Tag: Buddy

Happy 5th Of July: Buddy Is Back!

Happy 5th of July from Bud!

We wish you a very Happy 5th of July: The Return of Buddy!

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To mark the occasion, we sat down with everyone’s favorite ridiculous cat for a short interview:

Hey Buddy! What’s up with you lately?

I took a short hiatus. That’s pronounced HI – YAY – TUSS. It sounds like a snack little Roman boys would eat.

We noticed. What have you been doing for the past few weeks?

Eating turkey, working on my meowscles, eating more turkey, and learning to tapdance.

Tapdance?

Yeah, well, I figured if I was gonna wear the hat you see in the picture, I should at least know how to tap dance.

So we hate to rain on your parade, little guy, but shouldn’t it be Happy FOURTH of July?

No.

Why not?

Because the 4th has those infernal things humans call fireworks! I’m not as bothered by them as the dogs in my neighborhood or some of the cats I know, because I’m very brave, but the locals have been setting off fireworks for the last few days you know, blowing off their fingers and stuff, and it’s very taxing when I’m just trying to enjoy a nap.

There’s an amusement park a few miles away, and that interrupted my traditional Sunday Evening Nap. It was vexing.

Right. Just a minor annoyance for you, but fireworks can be very frightening for our lesser four-legged friends.

Exactly. July 5th has no fireworks but it has barbecue leftovers, so you get the barbecue without the explosions.

Also — and this is important — the Yankees don’t play on July 5, which means they can’t possibly lose, which means Big Buddy won’t be all annoyed and stuff, and half-ass my massage.

They suck this year, don’t they?

That’s what I’m told. I usually sleep through their games.

Well it’s good to  have you back, Bud!

I’m glad to be back. And to my loyal fans, you can start sending me turkey again. It’ll go to good use! SEND SEND!

Buddy ‘Declaws’ Himself

Buddy tears a claw off accidentally.

Despite having real scratchers, including the biggest-available tower scratcher sturdy enough for him to stretch out completely, Buddy likes to scratch anything and everything he can get his paws on.

The couch, area carpets, the screen door leading to the balcony, even my brand new La Z Boy desk chair.

Without fail he gets his claws stuck on things he’s not supposed to scratch, and then he mews pitifully in his kitten voice until I find him and gently lift him up to get him unstuck.

After I free him he gets all affectionate, and then he forgets all about it until the next time he decides it’s a good idea to scratch on things he’s been snagged on before.

Today the little dude was having another go at the new desk chair and got his claws stuck on the protective cover that’s there to stop him from clawing the chair in the first place.

I stood up to help him and he yanked on the cover, pulling his paw loose but dislodging something in the process.

Sure enough, when I looked on the floor, this is what I found:

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As you can see, he tore off his entire claw.

I’m surprised he didn’t give any outward indication of pain. He’s been walking around just fine without a limp. I know his instinct will be to hide the pain, like all other cats, but he doesn’t seem very good at that: Just last night he was crying for a few minutes because of an upset stomach, after he’d regurgitated his dinner. (I sat with him and scratched his head. He felt better within 10 minutes.)

I’m pretty sure the claw came from his right paw, but I haven’t had the chance to examine him yet. I’ll have to wait until he’s in a chill mood to handle his paw and take a closer look.

I don’t see anything to indicate the quick was ripped or dislodged in any way. Still, I can’t imagine it’s not bothering him.

Have any of you guys dealt with anything like this before? Is there any reason to worry?

National Hug Your Cat Day? Not Anymore!

Cats probably aren’t the biggest fans of National Hug Your Cat Day.

NEW YORK — National Hug Your Cat Day has been rebranded as National Keep Your Damn Hands To Yourselves, Humans, We’ll Tell You When We Want Pets Day. (NKYDHTYHWTYWWWPD, or simply NKYDH2Y for short.)

The rebranding represents a long-overdue change to the June 4 celebration, Buddy the Cat explained.

“Even the most inexperienced cat servants know we’re not pathetic, slobbering creatures who live for human affection,” he said. “Dogs have the market cornered on that.

“Rather, everyone who knows felines is aware affection happens on our terms ”

Experts pointed to several opinion surveys, including an ABC News/Pew poll that found only 11 percent of cats enjoy hugs. Even among cats who enjoy being restrained in a human embrace, the majority said humans take it way too far and don’t know when to stop. (The same poll found the ideal time to stop is four seconds after beginning, meaning average of two-and-a-half pets.)

Several cats floated the idea of electric harnesses that would deliver a shock to humans who tried to pet their cats without being solicited, but they conceded they’d need human help devising, prototyping, pitching, manufacturing and selling the product.

In the end, the Feline High Commission on Servant Relations decided rebranding National Hug Your Cat Day to NKYDH2Y was simply more feasible, and coincided with the feline commitment to solving problems with the least effort possible.

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Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

What Was Buddy Doing In Canada?!

Buddy has been busy fighting bad guys.

Dear Buddy,

I saw the amazing footage of you chasing a coyote out of a parking lot in British Columbia a few days ago. What were you doing in Canada?

Aboot in Alberta

Dear Aboot,

Quite a few cities are reaching out to me for help these days. You might say I’m like a superhero, responding to distress calls to save the day.

As you know, I was at the head of a 1,000-cat-strong army in Chicago recently, tasked with using my brave legion to save the Windy City from an epidemic of rats. Normally the sight of me and my huge muscles is enough to send rats scurrying for whatever dank and disgusting places they’ve emerged from, but Chicago has a lot of rats. Like millions. That’s too many, even for me.

After conquering the rodential scourge of Chicago, I saw the Cat Signal illuminating the night sky, beamed from a town called Port Moody in the Vancouver metro area.

After flying there and making my entrance with a superhero landing to thunderous applause from the gathered townspeople, I was informed that coyotes were disturbing the peace.

“Please, Buddy,” the townspeople begged. “You’re our only hope.”

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A coyote is a blur, left, as it races to get away from Buddy, right.

Never one to deny people in need, I met the coyotes full on.

“This town is now under the protection of the Buddesian Tiger,” I told the coyotes. “You shall not pass!”

What you saw was the tail end of the clip, after I defeated a small army of coyotes and was chasing the stragglers out of the parking lot. The police clapped when it was over, and the mayor gave me a key to the city and an entire roast turkey!

So yeah, that’s what I was doing in Canada.

Your friend,

Buddy the Cat

Image credit: HeroMachine