Dear Buddy: HELP! I’m Scared Of Ghosts And Monsters!

As one of the bravest cats on planet Earth, Buddy is uniquely qualified to advise scaredy cats who get easily freaked out by horror movies.

Dear Buddy,

My human likes to watch horror movies and they’re freaking me out! I can’t even look at mirrors since we watched Oculus, I jump at shadows ever since watching 30 Days of Night, and I wet my favorite napping spot the night we saw The Ring.

But it gets worse! My human spent almost two weeks watching a TV series called The Haunting of Hill House, which was so scary, scarier than vacuum cleaners and filled with terrifying scenes! It had all kinds of monsters and people dying and countless sinister-looking ghosts hidden in the background of every scene.

Buddy, I can’t sleep at night, even with my human. I’m scared of monsters in the closet or under the bed, and ghosts outside the bedroom door. I’m scared they’re gonna get me in my sleep!

Help me, Buddy!

Terrified in Tallahassee


Dear Tallahassee,

You’ve come to the right cat, amigo! Among our kind the name Buddy is synonymous with bravery as well as good looks and charm, and I’m known for keeping my cool in circumstances that would reduce lesser cats to frazzled, freaked-out messes.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, one they don’t teach to just any cat or kitten: Get under the blankets!

Blankets: The secret weapon.
Blankets: The secret weapon.

You see, blankets are about more than keeping those furless humans warm when they sleep. Blankets have magical properties that repel monsters and ghosts. They’re like shields or magic force fields!

Humans know that if you’re scared and you think there might be monsters in your home, the best solution is to get completely under the blankets, wrap yourself up nice and cozy and rest easy knowing the safety they will afford you until sunrise, when ghosts and monsters have to retreat or die in the sunlight. (Or was that vampires? I get things mixed up sometimes.)

Anyway, being the brave cat I am, I’m totally not scared of anything and I don’t have to hide under blankets. In fact, my human sleeps easy knowing that I’m guarding him. But if I were scared, Tallahassee, I’d dive under some magical blankets and feel my worries melt away.

Your fearless friend,

Buddy

Ghosts and Monsters!
Buddy is widely regarded as one of the bravest cats in the world.

Dear Buddy: Why Do Some Cats Have Flabby Stomachs?

Buddy explains the primordial pouch, a feature that allows cats to do some really awesome stuff in battle.

Dear Buddy,

Why do some cats (like you) have flabby tummies? Why do those flabby stomachs jiggle when some cats (like you) run around? Like Anna Delvey famously asked Vivian: “Are you pregnant or are you so very, very fat?”

Horrified in Honolulu


Dear Horrified,

FAKE NEWS.

What you’re seeing is my primordial pouch, also known as the Warrior’s Pouch, the Paunch of Feline Heroes and the Champion’s Abdomen. When it’s prominent, as in my case, it indicates the cat in question comes from a line of feline warriors, and that the blood of fierce combatants courses through his veins.

Buddy vs The Dragon
A painting depicting the Battle of Felinar Caverns, when Buddy slew the dragon Ysunvaer in single combat. Original image credit: Johan Grenier

If your primordial pouch is not prominent, it means you’re descended from wimps who probably hid under the stairs when faced with threats, like the angry machine god Vakuum and the Elevator, the Mysterious Room That Eats People.

You see, according to scientists, the primordial pouch offers protection to our vital organs during battle, so an errant slash won’t open our guts.

The pouch serves another critical function, allowing us to fully stretch our bodies, thus making possible the incredibly acrobatic and awesome moves that distinguish us as the graceful combatants we are. The primordial pouch makes it possible for us to jump really high, cover incredible distance in a single bound, and tear up the dance floor.

As you can clearly see from the photos, I’m all rippling muscle aside from the primordial pouch, so I’m totally not chonky.

Your Champion,

Buddy

Singapore_Zoo_White_Tiger-2_(8323953474)
All cats, including tigers, have primordial pouches. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

How Dare They! Museum Snobs Evict Elderly Cat From Dubrovnik Palace Grounds

The people of Dubrovnik are not happy with the leaders of a local museum, who evicted a beloved local cat from the grounds of the historic building.

