cat stories – Page 55 – Pain In The Bud

Plankton The Cat Has A Home After 2,432 Days In The Shelter

At long last, a deserving cat finally has a home and humans to love him.

We’d like to offer a special congratulations to the SPCA, two kind-hearted adopters, and especially Plankton the cat for finding a forever home after a long, long wait.

Plankton had a rough start to life: He was one of about 100 kittens and cats rescued from a hoarding situation in a two-bedroom apartment in late 2013 and suffered renal failure. For years, potential pet parents passed up on the handsome black-coated little dude because of his condition, and the thrice-weekly infusion of liquids he needs to stay healthy, even though staff at the shelter say he takes the infusions like a champ.

Ashlee Haughtaling read about Plankton in a Feb. 15 article by the Kingston Daily Freeman, a New York newspaper covering the mostly-rural Ulster County about 75 miles north of New York City.

Haughtaling had a dog who suffered from kidney problems as well, so she knew what caring for Plankton would entail. She reached out to the county SPCA immediately.

“I thought it was so sad that no one was adopting him because he had a medical condition,” she said, per the SPCA. “The fact that he had been there for so long, it really hit home for me. Sick cats need homes, too.”

Ashleey and her mother Ann Houghtaling took Plankton home six days later. For the first time, the 6 1/2-year-old cat has a place to call home. He gets along well with other cats, the shelter said, and he’s got a pair of new feline friends, Nutmeg and Boots, in his new home as well.

planktonspca — Ann and Ashlee Houghtaling comfort Plankton, the newest member of their family, before bringing him home from a shelter where he’d been staying for 6 1/2 years. Credit: Ulster County SPCA

Plankton the Cat — Plankton suffers from kidney problems and must have fluid injections three times a week. Credit: SPCA

Cat Sees Himself In Two Mirrors, Has Existential Crisis

“I saw his reflection in the magnifying mirror and I started laughing hysterically,” Roscoe’s owner said.

Meet Roscoe.

The year-old tabby and his human are enjoying viral fame after the latter snapped this shot of Roscoe catching his reflection in two mirrors at the same time, prompting a hilarious look of shock:

catmirror — Roscoe catches his reflection in two mirrors. Credit: Katie B.

Roscoe’s human, Katie B, explained how she got the shot.

“I was just going about my business when I looked down and saw his reflection in the magnifying mirror and I started laughing hysterically,” said the 24-year-old PhD student, who lives in Chicago. “It was hilarious, and thankfully I was holding my phone. So I quickly took a picture and sent it to my friends on Snapchat.”

Roscoe’s bewildered look has reignited the debate about feline self-awareness, a topic that still hasn’t been settled by science. It’s a subject we’ve explored here on Pain In The Bud, detailing Buddy’s “long and tumultuous history with mirrors” and his reactions to seeing himself — and me — reflected back at him.

Katie calls Roscoe “a funny little dude” and her “furry best friend.” She’s started an Instagram account for Roscoe where she documents the little guy’s antics for his followers.

“It’s been really fun seeing how much people love it and all the memes and drawings people have done of Roscoe,” Katie told Buzzfeed. “He has brought so much joy into my life, and I’m glad he’s bringing joy to others too!”

catroscoeandkatie — Roscoe and his human servant, Katie B. Credit: Katie B

catroscoeclose — Photos of Roscoe capture the little guy’s amusing personality. Credit: Katie B

Indictment: Buddy the Cat, Catnip Cartel Boss

The authorities are closing in on Buddy and his catnip empire!

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK

Manhattan Division

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA v. Buddy the Cat, defendant

February 2020

INDICTMENT

THE GRAND JURY CHARGES THAT:

COUNT ONE

19 USC § 741D (Unauthorized Distribution of Schedule I Catnip)

The defendant and other relevant persons

1. Between or on about April 22, 2014 and January 1, 2020, defendant BUDDY THE CAT (“Buddy”) operated a vast interstate operation dedicated to the cultivation, packaging, distribution and sale of Nepeta Cataria, commonly known as CATNIP, and by the street names “The Nip,” “Feline Piff,” and “Meowijuana,” as well as Actinidia polygama, commonly known as SILVER VINE.

