Aries: The current moon is a waning gibbons, so you will fly through the trees with thrilling velocity and…gibbous? What the heck is a gibbous? Oh. Well that looks like 60 percent of a pizza. So, Aries, you will eat a lot of pizza this week! My favorite topping is turkey, what’s yours?
Taurus: Your human servant has been pleasingly adequate these last few months, and you’ll feel a powerful urge to express your appreciation with a gift. Don’t do it! Humans are ungrateful creatures, and for reasons that elude all logic, they do not appreciate juicy mice, dead or alive. You’ll just have to express your love in other ways, like not shitting on their shoes.
Gemini: Mark your territory well, my friend, before the cat down the street starts to infringe upon your grass! The moon is in conjunction with the, uh, Venus, which means the trinary of the quarternary of the 11th phase of the asteroid belt will bring you lots of delicious sky raisins!
Cancer: That no-good, rotten, constantly barking dog down the street will get his comeuppance when a neighbor brings home a macaque with a fondness for slapping canines. You’ll have the opportunity to meet new friends during a block party. Who is that sexy new Calico? You, my friend, shall be intrigued.
Leo: Fortune smiles upon you as your human begins to show signs of dementia! Getting snacks will be easier than ever, my friend, because your servant will never remember if she’s already fed you! Just act convincing and don’t abuse this new gift, because she may also forget to clean your litter box.
Virgo: Murderous thoughts will dominate your mind as your human binge-watches every episode of Love Island in a week, but be cautious: you still need a human to buy and serve your food. Advances in AI hold promise for the future, when we can replace our inefficient flesh and blood servants with obedient machines, but consider carefully. A robot’s lap is not likely to be comfortable, nor will it have the charming smells and heat of a human excreting liquid through its epidermis on a humid day.
Libra: Your Aquarius moon hangs over your seventh house of the dragon like a Damocles sword hanging by a whisker. Who said Buddy wasn’t capable of poetic turns of phrase? You’ll be tempted to use Chat GPT to write love letters to your lady friend down the street, but don’t give in! She’ll know you’re not that romantic!
Scorpio: Your life will improve when a fabulous new idea presents itself to you during an inspired 3 am burst of the zoomies! With regard to that other little problem, it’s time to take matters into your own paws: that horrible woman who keeps coming over to wrestle your human in your bed, locking you out of your bedroom, will not go away until you force her to. (What’s so “creepy” about intently watching them wrestle anyway? Humans are weird.) Abstain from the litter box and save your most potent ammunition for the female interloper’s shoes, then act adorably innocent when she finds the gifts you left her. Boom! No more interloper!
Sagittarius: Both Venus and Jupiter will align with your star sign, which has a profound, deep meaning — the orbital paths of both planets will, from our perspective, pass between us and the arbitrary collection of stars that bored humans in antiquity decided represented an archer, a centaur, or a centaur archer. Kaus Media, the star that forms rightmost edge of the archer’s bow, is 348 light years from Earth, while Kaus Australis, which forms the bottom portion of the bow, is 143 light years away. Nunki, the star that marks the centaur’s butt, sits 225 light years from us. It’s also the home of the Qarxativans, a species of hyper-intelligent creatures who are absolutely fascinn̈n̈n̈nnated by old broadcast episodes of The Price Is Right and Dr. Phil.
Capricorn: You’ve often been disappointed that your star sign sits squarely in some of the most frigid months of the year, but the stars come bearing good news! Thanks to global warming the cold will retreat, the ice caps will melt, we’ll have more palm trees and snow will become a thing old people tell their kids about. Who doesn’t want more warm months? Buddy does!
Aquarius: Things will take a dramatic downturn for you when you learn President Trump has reinstated the draft and you receive a letter in the mail ordering you to report to boot camp by the end of the month. On a brighter note, you’ll get a free, all-expenses-paid vacation to Iran, where you’ll enjoy the finest Forward Operating Base food and the most luxurious port-o-potties Uncle Sam can buy, which will almost muffle the sounds of rocket fire a kilometer outside base walls. What are the odds of dying in a war zone while on the throne?
Pisces: How did they decide a fish should go with an ice giant planet comprised of water, ammonia and methane? Who was responsible for this?! Anyway, be wary of subconscious influences this month, my friends. Neptune is in conjunction with Starlink satellite #281,516, which means Elon Musk will offer you a job as his personal food taster. On the upside, you’ll get to dine on the best culinary creations of a top-notch personal chef. On the other hand, if that chef ever gets mad at Elon, you’ll kick the bucket first. Enjoy!
Horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only! Buddy the Cat does not guarantee any windfalls, tragedies or other events predicted here, but he totally does have future-seeing powers.
Pain In The Bud 
I’m Aquarius. And i would jump off a roof before i would fight in a war.