UPDATE, 8/7/2022: Anastasia has been allowed back on the palace grounds, but without the custom shelter a Dubrovnik carpenter built for her. Click here to read our latest story about Anastasia’s saga.

Original text:

In a city that stood in as a filming location for King’s Landing in the hugely popular series Game of Thrones, it was only fitting that a regal cat named Anastasia would choose a palace as her home.

Anastasia chose the Rector’s Palace, a historic building in Dubrovnik, Croatia, as her royal abode, and she’s become a local fixture there for the past 17 years, a familiar feline face appreciated by locals and tourists alike.

People who run shelters in the city of 42,000 have tried to find a home for Anastasia in the past, but she always returns to the Rector’s Palace, so a group of volunteers set up a small cardboard shelter for her on the grounds.

But the snooty museum authority didn’t like the little dwelling and had it removed in May of 2021. In response a local woodworker named Srdjan Kera built a beautiful wooden cat house for Anastasia that combines elements of the palace’s gothic and baroque architecture, boasts a distressed finish that matches the five-century-old building’s facade, features a velvet bed for its resident feline princess, and even has a golden nameplate with “Anastasia” etched into the metal. (Spelled Anastazija in Croatian.)

The little cat palace blends right in under the larger palace’s arcade and even emulates the stonework patterns, but the people who run the museum authority still weren’t impressed and earlier this month ordered the eviction of Anastasia for a second time.

(Credit: Videographer Zvonimir Pandža, clip courtesy of DuList. Click through to see more photos of Anastasia, her local admirers in Dubrovnik and her beautiful cat palace by Srdjan Kera.)

“The opinion of the Dubrovnik Museums is still the same,” the museum authority’s leadership wrote. “The cat house has no place in front of the Rector’s Palace, be it a cardboard box or a stylized dwelling. We emphasize that no one has anything against the cats that stay here for many years and which until recently had no housing,”

The people of Dubrovnik aren’t having it. A petition to return Anastasia to her rightful palatial place has garnered more than 12,000 signatures, a huge number for such a small city. In addition, some 90 percent of readers said they wanted Anastasia to stay at the palace when polled by a local newspaper.

Anastasia needs her house! Give it back,” one local wrote on Facebook. “Apparently, cultural institutions are run by people without culture.”

Kera even told the museum’s leaders that he would pay a fine if it meant Anastasia could stay, pointing out that at her age, she needs a stable, stress-free existence.

“It’s her home,” Kera said. “We’re only talking about one cat, not 70 of them.”

Anastasia's house
Anastasia in her miniature cat palace. Credit: Srdjan Kera
dubrovnik-old-town2
Dubrovnik is a historic city that has been inhabited for more than 1,300 years. Its Mediterranean location and walled old city made it the perfect stand-in for King’s Landing, the capital of Westeros in HBO’s Game of Thrones. Credit: KingsLandingDubrovnik.com
Casco_viejo_de_Dubrovnik,_Croacia,_2014-04-13,_DD_08
A night view of an arcade at Rector’s Palace. Note the detail on the stone benches, which Kera emulated for Anastasia’s cat house. The interior of the palace was used as a shooting location for a scene in season two of Game of Thrones. Credit: Diego Delso/Wikimedia Commons

Does Your Cat Know Your Name? Study Says Maybe

If your cat doesn’t know your name, it’s nothing personal. You’re just a human, after all.

I’m pretty sure Buddy does not know my name, and why should he?

He doesn’t hear my name spoken often, and in his mind I’m probably “Big Dumb Benevolent Human And Butler,” or BDBHAB. That’s a mouthful, even in meow, thus the much easier-to-say “Big Buddy.”

But a new study from Japan claims cats “possibly” know the names of their humans.

First, the parameters of the study would have eliminated the Buddies from the start: the research team from Kyoto University enlisted only cats who lived with at least two other felines. This is because they also wanted to find out if cats knew the names of their furry roommates as well.

The 48 cats who participated in the study lived in regular homes or cat cafes. The team played a recording of their human calling the name of one of their buddies, while a monitor showed an image of a cat. Sometimes the names and the images matched, and sometimes they didn’t.

The cats took longer looks at the images when the feline image shown didn’t match the name they heard, which the researchers said was indicative of surprise.