2. While overseeing his criminal organization, defendant Buddy the Cat headquartered his operation out of a New York apartment, entrusting his lieutenants Nipsy Rock, Socks the Evil Killah, Chairman Meow and Pawblo Escobar with the sale and wholesale distribution of catnip and silver vine, both Schedule I nipcotics according to the United States Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA).

3. During his tenure as the east coast’s primary “Niplord,” Buddy the Cat did engage in a ruthless campaign of violence and intimidation in order to claim territory (“corners,” “stoops” and “blocks”) for himself and his criminal organization.

COUNT TWO

23 USD § 892b (Criminal Endangerment of a Kitten)

4. Buddy the Cat, aided by his capitans, lieutenants and soldiers, did participate in the recruitment of kittens younger than six months of age for the purpose of serving as runners for “The Nip” and as lookouts to provide advance warning of the presence of law enforcement. The young kittens were recruited with promises of a glamorous lifestyle, compensation in the form of Temptations treats, and “street credibility.”

COUNT THREE

USD 113a § 046 (Feliny catslaughter in the first degree)

5. Buddy the Cat and his aforementioned lieutenants participated in the ruthless and diabolical elimination of rivals and potential “snitches,” among them Fat Tony Catsonova, consigliere of the Il Nipolino catnip cartel, Felix “Heisenpaw” White, chief chemist for the Los Angeles-based Los Gatos criminal gang, and “Meowvelous” Mikey Mike, a show cat who moonlighted as a dealer specializing in high-grade silver vine.

COUNT FOUR

USD 562a § 215 (Conspiracy to transport catnip across state lines)

6. On or about Oct 12, 2016, defendant Buddy the Cat and Nipsy Rock were observed by a federal agent discussing the shipment of 4,000 lbs of premium Meowijuana, with a street value of approximately $200,000 USD, from a grow warehouse in California to the operation’s Nip Distribution Center in Newark, NJ. In addition, defendants Chairman Meow and Pico de Gato were overheard planning the ambush and robbery of a silver vine shipment intended for a Los Gatos stash house in Houston, Texas.

The Substantive Violation

Defendant Buddy the Cat did willfully participate in the manufacture, distribution and sale of Schedule I nipcotics, the termination of rival Niplords, a protracted series of turf wars and a permanent campaign of disruption and terror aimed at his rivals in the illegal catnip trade.

Have you seen Buddy the Cat? Federal authorities have announced a $10,000 reward for information leading to the successful capture and conviction of the notorious niplord.

Reason #127 To Keep Your Cats Indoors: Bad Guys

Neither the law nor other people will respect the bond you share with your cat.

“Hey! Sorry for stealing your cat. I felt really guilty about it, so I abandoned him by the side of the road in another town. Totes a bad impulse decision lol! I never meant to be the bad guy! I hope you can forgive me, but don’t worry, if you don’t I forgive you! Buh-bye!”

That about sums up the bizarre letter a Minnesota woman received on Dec. 11, three months after her cat, Dot, went missing.

She last saw Dot on Oct. 10, when Byron Thomas Vieau delivered a package to her home in Watertown, 20 miles west of Minneapolis. Vieau was visibly taken with Dot, the cat’s owner would later tell police, and bent down to pet the 12-year-old tabby as he delivered the package.

Security footage shows Vieau encountering Dot on his way over, and it’s clear the cat follows Vieau, but the 23-year-old Minnesota man likely nabbed Dot on the driver’s side while walking back to his truck because we don’t get an angle on the theft itself:

Vieau completed his delivery, and Dot was never seen again. Dot’s worried owner called the cops, who questioned Vieau, but he denied knowing anything about the missing moggie.

“Byron lied to me (twice) immediately after Dot was stolen, he lied to police the next day, I feel he is still lying about what he did to Dot,” Dot’s owner wrote in a Facebook post. “In my world this is such an unnecessary tragedy and I wish this upon nobody!”

