A new study suggests cat drugs may help humans overcome COVID-19.
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Date: Fri, 28 Aug 2020 11:40:36 -0400
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HERE IS THE LINK FOR PROOFS: https://www.foxnews.com/health/cat-drugs-fight-coronavirus-humans-study
Don't let the humans take our nip and our temps!
Cats weren’t enthusiastic about hockey until they learned of the existence of the penalty box.
NEW YORK — History’s first all-feline hockey team got off to an ignominious start Tuesday when it was forced to forfeit its first game due to the entire team ending up in the penalty box.
The unfortunate sequence of events began in the first period when Duster Hoggins, captain of the Ice Cats, earned a whistle from the referees for trying to bite one of the opposing team’s forwards.
The members of the Ice Cats’ bench — who had been napping or quietly looking on with detached disinterest — suddenly perked up as the referees announced the penalty.
“Did he say penalty box?” rookie backup defenseman Mittens asked his teammates.
After the referees escorted Duster to the penalty box, mayhem broke loose: The formerly calm felines began a relentless assault on the opposing team by scratching, biting and even throwing themselves at the other team’s players.
A great cheer erupted from the Ice Cats’ bench when Little Panther, their center, was whistled for ignoring the puck and making a beeline for the opposing goaltender, whom he repeatedly struck with his stick.
“Penalty box! Penalty box!” the cats chanted, banging their sticks on the ground as they encouraged their teammates.
A broadly grinning Little Panther high-foured Duster and the two other cats who were already inside when he was escorted to the penalty box.
“Stop it, you idiots!” Ice Cats Coach John Tortorella screamed.
The feline teammates briefly paused, looking at each other for a moment before resuming their cheer: “Penalty box! Penalty box!”
The game was called just 4:52 into the first quarter after the penalty box was crowded with players and the Ice Cats could no longer field a team.
“This is a great sport!” Duster told reporters after the game. “If we’d known the goal was to reach the penalty box, we would have taken to hockey with much more zeal.”
“The goal isn’t to reach the penalty box, you morons!” a visibly angry Tortorella said, cutting into the interview. “We lost today because of your stupidity.”
The Ice Cats are scheduled to take on the New York Islanders on Thursday at the Barclays Center, where Duster vowed his squad would “dominate the penalty box like no other team in history.”
Buddy the Cat is demanding to play the heroic Lion-O instead of Snarf, the comedic relief of the show.
LOS ANGELES — The new reboot of beloved 80s cartoon Thundercats was thrown into limbo on Monday after one of its stars, Buddy the Cat, accused studio executives of lying to him about his role.
Thundercats follows a group of “catlike humanoid aliens” who flee their dying home world, Thundera, to settle on a new planet called Third Earth. Led by the heroic Lion-O, the Thundercats encounter a dire threat on their new world — a powerful sorcerer named Mumm-Ra who commands the magic of the Ancient Spirits of Evil.
Buddy the Cat inked the deal believing he was to star as the gallant, brave and muscular hero Lion-O, his agents said. but studio executives said they’d always planned for Buddy to play the doughy and cowardly Snarf, who often serves as comic relief.
“Buddy is a leading man, er, cat,” his principle agent, Ari Gold, said. “When the producers said they loved him for the role, Buddy had no reason to believe they envisioned him as anyone other than Lion-O.”
But the studio and production team had always intended for the gray tabby cat to play Snarf, showrunner Trey Parker said.
“Buddy is the quintessential Snarf: An amusing little butterball whose silly antics bring a touch of humor to the show,” Parker said. “We needed someone believably heroic go play Lion-O, someone who is powerful and ripped. That’s why we went with Maru, the famous Youtube cat.”
Producers chose Maru for the role of the heroic Lion-O.
Fan reaction was swift and condemnatory.
“How dare you cast anyone other than Buddy to play Lion-O, or suggest he’s not muscular and ripped enough for the role,” one angry fan said in a voicemail. “I’m totally ripp…I mean, Buddy is totally ripped! He IS Lion-O.”
Production on the new series remained stalled, with Buddy refusing to exit his trailer until the casting kerfuffle has been resolved.
“Buddy has indicated he’d compromise,” Gold said. “He’s willing to play the role of Tygra, if the producers are willing to show flexibility by making Tygra the leader of the Thundercats. The box is in their court.”