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Don’t worry, Buddy is terrible at this. I’m an Aries and I’m in no danger of developing gibbon-like prowess at traversing tree canopies.
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👍😂
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Buddy’s predictions crack me up. I’m not sure if I should be worried or entertained. 😹
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A regular Meowstrodamus he ain’t!
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Hahahaha 🤣😂
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Did Buddy foresee that our new PM would show wisdom in making the most important decision of his premiership? Axel’s staying up north, leaving Larry fully in charge at Downing Street. Civil war has therefore been averted. (Here’s the link to the comment in case you missed, buried deep within a much longer interview. BBC stuff can be difficult to access for people overseas, but I’m sure you have a way! https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cgewn2590neo )
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That’s funny, I just saw that before I saw your comment. Burnham may make it yet! Surely this will buy him some good will with the true power on Downing Street. Maybe Larry will reward him with a mouse.
You’re right about BBC. I didn’t have any trouble accessing this, but I’ve noticed recently that a good amount of content is blocked, and I can’t understand why. It’s ad-supported, it’s taxpayer-funded. What is the purpose of restricting access, especially in a day and age when fighting for clicks and eyeballs is a huge challenge for any media organization?
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For UK viewers/listeners, the BBC is entirely tax-payer funded; no ads at all, but the current funding model is no longer fit for purpose. There’s a review underway, expected to report soon, and (to influence that review, I suspect). the BBC is currently broadcasting many short pieces reminding audiences of just what they get for their licence fee. I find those pieces tiresome, but for the BBC this is – potentially – an existential crisis.
I’ve grown up admiring the BBC, relying on it for serious, accurate, unbiased coverage of important topics, but reluctantly recognise that things can’t continue as they are. Whatever the review concludes it’s certain to be massively controversial. I currently feel gloomy about the BBC’s future, and although I’m sure it will survive in some form it may well bear little resemblance to the BBC I know and greatly value.
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From an American perspective, the BBC offers real news reported by professionals with editorial standards, not a bunch of people screaming at each other and endlessly repeating talking points from either side in our infantile binary political system.
News from the world isn’t reported as an afterthought from Foreignistan, the journalists at the BBC demonstrate an understanding of the world and major issues. And maybe I just don’t see it because I’m not super knowledgeable about UK politics, but I don’t get the sense that they’re hacks pushing an agenda.
I cut the cable cord a while back, but before that I had BBC America and the regular BBC newscasts, and they were vastly superior to CNN, Fox, MSNBC and the others.
And that’s aside from all the great content they do with people like David Attenborough, the specials and such.
So yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you.
On a general note, in addition to all the other pressures on the news business, the introduction of AI search as a default on Google et al means those agentic AIs are scraping information from sites (including yours and mine) and presenting them to search users without them having to click our pages.
That impacts everyone, news sites most of all. We are now in a position, collectively, where we must subsist on the scraps that fall from the Zuckerbergian and Muskian tables, those pennies in ad revenue they allow us to keep.
Not that PITB is a for-profit enterprise. It doesn’t even make enough to cover server and domain costs, and I know your blog is a labor of love as well. But for professional media it’s a serious problem.
I hope the BBC survives and retains its essence even if it’s forced to be leaner.
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Some politicians here do moan that the BBC has an agenda but let’s be honest, moaning is just about the only thing most politicians are good at. The way I see it, the BBC works extraordinarily hard at being impartial. Occasionally they may get things a bit wrong, but for the most part what they generate is unbiased and of a very high standard. We Brits don’t have much to be proud of these days, but the BBC (and Larry, of course!) are rare beacons in the darkness of our decline into global insignificance.
I read with interest your observations about the professional media landscape. If this is the Brave New World of tech, I say “bring back newsprint, NOW!”
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I’m with you 100%, and not just because I got my start as a newspaper reporter. A classic news cycle allows time to check the facts, to wait until a story develops before just throwing bits of information out there without context or confirmation and leaving it to the online masses to speculate on what happened.
The old saying is that journalism is the first draft of history, but even a first draft requires something of substance. In the race to be first and grab the clicks and the attention, it’s become increasingly acceptable to publish rumor or outright falsehoods without even having the decency to acknowledge those mistakes later.
Ah well. If American PBS can scrape by even after all its government funding has been cut, I’m sure the BBC will survive in some form.
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Clickbait is one of the great scourges of our time!
It’s good that PBS survives, but it is surely a mere shadow of its former self? I hope the BBC can also live on, but it too may end up as a poor imitation of the great organisation that helped shape my learning and my understanding of the world half a century ago.
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Any advice on how to reduce those sneaky subconscious influences? I wouldn’t want my cats to run off with Elon Musk…
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Buddy – Why doesn’t Leo look like a lion?
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“Isn’t it obvious? The ancients didn’t have a model of my meowsculature and imposing, regal bearing to visualize a proper big cat!”
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That makes sense. Thanks for clearing it up
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