Separately, 26 cats were run through a similar experiment. In that scenario, the researchers played an audio clip of the cat’s human’s name and showed an image of either the human caretaker, or a cat. Like they did with the first experiment, cats looked longer when the images didn’t match the names, expressing apparent puzzlement.

What's your name, dude?
“I’m a Buddy, you’re a Buddy. We’re all Buddies.”

In case you’re wondering, it does seem to matter if a cat grows up in a home rather than a cat cafe. When the name and face matched, researchers called that a “congruent condition.”

“Half of the trials were in a congruent condition where the name and face matched, and half were in an incongruent (mismatch) condition,” they wrote. “Results of Exp.1 showed that household cats paid attention to the monitor for longer in the incongruent condition, suggesting an expectancy violation effect; however, café cats did not.”

The reasons are fairly straightforward. In a home setting, cats almost always interact with their human family members, while felines in cafes interact with different employees on different shifts, and with customers, who might be regulars or strangers. Either way, the cats living in homes are much more likely to hear their own names and the names of their feline roommates.

“The latter probably have more opportunities to observe interactions between the owner and each of the other cohabitating cats, which might facilitate learning of the face–name relationship,” the team wrote.

The Kyoto team pointed out that many wild animals, particularly mammals and birds, make sounds that correspond to animals, objects or abstract ideas. Monkeys and birds, for example, use a range of different calls to communicate to each other when they’ve found food or spotted a predator heading their way.

The stakes are much lower in a home setting, but evolutionary traits can still serve cats and dogs well. One reason pets may be keen to recognize the names of their furry roommates, the research team speculated, is competition. After all, Socks would want to know if Oreo is getting more treats or head scritches.

Fresh Off Binging K-Dramas, Buddy Demands Others Call Him Jeonha

Buddy has taken to styling himself as a Joseon king after gorging himself on Korean period dramas set during the long-enduring dynasty.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat has taken to wearing Joseon dynasty royal robes and insisting others call him “Jeonha” — a style of address for a king which means “Your Highness” — after binging Korean historical dramas over the last several months.

The silver tabby, who once pretended to be Spanish and has previously tried to ingratiate himself with lion prides and zoo tigers, took on the persona of a king of Joseon, the historical name for the kingdom of Korea as it existed for half a millennium. The move followed an extended TV binge during which Buddy watched Netflix’s Kingdom, The Crowned Clown and Six Flying Dragons.

“Where is the Left State Councilor?” Jeonha Buddy shouted on Friday while lounging atop a replica of the famously elaborate Phoenix Throne. “The Ministry of Yums is late with my dinner once again. This will not be overlooked!”

Committing fully to his cosplay, Buddy designated each floor in his apartment building as its own “province,” appointing cats in other apartments as governors, Confucian scholars and tax officials. In addition, he created a court schedule dictating three official audiences per week, demanding reports on “the state of the cat food cupboard” and vigilance in looking for signs that a Japanese neighbor, Mr. Fuji, planned to invade his realm.

“We must not underestimate the Shogunate,” he said. “Have the Chief Secretary draw up an official mobilization order for the Five Armies so that we may have a regiment stationed along the border in case Mr. Fuji has military intentions.”

“Yes, Jeonha!” the other cats said, bowing. “Your grace is immeasurable!”

Asked on Sunday what he thought of the group of cats who stood watch outside his apartment, Mr. Fuji said: “I like cats!”

Seoul_Throne_in_Geunjeongjeon_03
Buddy’s replica Phoenix Throne. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Most of Jeonha Buddy’s royal decrees, however, have dealt exclusively with food. Royal Proclamation #11, for example, specified the size and serving time of the king’s late night snack, while Royal Proclamation #19 clarified that seafood must not be served two meals in a row, and should be served only after meals of poultry or beef.

Meanwhile, Royal Proclamation #22 sought to appoint Big Buddy as the king’s eunuch.

“You’re pressing your luck, ‘Jeonha’,” the human said, glaring at Buddy. “I still have my balls. You, however, do not.”

As of press time, Buddy consulted the basket that holds his many toys and confirmed that he did indeed still possess his balls, including one that lights up and makes a beeping sound when it’s batted around.

“My court eunuch is a liar,” Jeonha Buddy declared. “Eighty lashes for him!”