Tag: cats and doors

Open The Door Right Meow And Let Me In!

Hey! Hey, I’m talking to you, human!

Yes, you!

Open the door right meow!

Didn’t we have this discussion like 26,413 times? We don’t close doors in this house!

Ah! Thank you! Now that’s better, isn’t it? The door is open and everything is just fine!

Hold on, hold on. Let’s not be too hasty. I’m not sure I want to actually go in there. Well, give me a minute! I’m deciding. Lots to think about here.

Okay, I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to go in.

No! Don’t close the door! What are you doing?! Open it! Open the door!

OPEN IT OPEN IT OPEN IT! *scratch scratch scratch scratch*

MEEEEEOOOOWWW! Open the door! You see my little paws reaching desperately under the door?

 

buddyside

Open the — yes, thank you! Yes, I’m sure. I’m coming in this time. What do you mean, indecisive?

Okay. So I’m in here now. Watcha doing? Is that the new issue of GQ? Not really much going on in here, is there?

I mean, you’re there, just sitting there, and I’m just supposed to sit here? Yes, I realize this is technically your litter box.

I want to go out. Open the door. No, I’m serious. Let me out. I’m not waiting 10 minutes for you to finish that article, wash your hands, maybe brush your teeth. Nope.

Thanks, amigo. Ah, it’s nice to be back out again.

Actually, not really much going on out here, is there? I mean, you’re in there. I’m out here.

Okay, I wanna come back in. Can you open the door again?

Buddy’s Mailbag: How Do I Open Doors?

Dear Buddy,

What is the sick human fascination with doors? Who invented these vile things?

Better yet, how do I get them to open?

I hate doors!

– Hater in Honolulu


Dear H in H,

Welcome to the club, hermano!

No one really knows for sure where doors came from. Our best scientists have a working theory that humans invented doors thousands of years ago as a way to torture us cats.

It worked.

Not much foils us, mind, but doors are a uniquely anti-feline feature of human homes, and we all loathe them. But take heart! They can be defeated.

The Handle Twist
Doors with handles are the easiest to open!

If the doors in your home have handles instead of knobs, and they’re low enough that you can reach them without jumping, then what are you writing to me for? Go open them!

However, if your humans were evil enough to buy doors with knobs, or if reaching the handles requires you to jump, you’re going to need a little more finesse, my friend.

I call it the jump-and-twist. You’re going to need to leap up toward the knob while at the same time twisting your body in mid-air — a trivial move if you’re muscular like I am — so that your back feet catch the door frame. Then use the leverage from your back paws to push while keeping your front paws on the knob. Make sure you turn it!

cat-door
A kitty successfully completes the jump-and-twist and even manages to avoid the water trap his evil humans have laid for him. Kitty 2, Humans 0.

Finally, if you’re not athletic or the door is too difficult to open (or if you’re just lazy), you can employ what I like to call The Buddy Special.

The Buddy Special is very easy: Simply stand next to the door and cry, making your meows more pitiful-sounding by the second. Be sure to hit the sweet spot frequency that mimics a human baby’s cries: Humans are compelled to get up and investigate when they hear that sound!

Good luck and stay Buddy, my friends!

– Buddy the Wise

Under the door
Not proper technique: Going under the door is a good way to get stuck! However, a single paw under the door is a good way to remind human that you are watching them poop.