Reminder: I’m Still Devastatingly Handsome
Photos of Buddy provide a visual feast for his thousands of admirers.
Category: Buddy
Buddy’s Mailbag: Oh Sh#t!!!
For the first time ever, Buddy is at a loss for words.
Little Runt Who Talk Too Much,
Me hear fat little tabby cat claiming he is strongest cat in world. Me crush fat little tabby cat! He is perfect size for breakfast sandwich! I put him between slices of bread and mayonnaise. Muahaha!
Name place and time, we see who is strongest cat. Hint: It is me.
– Murderclaw the Disemboweler
Buddy’s Mailbag: What Do You Think About Cloning Cats?
Could there ever be more than one Buddy? What an absurd question.
Dear Buddy,
I came across this article about a cloned kitten who looks a lot like you did as a baby, although not as devastatingly handsome.
What do you think about cloning? Do you want to be cloned?
– Wondering in West Virginia
Dear Wondering,
You’re right, that kitten isn’t nearly as good-looking as I am.
What do I think about cloning? Well, the article says these people in North Carolina paid $25,000 to clone their cat, Cinnabun.
Twenty-five grand is a hefty price tag to clone a cat with such a stupid name. Do you know how much turkey that could buy? Well I don’t either, but I know it’s a lot!
Twenty-five thousand big ones could buy me a huge cat condo, one of those fancy window hammocks, a lifetime’s supply of Meowie Wowie and Purple Passion Meowijuana, plus all the toys I want!
But I don’t need that stuff. Although he has many faults, Big Buddy does a fine job of anticipating my desires and always serves my meals precisely on schedule. My bowl runneth over with turkey and salmon. The guys at the shelter, though, they could use it!
Speaking of shelters, you know who’s not getting a real home because these people decided to “create” Cinnabun 2.0? Some poor shelter cat who’s been in a cage for two years. (To their credit, the Bullerdick family, Cinnabun 2.0’s servants, say they donate to the Humane Society.)
The people who had Cinnabun cloned say they were inspired by Barbra Streisand, who cloned her dog for $50,000. What do you have against shelter pets, Barbra Streisand? Hmmm?
And no, I don’t want to be cloned! There’s only one Little Buddy! If Big Buddy clones me, I’ll come back to bite him and poop in his shoes!
– Buddy
My Servant Has Returned!
Buddy’s servant has returned to do his bidding!
Buddy gave me the cold shoulder after I returned from Japan and it lasted all of 30 seconds before he couldn’t contain himself and began rubbing up against me to mark me with his scent.
Cats have scent glands all over their body, including their cheeks and foreheads, and scent is one way they establish familiarity and “ownership.” They’re comforted by the presence of their own pheromones, which is why products like Feliway — an artificial cat pheromone in a spray bottle — can help anxious cats chill out.
When a cat rubs up against a human or another cat, they’re essentially saying “These are my people!”
Or in Buddyspeak: “This guy is my servant! My servant has returned!”
Upon my return from an extended absence Buddy will not let me out of sight and will cry loudly and incessantly if I so much as use the bathroom without allowing him in, as is tradition. And this time around he puked when I returned, as is tradition.
I suspect it’s his way of processing relief, similar to the way some animals shake when overcome with anxiety or emotion. I try to remind myself that if it feels like I’ve been away a long time, for Buddy it must feel like a much longer time has elapsed — and there’s no way I can communicate to him that I’ll be back soon, so there’s an additional element of anxiety-provoking uncertainty.
Regardless, the king is happy again. Long live the king! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a plate of turkey pate to serve…
A Royal Edict From King Buddy
King Buddy issues a royal decree forbidding lesser animals, like monkeys and humans, from upstaging him on his own blog.
Dear Big Buddy,
This letter is to serve as notice that I, Little Buddy, forbid you from befowling my blog with images of any other animals, including humans and snow monkeys. (With the exception of turkey, of course.)
The blog is called Buddy: An Awesome and Handsome Cat for a reason. Readers come here to see me! We don’t want to confuse them with photographs of ugly beasts who fling their poop at each other.
Signed,
Buddy the Handsome, First of His Name, Protector of the Apartmental Realm, Sole Sovereign of the Fields of Turkey, Prime Despiser of Vacuum the Infernal Menace
Dear Little Buddy,
No problem, little guy. I won’t befowl your blog with photos of lesser beasts like humans and monkeys. I’ll befoul it! Muahahaha!
– Big Buddy
Pain In The Bud 