Dear Buddy,
Why do some cats (like you) have flabby tummies? Why do those flabby stomachs jiggle when some cats (like you) run around? Like Anna Delvey famously asked Vivian: “Are you pregnant or are you so very, very fat?”
Horrified in Honolulu
Dear Horrified,
FAKE NEWS.
What you’re seeing is my primordial pouch, also known as the Warrior’s Pouch, the Paunch of Feline Heroes and the Champion’s Abdomen. When it’s prominent, as in my case, it indicates the cat in question comes from a line of feline warriors, and that the blood of fierce combatants courses through his veins.
If your primordial pouch is not prominent, it means you’re descended from wimps who probably hid under the stairs when faced with threats, like the angry machine god Vakuum and the Elevator, the Mysterious Room That Eats People.
You see, according to scientists, the primordial pouch offers protection to our vital organs during battle, so an errant slash won’t open our guts.
The pouch serves another critical function, allowing us to fully stretch our bodies, thus making possible the incredibly acrobatic and awesome moves that distinguish us as the graceful combatants we are. The primordial pouch makes it possible for us to jump really high, cover incredible distance in a single bound, and tear up the dance floor.
As you can clearly see from the photos, I’m all rippling muscle aside from the primordial pouch, so I’m totally not chonky.
Your Champion,
Buddy
Pain In The Bud 
The primordial pouch – such a great name for an important body part! It’s their connection to the mighty cave lion and sabertooth cats from the past. The flappy pouch has also been called a sporran by people fond of Scotland’s traditional attire.
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Now you’ve got me imagining Buddy in a kilt. It might even be worth getting scratched just for the laugh of seeing him in one.
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Pictures! I demand pictures of kilted Buddy!!
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Tux got buffed up and is at his ideal body weight, and also has that pouch! Only the most ripped and powerful cats have one of those!
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Clearly Tux comes from a warrior cat lineage, with his meowscles and primordial pouch.
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Bella is of course in full agreement with his Budiness. She in fact pointed out to me that my part of London has been free of deadly giant rats (that I am assured used to live here) since she and her new partner Bertie took up an aggressive defensive posture showing their pouches as a sign of immediate destruction to any rat that may deign to venture in from the netherworld. I am truly saved and protected. Long live the primordial pouch
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What part of London, John? Do they venture down into the Tube to combat the rat plague? They should be paid handsomely in treats for their invaluable service!
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Chiswick in West London, Bella and Bertie say that the Tube rat problem is not theirs as they do not travel on public transport!!
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Figured I might know the neighborhood from one of David Mitchell’s books or Watch Dogs: Legion, but I don’t. I suppose it’s a lot like trying to get a grasp of New York without ever visiting here. One day, though, I’ll make it to London! Bertie is wise to avoid the tube!
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Your cats love and protect you, John: you’re a lucky guy!!
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You know mee has a bit of a pouch….so that iss what this iss Buddy!?!? Thanx…mee was wurried mee was sick or sumthin!
Whew!
**nose bops** BellaDharma
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