You Can’t Neuter Your Ex, But You Can Donate To A Shelter To ‘Fix’ A Stray Named After Him

Or if your sense of humor tends toward the scatological, you can donate to put your ex’s name on a litter box.

Like other nonprofits, animal shelters face steep competition when it comes to scoring charitable donations, so the more a shelter can stand out, the better.

For some that means stories about their rescues and pets-in-waiting going viral. For others, it means finding clever ways to use occasions like Valentine’s Day to raise money.

One of the latest fads involves making a donation to pay for spay/neuter surgery for a street or shelter cat — and having the cat named after your ex. As one shelter puts it, “because some things shouldn’t breed.”

Poor Scram has no idea he’s a stand-in for a despised ex.

If the idea of castrating an ex seems a little morbid to you, you’ve still got options.

For just $5, Albuquerque, New Mexico’s Nine Lives Shelter will write your ex’s name on a litter box.

“Our foster cats and kittens will handle the rest by doing what they do best,” the shelter’s staff wrote on Facebook.

A search turns up similar Valentine’s Day themed fundraisers in New York City, Oklahoma, Detroit, Washington, Alabama, Tampa, Des Moines, northern California, and dozens of other cities, regions and states.

Of course, there’s another option for people who prefer a more positive take: donating out of love for cats in general, because despite the encouraging drop in animal euthanasia over the past two decades — the result of relentless campaigns to get pets and street cats spayed/neutered — a few hundred thousand cats are put down every year. Every time a cat is fixed, that number drops, and existing cats have a better chance of finding forever homes.

After Nine Years In A Shelter, Barney Gets A Family And A Home Of His Own

Meet Barney the cat, who waited NINE years for his forever home. PLUS: Buddy’s no longer chubby.

Barney goes home

Meet Barney, who finally has a forever home after nine years living in a shelter:

barneycat2

I’ve got a bias toward silver tabbies obviously, but look at this little guy! He’s handsome, he’s got bright green eyes and I’ve no doubt he’s got a ton of love to give to his new people.

The question is: Why did it take nine years for him to get adopted? It’s deeply unfair and depressing, although the people at Iowa’s Emmett County Animal Shelter deserve credit for never giving up on him.

Barney was born at the shelter and was passed over every time potential adopters came in to look at cats, shelter staff told the Des Moines Register. When someone posted a photo of Barney to Reddit along with a short note about his predicament, Amanda Scherer drove six hours to adopt him, telling the Register “I really wanted to give him a home.”

Social media has become an invaluable tool for shelters looking to place cats and dogs in homes, and there are two common denominators to the success stories: a great photo that capture’s the pet’s personality and a backstory. The more the story tugs at the heartstrings, the better.

No judgments here, but I wish people who are inclined to buy cats and dogs would think of all the Barneys out there who need homes. Some 1.5 million of them are killed every year because the demand for homes is greater than the demand for shelter pets. That’s a significant improvement over decades past thanks to relentless efforts to get animals spayed and neutered, but we can do better.

Bud’s looking ripped

Buddy’s been on a diet since early this summer, necessitated by my poor job of learning to say no when he screeches for snacks, which is approximately all the time.

It hasn’t been easy for either of us: He wants his treats and I desperately want him to stop meowing for them, but after three months I’ve really noticed a difference. He’s much trimmer these days and he’s mostly learned to be satisfied with smaller treat portions at longer intervals, so it’s been worth it.

Now all I have to do is avoid lapsing into being his human snack dispenser again and avoid using treats as a lazy way to get him to do things he doesn’t want to do. Like, for example, giving me a few minutes of meow-free peace when I’m trying to focus on writing. (The only time he stops trilling, chirping and meowing is when he’s eating or napping.)

I’ll get a good full shot of my feline overlord so you can see how ripped he’s looking, but in the meantime here’s a photo I took this week on the balcony, where Bud likes to lounge in the summer. There are no color filters or any other edits except a simple crop and a shadow/highlight adjustment, and you can see his “terracotta nose” and just how bright and green his eyes are in natural outdoor light:

buddybalcony

Although there are no filters, I should note here that I took this photo with my new Samsung, and Galaxy phones are known for their saturated colors. My previous phone was a Google Pixel which often resulted in the opposite effect, with photos looking sapped of color in some lighting conditions. Still, the Galaxy’s photos are much closer to what I see with my own eyes when little man is playing outside.

P.S. Thank you to the reader who dubbed Bud “terracotta nose” a while back. I’m sorry, I can’t remember who bestowed him with that nickname, but I love it.

Pawtriotic Americats: Vote For Buddy!

Former President Buddy wants your vote as he makes another bid for president of the Americats.

Now that Buddy’s officially announced his candidacy to regain his rightful post as President of the Americats, his campaign is in full swing and it’s all-in on classic Americata and Americat imagery.

Buddy, who was narrowly defeated by Purrsident Joe Bitin’ in 2020, then banned from the social media platform Meower after claiming Los Gatos criminal gang was at the forefront of a conspiracy to deny him a second term, criticized his opponent’s age, record and culinary preferences as he took questions from reporters.

Asked by a reporter for Cat Broadcasting Corporation (CBS) how he would approach a rematch with Bitin’, Buddy said he’d take a paws-off approach.

“I don’t need to defeat Joe Bitin’,” Buddy said. “Time is doing it for me. He eats senior kibble. He needs little stairs just to get into the litter box. He thinks it’s 1992. I mean, come on.”

That prompted a reaction from CNN’s (Cat News Network) Panderson Pooper, who pointed out there are health concerns about the former president himself. Photos printed by the New York Lunchtimes showed Buddy on a golf course, his stomach jiggling as he teed off on a par three at New York’s Westchester Country Club.

Asked about his weight, the former president became incensed.

“For the millionth time, I am NOT fat! That’s pure meowscle!” he insisted. “I just look a little floofy because I’ve got a longer coat on my underside, a-and, and a prominent primordial pouch, which I like to call a warrior’s pouch because it exists to protect the vitals of true warrior felines. Like me, of course.”

Buddy visited the Iowa State Fair over the weekend, where he mingled with Americats, helped judge a dance competition, and chowed down on cheesesteaks, fried Oreos, fried turkey legs, fried chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, chili, hot wings and ice cream. His campaign staff had to repeatedly redirect him away from food stalls and toward potential voters.

Buddy’s primary rival, Florida Gov. John DeSpamis, also worked the crowds at the Fair, but the two cats never came face to face.

Instead, Buddy turned to his own social media network to fire off messages critical of his rival, whom he calls Meatball John.

“Meatball is dead in the water, folks! Polling 40% behind me. Sad!” Buddy wrote. “If only he had stayed in his lane, I might have considered him for Secretary of Yums or put him in charge of toys. But that ship has sailed, so now Meatball will pad back down to Florida with his tail between his legs. Sad!”

Buddy’s nex scheduled campaign stop will take him to the New Hampshire State Fair, where his campaign staff faces a significant challenge in keeping him away from corn dogs, bacon sandwiches, roast turkey and his favorite, turkey fried in a crust of Flaming Hot Cheetos.