WASHINGTON — Looking to solve what he called “a major military crisis,” President Buddy addressed the nation on Friday night and begged young cats to consider the Navy and the Marines.
While the Army and Chair Force remained well-staffed and trained, the infamous feline aversion to water has made it all but impossible to recruit new sailors and marines, the president of the Americats said.
“We have, like, six guys in the Marines and one or two old mousers living in ships in dry dock,” Buddy said at a news conference. “That leaves us without naval power at a time when the Siamese threaten us at every turn and the Persians continue to pursue mewcular technology.”
Slick new advertisements created by a New York ad agency are designed to catch the interest of younger demographics and spark interest in naval careers.
“WATER: IT’S NOT SO BAD!” declares the first ad campaign, while “MARINES: YOU GET COOL GUNS!” is the tagline for the second campaign, which will be rolled out nationally with commercials and print/online advertisements.
The Purrtagon approved the recruiting ads after their allies in the United Katdom saw a significant uptick in enlistments and commissions following a similar campaign.
The Americat military was inspired by a series of patriotic recruiting posters designed by the United Katdom, which helped drive recruitment up more than 130 percent.
At the Marine Corps Recruit Depot at South Carolina’s Parris Island, jaguar drill sergeants were helping reticent cats overcome their fear of water.
“Get in there, you whiny little kittens, or I’ll throw you in myself!” barked Sgt. Junglestalker.
“What we’re doing is retraining our recruits so they don’t hesitate to jump into the water, whether it’s a calm lake or a roiling sea,” Junglestalker told reporters. “We do that with compassion, by recognizing the fear our recruits have, calling them scared little wimps, and ultimately tossing them into the pool if they refuse to jump.”
Asked how boot camp instructors handle cats who can’t swim, Junglestalker said: “They learn pretty quickly when you throw them in.”
Officials hope the new recruitment efforts will yield results before the brand new Turkey-class cruiser, the USS Delicious, is formally commissioned. Featuring .50-caliber hairball guns, a quick-launch claw grappler and cucumber missile launchers, the formidable new vessel needs a crew before it can deploy.
Purrtagon brass are also considering commissioning M4 Schroedinger tanks for the Marines. The box-shaped tanks have been very popular with cats in the Army, and feature a “play dead” mode, so enemies cannot be sure if tank crews remain alive inside until they open the hatch.
A female reader tries to get Buddy to understand he’s guilty of mansplaining.
Dear Buddy,
I don’t know if you realize this, but you have a bad habit of mansplaining things, both to females of your species as well as human women. You don’t want to be sexist, do you?
Resist the urge to explain things to women, Buddy. We’re not stupid.
Purrsia the Persian
Dear Purrsia,
What are you talking about? Mansplaining? Is that even a real word?
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
Yes it’s a real word! Mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman, even when she already knows the information. It’s also when men act like things only make sense when explained by other men. It’s quite rude, you know.
Purrsia
Dear Purrsia,
Sorry, but that doesn’t make any sense to me. I think you’re making this whole thing up.
Buddy
“So as I was sayin’…”
Dear Buddy,
I am not making it up! Mansplaining is a real thing, and you do it all the time! I’m trying to explain it to you and you’re not listening! Typical male. Don’t think we don’t see your problematic behavior.
Purrsia
Dear Purrsia,
Whatever.
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
You’ll have to forgive Purrsia, who seems a bit confused. Mansplaining is like dragons and hobbits: It doesn’t really exist. Anyway, the definition of this fake phenomenon is when a man explains something to a woman, even when she already knows the information. It’s also when men act like things only make sense when they’re explained by other men. Supposedly it’s rude.
Hope that clears things up.
Maximus Catimus Meridius, Commander of the Furry Legion, Ultimate Badass
Dear Maximus,
Of course! When you put it in a way that actually makes sense, it really isn’t a difficult concept. Thank you for illuminating me, good sir!
Buddy
“Blah, blah, blah..Let me tell you how it REALLY works!”
HERE IS THE LINK FOR PROOFS: https://www.foxnews.com/health/cat-drugs-fight-coronavirus-humans-study
Don't let the humans take our nip and our temps!
Pain In The Bud 