Buddy the Cat – Page 78 – Pain In The Bud

Dear Buddy: Why Do You Sound Like Elmo Singing In Falsetto?

Listen to a recording of Buddy’s meows as he proves to a doubter that he sounds exactly like a roaring tiger!

Dear Buddy,

Why do you sound like Elmo singing in falsetto?

Laughing in Laramie

Dear Laughing,

Who is Elmo and what is falsetto? If Elmo sounds like me, he must be mighty and have the roar of a tiger!

Buddy

Buddy,

You’ve never heard of Elmo? Here, have a listen:

Laughing in Laramie

Dear Laughing,

Haha, very funny. I don’t sound anything like Elmo. This is what I sound like: (Editor’s note: This is an actual recording of Buddy, with Big Buddy interjecting with his imitation meows. Although the sound of Buddy’s roar is undoubtedly intimidating, try to remain calm. He is friendly.)

Buddy the Cat · Tiger Roaring!

Buddy

Dear Buddy,

Was that you or another recording of Elmo? I couldn’t tell. Well if your career as a supposedly fearsome cat doesn’t work, you can always get work as an Elmo impersonator!

LOL

Dear Buddy,

He’s wrong, you don’t sound like Elmo…you sound like Elmeow! Ahahaha!

Giggling in Galicia

It’s difficult to believe such a mighty roar can come from such a cute little guy, isn’t it?

Dear Buddy: Did You Hear About The Dating Site For Cat People?

Buddy goes to incredible lengths to ensure he won’t have to share his home or his yums with another cat.

Dear Buddy,

Have you heard about the new dating site for humans who love cats? It’s called Tabby and launched this month. I hope my human finds a match with lots of kitties I can make friends with. I’ve always wanted siblings!

What about you? Are you excited? Maybe Big Buddy will match up with a nice woman who has lots of friendly cats!

Good luck!

Friendly in Fairview

Dear Friendly,

FAKE NEWS.

Buddy

Dear Buddy,

No, it’s true! The site is real! Aren’t you excited?

Friendly

Dear Friendly,

FAKE NEWS! There is no such dating site. Don’t go giving my human any ideas. He can date women WITHOUT cats. If he meets a human female with her own cats and they get married, that would mean I would have to share my territory — MY KINGDOM — with other cats.

That’s unacceptable.

Buddy

Dear Buddy,

Oh, come on, don’t be such a curmudgeon! I bet you’d be an awesome cat sibling. You’d have feline friends to play and snuggle with. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Friendly

Dear Friendly,

No, it would not be awesome. There is only one king, and that’s me. Buddy the King. I don’t share litter boxes, I don’t share sleeping spots and I sure as hell don’t share yums!

I trust you will keep news of this “dating site” a secret, or I will be forced to murder you.

Buddy

Dear Buddy,

I’m afraid you’ll have to murder a lot of people, because the word’s out and the site has already gotten lots of press. In fact, Big Buddy may have a profile there already. Haha!

Friendly

Dear Friendly,

I checked. Big Buddy does not have a profile on this Tabby site you speak of. However, one can never be too careful, which is why I’ve taken it upon myself to create a profile for him and make sure no woman on this Earth will ever contact him or agree to a coffee date.

Name: Big Buddy

Likes: Star Trek, speaking Klingon, learning to speak Cardassian, long walks on the Holodeck, deep conversations about astrometrics and the Bajoran-Dominion conflict during candlelight dinners while drinking Chateau Picard, running diagnostic tests on plasma induction manifolds.

My perfect match: A woman who loves Star Trek as much as I do and has always dreamed of a Star Trek-themed wedding. We will get married on a replica of the USS Enterprise 1701-D bridge and honeymoon on the pleasure planet Risa.

What I look for in a woman: Fluent in Klingon, knowledgeable about subspace harmonics, Tachyon field theory and passionate about LCARS submenu design. Must be able to properly mix drinks with synthahol, but also enjoys Romulan ale on occasion.

What women will appreciate about me: I’m skilled in the art of Pon Farr, have been practicing Ambojitsu for 15 years and I’m in the process of remodeling the interior of my home to look like the crew deck of the USS Enterprise.

What do you think? Are there enough Star Trek references to ensure women on this app will be horrified and immediately swipe left? One can never be too careful. If there’s even a chance that a woman will respond, I must make the profile even more unpalatable. What else can I add? What if I say he’s a Bronie who loves Jersey Shore, or an otaku who has a waifu body pillow? Help me out here, my comfort depends on it!

Buddy

Humans Are Coming 4 Our Catnip & Temptations!!!

