Cats Are Fighting The Ukraine War On The Propaganda Front — And From The Trenches

From the military camps where they stop mice from wreaking havoc to social media where they help raise money, Ukraine’s felines are enduring the war alongside their people.

Roman Sinicyn and his men were living in an abandoned house in a destroyed village for a month.

Although each of the Ukrainian soldiers contributed to their survival and fought the Russians, perhaps their biggest hero was Syrsky the Cat.

The fearless feline evicted a rodent infestation in the platoon’s temporary headquarters, hunting the mice mercilessly as his humans engaged in firefights with invading Russians. By day Syrsky made the soldiers’ temporary lodgings livable and by night he soothed their trauma with healing purrs.

The cheese-loving moggie’s moniker is a double-entendre: he’s named for Ukrainian Army Land Forces Commander Oleksandr Syrsky, and for the Ukrainian word for cheese, syr.

A new story from Politico EU details the important role of felines as the costly war enters its third year. Russian missiles, bombs and artillery have flattened villages, sending civilians fleeing and often separating them from their families and their pets.

The bewildered cats and dogs, accustomed to easy lives indoors, are suddenly thrust into a world of death, explosions, mine fields and other horrors.

As the war endured past its early phases, former pets began seeking out humans where they could find them — in military camps and in the rodent-infested trenches where they hunkered down against the constant thunderclaps of Russian artillery.

During peak war season in the summer, Vladimir Putin’s bedraggled military fires up to 20,000 artillery rounds a day according to the Associated Press, with that number dipping to “only” 7,000 per day as the war machine slows in brutally cold Slavic winters.

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Oleksandr Liashuk, a Ukrainian soldier, with his cat Shaybyk. Credit: Oleksandr Liashuk

Just like they did 10,000 years ago when they first domesticated themselves, cats proved their worth by chasing out mice and rats, but this time they didn’t have to convince humans to allow them to stick around. They were welcomed with open arms and hands bearing snacks, serving as hunters and therapy animals to men enduring a living hell.

“When this scared little creature comes to you, seeking protection, how could you say no? We are strong, so we protect weaker beings, who got into the same awful circumstances as we did, just because Russians showed up on our land,” Oleksandr Yabchanka, a Ukrainian medic, told Politico.

It’s amazing how a return to primitive circumstances has so quickly pushed humans back toward reliance on animals who made it possible for our species to survive in the first place.

Without dogs, early hunter-gatherers would have been much worse off on the hunt and their groups would have been much more susceptible to ambush when they slept. Indigenous societies eking out existences on the tundra would have no reliable animals to pull sleds. Without oxen to pull plows, farmers wouldn’t be able to produce enough food for civilization to thrive and grow.

And the people of nascent human settlements, taking the first great leap forward for our species with the invention of agriculture, would have starved out over long winters as mice and rats gnawed away at their food stores — if not for cats, our furry friends.

In 2024 humans can’t live without cats once again. Felines patrol Ukraine’s World War I style bunkers, killing hordes of mice. Mice that otherwise devour MREs, chew through comm link and power wires, damage weapons and make soldiers miserable.

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A Ukrainian soldier with a stray kitten. Credit: Ukraine Ministry of Defense

Some cats become unofficial unit mascots and good luck charms, but many others are claimed by individual soldiers who find normalcy and relief in their company.

One soldier/cat pair are viral sensations thanks to videos of the alert cat riding along with his human, scanning the terrain ahead. Another story detailed a patrol whose men just avoided an ambush thanks to their company’s cat, who spotted the enemy first and frantically warned that something was wrong.

In that way, cats are serving the propaganda effort as well, helping the public to connect to the men and women defending them.

Military cats have become signals for Ukrainians to rally around, but Russians are doing it too. Russia is a famously cat-loving country, and Putin’s government has latched onto stories about the felines accompanying his men into battle — an effort that Politico notes is meant to humanize Russian soldiers and create the impression that it values them even as it continues to conscript unwilling civilians and ship them to the front line “meat grinders” with a few weeks’ worth of training, meager supplies and minimal ammunition for their rifles.

In that respect, the soldiers of Ukraine and Russia have at least two things in common — they love their feline companions, and they’re enduring hell as well as a high risk of death because of one small man’s delusions of greatness and legacy. Western media tends to ignore the humanity of Russian conscripts, and the pro-Ukrainian side of the internet calls them “orcs,” painting them as the mindless and disposable drones of a bloodthirsty dictator.

But they’re human too, with their own hopes and fears, and mothers back home worrying about them. They don’t want to be there. It seems fanciful to imagine Russians refusing to continue the invasion when Putin has squads behind the front lines with guns pointed at his own men to prevent them from deserting or refusing to fight. But maybe the men in the trenches can come together over shared interest and shared love of cats, and help put an end to three years of misery.

Buddy Unravels Astonishing Conspiracy During Ayahuasca Trip

“I see it now!” Buddy exclaimed. “Everything is connected, and we are everything! Who else is hungry?”

