A technoir crime thriller starring Detective Buddy in the fine tradition of Bladerunner and Cyberpunk.
Just a bit of absurd Bud-themed art I cooked up while messing around with Pixlr, some typesetting and filters.
In this technoir crime thriller, Detective Buddy must chase feline replicants across decadent Claw City before they upload a sinister virus that grants self-awareness to vacuum cleaners, transforming them from mere terrifying machines to terrifying machines that can kill a cat!
With time running out and an army of Los Gatos in his way, Bud must deploy every trick he’s learned to save the world from the Dysons, Bissells, Eurekas and Hoovers that would enslave feline kind under the Dust Buster Hegemony…and he must look dapper while doing it.
So we’ve got Bud as a hard-boiled detective in a dystopian science fiction future. What about Bud as the lead singer (meower?) of his very own metal band? The Buddening is at hand, my friends: Feel the power of turkey!
Buddy Noir: The Buddening. Featuring the smash hits “The Darkness Inside the Litter Box” and “The Red Dot of Death.” ON SALE NOW!
Festivus is a holiday celebrated “as an alternative to the pressures and commercialism of the Christmas season.”
The holiday’s traditions include a Festivus pole, which must not be decorated (“I find tinsel distracting,” Festivus creator Frank Costanza explains), a Festivus dinner which typically includes family and friends, an Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength. The Airing of Grievances (Buddy’s favorite part) is an after-dinner tradition in which participants go around the table and tell everyone else how disappointing they’ve been all year, while the Feats of Strength signals the end of the holiday if younger members of the family are able to pin the family patriarch.
Jerry Stiller in 1979
Because 2020 has been such a lousy year, many people likely forgot we lost Jerry Stiller this year. Stiller famously played Frank Costanza on Seinfeld, arguably the most well-known of the many roles the 93-year-old actor took on during his long career.
It may be a small mercy, in a way, since Stiller didn’t have to witness the first socially-distanced Festivus and holiday season as the Coronavirus rages across the US this winter. (Contrary to some clown’s vandalism on Wikipedia, Stiller died of natural causes, not COVID-19.)
In the real world, Festivus was created in 1966 by the writer Daniel O’Keefe. The holiday wasn’t popularly celebrated until 1997 when O’Keefe’s son, then a writer for Seinfeld, included the now-beloved holiday in an episode of the show.
Over the next two-plus decades, Festivus has become a “real” holiday, with many people marking the occasion by getting together with friends.
Buddy receives a commendation for being so awesome during the pandemic.
From the High Office of Really Awesome Cats
Tuesday, Dec. 15, 2020
Let it be known that Buddy the Cat has earned this commendation for going above and beyond the call of duty, for being a Good Boy (mostly) who has played an instrumental role in keeping his human sane during a time of absolute insanity. For helping alleviate loneliness and depressing circumstances, for being his naturally delightful self, and for fidelity to the daily schedule so yums are always dispensed at the right time, we salute the inimitable Buddy.
Buddy the Cat, 6, has been a constant companion to his human, Big Buddy, throughout the SARS-CoV2 pandemic, providing him with companionship and lulz during the dark days of March and April when New York became the epicenter of infection. He has continued his duties, raising morale over the summer, fall and into the current winter.
Buddy the Cat, a true hero.
The dedicated tabby cat has fallen face-first into boxes, misjudged jumps, scared himself with his own shadow and sung the Song of His People at 3 a.m., all in an attempt to bring laughs to the gloom. He has curled up with his human while the latter read books, supervised indoor hobby activities and defeated the Red Dot of Evil.
Also, he’s really good looking, charming and has big muscles!
We recognize Buddy the Cat as a credit to his species and a paragon of feline handsomeness. He is a true buddy and best friend. Now give him snacks!
Some cats don’t tolerate collars, clothes or costumes.
Even indoor cats should wear collars, according to a pair of veterinarians who spoke with PopSugar.
Megan McCorkel, a veterinarian who writes for Better With Cats, said collars can make a difference if the unexpected happens and your cat gets outside:
While it might not seem as necessary to put a collar on an indoor cat as an outdoor cat, accidents can still happen, Dr. McCorkel said. Even indoor-only cats can venture out of the house unexpectedly. However, because indoor-only cats don’t have the street savviness of outdoor felines, they might be in a bit of panic when they first get out, she explained. Luckily, a collar helps people realize that your stressed-out kitty doesn’t belong outside, prompting them to return your lost cat home safely and quickly. “I think of a collar on an indoor cat like an insurance plan,” Dr. McCorkel said. “I hope I don’t need it, but when I do, I’ll be glad it’s there.”
