human servant – Pain In The Bud

Little Buddy’s Blog Takeover: The Mystery Of The Missing Cat-Sitters!

Tired of waiting for his human servant to convalesce, Little Buddy has assumed blogging duties. The world looks very different through the eyes of a handsome cat.

Big Buddy is still sick, which annoys me for several reasons including: 1) The level of service is subpar and has NOT returned to pre-COVID standards of excellence. Unacceptable! 2) I’m told I have fans on something called the internet, and Big Buddy has been derelict in his duties, which I’m told involve updating all my fans about how delightful I am, and all the awesome stuff I do on a daily basis. (In between regularly scheduled naps, of course.)

So in the interest of serving my many fans, and not because I have a big ego, I’m taking over the blog for the immediate future! If there was ever a time you wanted to hear directly from Little Buddy, now’s your chance.

So where was I? Right. All the awesome stuff I’ve been doing. Here’s the cover of my newest comic book, the Adventures of Baby Bud. It’s about all the awesome stuff I did as a kitten. I am much bigger and more meowscular now, but I was already very handsome in my kitten days:

Buddy the Cat and the Mystery of the Missing Cat-Sitters!

We have a mystery on our hands, people! A real head-scratcher!

You see, the number of people willing to cat-sit me has dwindled to zero. That’s ~~really sad~~ awesome, because it means Big Buddy can’t go away OR he has to take me with him to all the places he goes, like Washington, the Outer Banks and upstate New York.

Some of you may remember that I accidentally attacked my original cat-sitter, Sue. There may have been some light clawing and maybe teeth involved, but it was no biggie. Humans are so dramatic about these things.

Well, Sue is very nice and the next time Big Buddy went away, she said she’d still stop by to feed me every day but she wouldn’t play with me anymore. (So dramatic.) Also, she had some sort of shield when she entered my domicile, and she kept saying “Be calm, Buddy, be calm! I’m just here to feed you!”

The thing is, I sort of maybe attacked her again. It wasn’t my fault, okay? I thought a chalupacabra was breaking in and I had to defend my territory!

Fast forward to late June and everyone who had cat-sat for me before was suddenly “busy.” Very strange. So Big Buddy turned to the one person who wouldn’t say no, Mother of Big Buddy, or MoBB, and she watched me while Big Buddy cruelly jetted off to Washington to hang out with Brother of Big Buddy (BoBB), his wife and their vile miniature humans. What? Is vile too strong of a word? Okay, their unpredictable, undeveloped-motor-skills-having, loud, terrifying miniature humans. Is that better?

Anyway, I sort of accidentally attacked MoBB too LOL. See, what happened was she woke up and went into the kitchen to make coffee, and I got agitated when I didn’t see any movement indicating she was going to feed me, and I sort of tripped and tried to break my fall by wrapping all four paws around her right leg, raking them down her calf and maybe kind of biting her shin a little bit until the skin broke.

And, uh, she might have had to go to urgent care, where the doctor claimed the “wound” from my “bite” was “infected” and prescribed her some sort of pills.

Like I said, it was all very dramatic. So now no one will watch me. Poor Little Buddy. I guess I’m just gonna have to sacrifice and accompany my Big Buddy on his next adventure. It’ll be tough, but I’m a team player and I’ll see this through so that my pal can get away for a few days without having to leave me home.

So that’s what’s been up in La Casa de Buddy. What’s up with you? 😎

Sunday Cats: Should Kitties Be Allowed On Passenger Jets? Plus: Footballers Adopt Cat From Qatar

Buddy the Cat tries to sell his human. Meanwhile, UK soccer stars adopt their own new buddy from Qatar.

Happy Sunday, dear readers. Buddy’s apparently angry with me about something, because I found a copy of this on the printer:

Human Buddy 4 Sale — Listed under “For sale by owner.”

What could I have done to deserve this? And $16? Isn’t that a little low? It’s insulting! We’re gonna need to have a little chat, Buddy to Buddy.

Should Cats Be Allowed On Airplanes?