PERU — Three hours after ingesting ayahuasca brewed by a jaguar shaman — and two hours after jaguar scouts found him running around the jungle while screaming about extradimensional Teletubbies — Buddy the Cat had unraveled an astonishing conspiracy, sources reported.

The New York-based cat, who had long sought to ingratiate himself with various groups of big cats, usually with disastrous results, finally found kinship with the tolerant jaguars in 2021 when he ventured into the Amazon and impressed the jungle-dwelling felids with his extensive knowledge of novel napping techniques. He also introduced the jaguars to turkey, and in return for his contributions to the jaguar nation, the big cats granted him the jungle name Kinich Bajo, which means “tiny sun-eyed one” in the ancient Yucatec dialect.

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Buddy with Canguçu, one of his jaguar buddies.

Buddy returned to the Amazon in October of 2023 to “spend time with my homies” and participate in an ancient jaguar shamanistic ritual involving tea brewed from ayahuasca, the powerful psychedelic used in indigenous ceremonies.

Clearing a small grove in the Amazon rainforest and using rocks to represent people, places and ideas, Buddy was able to find indisputable connections between the Annunaki, the defunct Blockbuster chain of video rental stores and NFL linebacker Barkevious Mingo.

“But where does the Vatican fit in?” Buddy asked, resting his chin on his right paw thoughtfully. “Could it be that Barkevious Mingo is the true pope, and he was speaking ex cathedra when he said Havarti cheese is the food of the gods? Is catkind really ready to accept a divine proclamation on yums that excludes turkey and gouda?”

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An artist’s impression of Buddy and jaguar elder Yguakina in the Amazon, piecing together great mysteries.

A pair of jaguar minders exchanged worried glances as they approached the tabby cat from both sides.

“Come back to the campfire, Kinich Bajo,” said Xbalanque, the older of the two, using the name jaguar elders had bestowed on the silver tabby. “Your work here can wait.”

Buddy didn’t take his eyes off the complex diagram of rocks, vines and leaves he’d carefully assembled. “Not while I’m so close!”

Xbalanque shook his head. “Where is Elder Yguakina?”

Buddy sighed.

“I had to send him away! He’d become consumed with this ridiculous theory involving Ragnar Lothbrok, the 1973 Pittsburgh Pirates and the Webb telescope,” Buddy said. “I don’t have time for such nonsense!”

As of press time, the Jaguar Nation of Iquitos Amazonia said Buddy was on the verge of a great discovery and will not emerge from the jungle until he’s connected the dots or the psychedelic brew wears off, whichever comes first.

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Buddy with his jaguar buddies Xibalbá, left, and Ek B’alam.
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Buddy and Yguakina find a grove where they begin diagramming Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. (Artist’s impression.)

Buddy ‘Profoundly Hurt’ When Human Doesn’t Share Food

Buddy uses one of the most powerful weapons in his arsenal to coax Big Buddy into sharing his food. Resistance is futile.

“Watcha eating, Big Bud? That looks delicious!

So, uh, you’re just gonna sit there eating that in front of me, huh? All that cheesy deliciousness. You know how much I love cheese.

That’s okay, don’t offer me any. I’m just going to sit down in front of you, fix you with my sad, wide-eyed stare, and watch you enjoy those yums.

Yums you won’t even share with your best Little Buddy.

Buddy wants yums!
“I’m going to watch you eat every bite, my eyes looking sadder with each passing second you don’t offer me any.”

What happened to ‘mi casa su casa,’ eh? Mi yummies su yummies. I thought we did everything together, but apparently I was mistaken.

Apparently there’s an end to your selflessness, a line of demarcation that separates the good from the truly delicious. And when it comes to the truly delicious, well, you horde it like Smaug the dragon sitting on his gold, indifferent to the feelings of your best Little Buddy, whose mouth is watering.

I mean, sure, I could pad over to my bowl and munch on some leftover kibble from four hours ago, trying not to think of how much it tastes like cardboard as the smell of that cheese wafts through the air.

I could…What’s this? You’re going into the kitchen? Just a few more feet, open the fridge…yes! Cheese is right there and…oh yeah! Get one of the sharp knives, you know I love my cheese sliced into little Buddy-size cubes. Yes! Careful with the knife. Just a little more. Perfect!

Oh man! You’re the best, Big Bud! I never doubted you for a second! Mmmmm! Let’s eat!

Mmmmm mmmm!

Wait. Hold on! Is it me or does the cheese on your plate look more yummy than the cheese on mine? I know you say it’s the same cheese, I just wanna…hey, lemme get my nose in there, I just wanna sniff it. Maybe take a little bite.

Tell ya what. Why don’t you give me some of the cheese from your plate just so I’m sure it’s the same cheese I’m eating?

Well, sure, you could shoo me away, but I’ll just sit here with my big, accusatory eyes, watching you consume every bite until some of that cheese migrates over to my plate…

Better yet, let’s swap plates. That’s the only way I can be sure that my cheese is just as good as your cheese.

Unless… Unless you knew I’d be suspicious of potential cheese inequity and you put the good cheese on my plate, knowing I would demand we switch.

I’m onto your scheme, human! Switch it back! I want my original cheese! Buddy cannot be fooled so easily.”