A new study suggests cat drugs may help humans overcome COVID-19.

Return-Path: <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>
X-SpamCatcher-Score: 1 [X]
Received: from [127.0.0.1] (HQ)
    by buddy.edu (BuddyMail Pro SMTP 4.1.8)

Message-ID: <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 2020 11:40:36 -0400
From: Buddy <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>



HERE IS THE LINK FOR PROOFS: https://www.foxnews.com/health/cat-drugs-fight-coronavirus-humans-study

Don't let the humans take our nip and our temps!

Thundercats Reboot Delayed As Star Buddy Feuds With Producers

Buddy the Cat is demanding to play the heroic Lion-O instead of Snarf, the comedic relief of the show.

LOS ANGELES — The new reboot of beloved 80s cartoon Thundercats was thrown into limbo on Monday after one of its stars, Buddy the Cat, accused studio executives of lying to him about his role.

Thundercats follows a group of “catlike humanoid aliens” who flee their dying home world, Thundera, to settle on a new planet called Third Earth. Led by the heroic Lion-O, the Thundercats encounter a dire threat on their new world — a powerful sorcerer named Mumm-Ra who commands the magic of the Ancient Spirits of Evil.

Buddy the Cat inked the deal believing he was to star as the gallant, brave and muscular hero Lion-O, his agents said. but studio executives said they’d always planned for Buddy to play the doughy and cowardly Snarf, who often serves as comic relief.

“Buddy is a leading man, er, cat,” his principle agent, Ari Gold, said. “When the producers said they loved him for the role, Buddy had no reason to believe they envisioned him as anyone other than Lion-O.”

But the studio and production team had always intended for the gray tabby cat to play Snarf, showrunner Trey Parker said.

“Buddy is the quintessential Snarf: An amusing little butterball whose silly antics bring a touch of humor to the show,” Parker said. “We needed someone believably heroic go play Lion-O, someone who is powerful and ripped. That’s why we went with Maru, the famous Youtube cat.”

maru — *Producers chose Maru for the role of the heroic Lion-O.*

Fan reaction was swift and condemnatory.

“How dare you cast anyone other than Buddy to play Lion-O, or suggest he’s not muscular and ripped enough for the role,” one angry fan said in a voicemail. “I’m totally ripp…I mean, Buddy is totally ripped! He IS Lion-O.”

Production on the new series remained stalled, with Buddy refusing to exit his trailer until the casting kerfuffle has been resolved.

“Buddy has indicated he’d compromise,” Gold said. “He’s willing to play the role of Tygra, if the producers are willing to show flexibility by making Tygra the leader of the Thundercats. The box is in their court.”

Buddy’s PSA: Dudes, You Can Adopt Cats Too!

Buddy’s PSA informs men that cats are very manly companions and aren’t just for women.

Big Buddy: [The Human] Somehow people got this ridiculous idea that cats are exclusively pets for women…

Little Buddy: [The Cat] …which is absurd because we’re basically small tigers. I mean, look at me. Who wouldn’t run in terror if they found themselves on the wrong side of these claws?

Big Buddy: We’re here to dispel the idea that cats are for women, and tell you that caring for a cat is a manly thing to do.

Little Buddy: That’s right! Extremely manly.

Big Buddy: We do manly stuff around here.

Little Buddy: That’s right! We watch football, we drive around in a rugged pick-up truck and we grunt a lot.

Big Buddy: We don’t actually do any of those things.

Little Buddy: But we would, if we cared about football and trucks.

Big Buddy: We’re into other manly stuff, like baseball, basketball, huge starship battles and fight club. We funkatize entire galaxies, facilitate the spread of interstellar funk and blast funky bass lines from black holes.

Little Buddy: We don’t talk about fight club.

Big Buddy: And besides, the most badass canine is a wolf…

Little Buddy: …but the most badass feline is a tiger!

Big Buddy: That’s not even a contest. A tiger is clearly more badass than a wolf.

Little Buddy: Significantly more badass! A veritable fount of badassery. More badass by several orders of magnitude.

Big Buddy: I think they get it, little dude.

Little Buddy: I was just making sure.

Big Buddy: So if you’re a dude thinking about adopting a cat, don’t let dumbasses tell you cats are “feminine” pets…

Little Buddy: …cause then you’d be missing out on having your very own little tiger buddy. RAWR!!!

Big Buddy: Maybe we could do without the roar. You sound like Elmo singing in falsetto.

Little Buddy: I do not! I sound like a terrifying jungle cat.

Big Buddy: Okay, Elmo.