CNN’s Jacqueline Swartz has a column about the challenges of traveling when you’re afflicted with severe allergies. Swartz is thoughtful, isn’t resentful of cats and understands it’s on her — for the time being, at least — to prep for flights by taking allergy medication, but she also believes airlines can do more to accommodate people who are allergic to pets.

As a cat guy and someone who dealt with really bad cat and dog allergies in my childhood and teenage years, I can sympathize with Swartz’s plight, and I agree that airlines can do more.

Of course, by “Should cats be allowed on airplanes?” she’s really asking if cats should be allowed in the passenger cabin. Even if a feline’s snug in a carrier, tucked beneath its human’s seat and well-behaved during the flight, a relatively short six-hours from New York to LA can cause all kinds of havoc on the immune systems and sinuses of people who are ultra-sensitive to cat dander.

Cat on passenger flight — Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Putting cats in cargo compartments is not an answer, and neither is banning cats from flights. Sometimes flying with a cat is a necessity, whether you’re moving cross-country or planning to live abroad temporarily. But airlines are notorious for trying to extract every dime from passengers, whether it’s charging thousands for business class or up-selling regular seats as “premium coach” by offering a Louis Vuitton-branded pillow or whatever.

Perhaps some enterprising airline executive could build goodwill with travelers, earning extra business and loyalty along the way with an innovative and friendly way to handle animals. How much space could possibly be required for a quiet, closed-off, climate-controlled closet where six or eight cats in carriers can snooze during a flight? That would solve the allergy problem, make life easier for everyone and probably make traveling easier on cats too.

Dave the Cat has a new home in England

While a thoughtless PR official for Brazil’s national team drew the ire of animal lovers for the way he mishandled a cat during a press conference — an unforced error, since the cat wasn’t bothering anyone — some good is coming out of the World Cup for at least one feline.

Dave the Cat, a friendly stray befriended by England defenders Kyle Walker and John Stones, will be adopted by the players, who both suit up for the Premiere League’s Manchester City during normal club play.

Dave, a cream-colored tabby, won’t be reunited with his new pals right away. He’ll have to endure four months of quarantine first, as per the UK’s rules on bringing animals to the country, and then presumably he’ll be adopted by Walker, Stones or the entire team.

Brazil World Cup cat — An official with Brazil’s national team caught heat for the way he picked up and tossed a cat in Qatar. (Screengrab)

Cat in Qatar — Thankfully, the cat seemed unharmed.

Point/Counterpoint: ‘Disrupting My Sleep Is Really Rude!’ vs ‘Is It Not Reasonable To Walk On Your Face While You’re Sleeping?’

Buddy the cat argues it’s no big deal to walk on your face, human, while Buddy the cat argues it’s an outrage that you disrupt his beauty rest!

Disrupting My Sleep Is Really Rude! by Buddy the Cat, columnist.

Hey! Not cool, dude! I was sleeping and you woke me up by sitting on the other side of the couch! And yesterday I was napping on your keyboard, trying to make up sleep after only getting 12 hours the day before, when you picked me up and placed me on your bed, mumbling some sort of lame apology about how you have to do “work.”

Is it too much to ask for a little consideration around here? Is it too much to ask that you put off nature’s call for a mere three or four hours when I fall asleep in your lap? I’m not asking for much!

The next time you’re tempted to disturb my beauty rest, ask yourself how you’d feel if I did the same thing to you!

Is It Not Reasonable To Walk On Your Face While You Sleep? by Buddy the Cat, columnist

What? Why are you being so dramatic? So I walked on your face and screeched into your ear. What’s the big deal?

I was hungry. I wanted breakfast. The whims of my appetite must always come before your “need” for sleep.

I don’t know if you realize this, human, but you are very comfortable to lounge, sleep, walk and bounce on. I find my creative powers are heightened to their utmost when I’m laying on top of you, keeping you locked into an uncomfortable position while you’re willing to allow your limbs to fall asleep for my comfort.

Is that not the crux of our relationship, anyway? You feed me, take care of me, groom me, entertain me and pick up after me, in exchange for being in my delightful company, yes? It could be argued that allowing me to sleep on you and walk on your face is but a basic part of your duties as a servant.

Now let us discuss the idea of a turkey dispenser next to ~~your~~ my bed…

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us again next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.