Then in mid-December, Dot’s owner received this batshit-crazy letter from Vieau:

The letter reads:

Dear Heidi,

My name is Byron and I unfortunately made a poor judgment decision to take your cat. I cannot stress enough how sorry I am, I am a HUGE animal lover and I only wanted to have a pet of my own. It wasn’t meant to hurt anyone. I am so embaressed [sic]. I did make a bad impulse choice right outside of Watertown to let the cat go, I started feeling awful and quickly shoved the cat out of my car. I do not know where it went after that. This isn’t the story I gave you the first time, I felt so bad and I didn’t want to own up to things. I just wanted to take it home with me, but I quickly changed my mind. I never hurt it and I never meant to cause this much pain. I should have owned up sooner. I can only hope they can find it where I dropped it off. Again, I never meant to be a bad guy, I just wanted to give it a home. I’m so sorry for doing what I did. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me, I totally understand.

Byron Vieau
Dec. 11, 2019

What stands out is the lack of genuine awareness, of any consideration for the victim’s feelings or the welfare of the cat. Everything’s about Byron. Every sentence is “I wanted” and “I didn’t mean to” and “I can only hope.”

Every action is minimized: Byron Vieau didn’t steal the cat, he “made a poor judgment decision.” He’s a HUGE animal lover, and all he wanted was a pet of his own! Byron didn’t heartlessly shove a house cat — who doesn’t have the skills to survive as a stray — out of his car and abandon it on the roadside, he simply “made a bad impulse choice to let the cat go.”

Vieau tells us he was “embaressed,” he “didn’t want to hurt anyone,” and “never meant to be a bad guy.” He doesn’t mention how Heidi pleaded for the return of her beloved cat, or her anguished posts on Facebook as she asked for help looking for the “clearly well-loved” tabby.

He’s looking for forgiveness and absolution from his victim without troubling himself with considering her feelings, because he wants to feel better about what he did.

Police have arrested Vieau and charged him with misdemeanor theft and misdemeanor animal abandonment, which carry extremely light penalties. Under Minnesota law, Dot’s theft is a minor property crime of the same severity as the theft of say, a toaster, but not as severe as a shiny new flatscreen TV.

In the meantime, Dot is still MIA. Dot is primarily white and black, with traditional tabby markings on his head, and he weighed about 14 pounds at the time he was taken, according to police.

Any readers in the Carver County or Watertown area of Minnesota can call Detective Neil Kuhnau of the Carver County Sheriff’s Office at 952-361-1212 if they’ve spotted the missing moggie.

We hope Heidi and Dot are happily reunited.

Cat Destroys 2,400-Piece Model, Uses Power of Cuteness To Evade Consequences

The feline wrecking ball destroyed a model his human had spent a week building.

Toys are big business in the world of online auctions, and a guy in Thailand builds complex toy models as his side hustle, selling the completed items to collectors who don’t have the time to construct the models themselves.

It took Phumai Phornthong a week to assemble the 2,432-piece model of Doraemon, a robotic, time-traveling cat popularized by a Japanese manga series. He had a buyer all lined up and was ready to ship the cartoon kitty model when his own cat intervened.

Phornthong’s orange tabby did what cats do best and barreled into the completed model like a wrecking ball, shattering it into hundreds of pieces.

Here’s the model before kitty destroyed it:

cutecatdestroyer4 — The completed Doraemon model, before it was destroyed in a whirlwind of feline energy. Credit: Phornthong/Facebook

And here’s the aftermath:

cutecatdestroyer2 — No guilt, no remorse. He’s a killing machine! Credit: Phornthong/Facebook

Just look at that adorable cat: There’s not even the slightest trace of guilt on his little face.

“Damn cat!” Phornthong wrote. “I spent a week making this. The customer wants it before the new year.”

Then he added an ominous threat: “I will kill you!”

Thankfully, no actual felines were hurt during this incident. The unnamed tabby used his Powers of Cuteness to diffuse his human’s anger, and all was right with the world. Except, of course, the broken model. We imagine kitty will be quarantined from the build area in the future.

We here at Pain In The Bud sympathize with Mr. Phornthong. It was just two Christmases ago when I opened by bedroom door to find my beautiful, beloved Les Paul on the floor in two pieces, with the neck snapped at the halfway point. Buddy’s own considerable powers of cuteness saved him from certain death, or at least a punishment of no Temptations for a year.