies of your tails to Buddy.

Buddytine's Day — “I’m too sexy for my fur, too sexy for my fur, so sexy I purr!”

OK Seriously, What’s With All The Turkey?

Why is Buddy so obsessed with turkey?

You may have noticed that turkey is a frequent topic of conversation on this blog, and since we’ve had new readers join us it’s a good time to explain just what the hell is going on with my cat’s fowl obsession.

It’s simple: Buddy really loves turkey.

I first noticed it when he was about 10 weeks old. Like most cats he enjoys all kinds of food, but when I fed him turkey one day, he scarfed every last bit of it down, licking his bowl clean.

When he was finished he looked like the happiest kitten in the world, sitting there licking his lips enthusiastically, sopping up every stray morsel before letting loose a tiny, satisfied belch.

Buddy Drooling At Turkey — “The turkey!”

Before adopting Bud, I’d read enough cautionary stories about finicky cats who’ll only eat a certain kind of meat, in only one texture, from a particular cat food company.

Not only does food become perfunctory for those cats, but if the cat food company discontinues the product, both cat and owner are in for frustration that could stretch for weeks of trial and error. Finding an acceptable alternative is usually an expensive, wasteful process as kitty repeatedly turns his or her nose up at substitutes.

Heeding the cautionary advice of those devoted cat servants, I fed as much variety as was possible from the very beginning. Bud eats salmon, chicken, beef, tuna, shrimp and duck, among other varieties when available.

He genuinely enjoys his meals thanks to the variety, and I’d recommend the same strategy for anyone else bringing a new kitten home. Get ’em started early and you won’t have a picky cat.

But for Bud, nothing compares to turkey. No other food prompts such meows of pure joy, or the urgency with which he leads me to his dining nook when he knows his bowl is filled with yummy turkey goodness, frequently looking over his shoulder to make sure I’m just a step behind him with his beloved turkey.

It’s been that way since he was a baby, and in more than six years it hasn’t changed.

So for Buddy, life’s finest things are turkey, catnip, napping, napping on top of his Big Buddy, and turkey.