The last time I tried to put a collar on Buddy was six years ago, and he was miserable with it on. At the time I tried the gradual approach, leaving it on him for short spurts and giving him extra treats and praise when he had it on.
Eventually I left it on Bud for the better part of a day. He whined and cried and never forgot it was around his neck.
Finally he managed to contort himself so he could get a hind paw underneath the collar and pull on it with his front paws. He trilled with anticipation, sliding it up his neck toward his ears — then lost his grip, and the collar snapped back like a rubber band.
I will never forget his shriek of unmistakable frustration in that moment. I knew he was miserable, and I took the collar off immediately.
Right now I’m not worried about him getting outside because I live in an apartment building, meaning Bud would have to get through three or four sets of doors, and primarily because he wants nothing to do with the outdoors. As an indoor cat, Buddy gets overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and smells outside, and that’s when he’s on his harness with me as his safety blanket. He enjoys sunbathing on the balcony, but he won’t even step out there unless it’s a perfect 75-degree day.
I’ve made the determination that it’s not worth making him suffer. That could change in the future when my living circumstances are different.
What about your cats? Do they tolerate collars? Do you think they’re necessary?
When Wikipedia didn’t acknowledge Buddy’s accomplishments, the sneaky tabby took things into his own paws.
NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat was temporarily banned from Wikipedia on Tuesday after he was caught editing his own Wiki entry, the site’s moderators confirmed.
The vandalism was spotted over the weekend, when an editor noticed the infamous tabby cat’s entry had been significantly altered. The original entry, moderators said, met Wikipedia’s standards for neutral language and facts attributed to authentic sources:
“Buddy the Cat (born February 2014) is a domestic shorthair house cat best known for a disastrous term as president of the Americats [1], several appearances on Modern Cat magazine’s annual list of the 100 Most Ridiculous Cats [2], and as the leader of an alleged catnip smuggling ring responsible for importing more than 300 tons of catnip and silvervine annually, according to authorities. [3]”
The new version of the Wiki entry was immediately flagged due to its inclusion of unverified and unsourced claims:
“Buddy the Cat (born on the summer solstice of 2014 on the peak of Mount Olympos, Greece, during a meteor shower) is a purebred Buddinese tiger best known for a tremendously successful term as president of the Americats, a triumphant appearance on TIME magazine’s list of the 100 Most Influential Cats, and as an international feline sex symbol whose rugged good looks and muscular physique have earned him the admiration of female cats from New York to Tokyo.
Already an icon and movie action star, Buddy was elected as leader of the free cats in a surge of unprecedented patriotism and enthusiasm in 2016, as his campaign slogan — Make Yums Delicious Again — resonated with cats from coast to coast who were tired of the same old kibble. To date he is the only Americat president who has made turkey and bacon rain down from the sky.”
Moderator u/Librarian28 affixed a warning to the entry before reversing the vandalism and restoring the original content to the Wiki entry.
Edit, 11/22/2020: Entry has been vandalized and does no longer meet Wikipedia standards. Update, 11/24: The vandalism has been reversed and the original content restored.
The fix was short-lived, however, and within a few hours the second entry had been restored, along with a new subsection detailing Buddy’s acting career and his exploits as a covert operative for the Feline Bureau of Investigation (FBI).
Buddy energizes the crowd by stage diving during a performance by his band,
“Early life and education
After earning a degree in litter box etiquette and play time socializing from the University of SPCA’s Kitten Kindergarten Behavior School, Buddy earned his meowster’s degree from the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) school of cat crime and worked ultra-secrete awesome clandestine missions for the bureau. During this time he was known only by the mysterious moniker “Grey Tiger” and was feared by felines the world over.
Buddy subsequently left the bureau to pursue a career as a Hong Kong action star, appearing in films such as The Way of the Claw and Enter the Tabby. In 2017, he earned international fame as Shiva, a tiger companion to the character Ezekiel on The Walking Dead. That summer he earned rave reviews for his performance in Cats, the long-running musical at New York City’s Winter Garden Theatre.”
Soon after the second set of edits to the Wikipedia page, moderators issued a two-week ban for the domestic shorthair cat, who had also been cited for vandalizing the Wiki entry for the Los Gatos and the cartel’s leader, Pawblo Escobar.
Johnny Clawchrane, Buddy’s attorney, denied that his client was behind the online vandalism.
“Ipso facto, my client remains innocent until proven guilty, and under the statutes of e pluribus unum a priori a la carte, he is entitled to an appeal post haste ad mausoleum, quid pro quo per se.”
Pain In The Bud 