I know your advice column is meant for cats, but I thought you’d make an exception for a human who seeks your wise and benevolent guidance, Oh Great Handsome One, for who else is as smart and perceptive as Buddy?
My question is: Should I buy a Licki? You know, one of those silicon rubber “tongues” with spikes that are supposed to mimic a kitty’s bristled tongue. I’d like to bond with my cat, and according to the people who make the Licki, grooming my kitty just like a momma cat is the best way to bond.
What do you think?
– Human In Hawkins, Indiana
Oh hell no!
Big Buddy bought one of those things and creeped up on me all stealth-like when I was taking a nap one day. One second I’m dreaming about bountiful feasts with endless roast turkey, the next I’m waking up to that daft two-legs dragging a rubber tongue back and forth through my fur, looking like an epileptic seal.
I thought I was being attacked by a porcupine dipped in crazy glue! Once I realized what was happening, I gave Big Buddy a hard paw smack and bit his hand for emphasis: Get that weak shit out of my personal space!
So no, don’t buy a Licki. You’ll just waste $25 on a piece of rubber that makes your cats loathe you. Instead, provide massages on-demand and step your treats game up. Now that is something your kitties will appreciate.
– Buddy out
4 thoughts on “Buddy’s Mailbag: Get Your Tongue Off Me!”
I laughed so hard when I saw this I think I farted a little….
That’s okay, farts are hilarious!
Indeed adorable! Especially the expression of the tabby getting ‘bonded’ by its host. My cat loves his grooming brush.
I don’t actually have a Licki, and the anecdote in this post was for comedic purposes because I know Buddy would try to murder me if I tried to use one of those things on him. 🙂
We’re on a 100% “pets when he wants them” policy, which works great.
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