Memo From Buddy The Cat, Re: My Human’s Failure To Buy Me A Roomba

Buddy the Cat wants his human to provide him with alternatives to his long-desired Roomba. Nothing fancy, of course.

Sept. 1, 2025 (11 A.B., or After Buddy)
To: Big Buddy
From: Little Buddy

Dear Buddy the Larger,

Since you have failed to secure a Roomba as my personal steed, as per my repeated demands, I have commissioned several other ideas for my personal conveyance.

Please find the enclosed image of a less complex, human-powered method of mobility fitting my station and status as an awesome feline. I have also attached an image of an appropriate seat designated for my use: humble yet regal, comfortable yet authoritative, offering supplicants the chance to to approach my feline personage while also clearly delineating the difference in power between myself, on my raised dais, and the lowly humans who seek my favor.

Note the dog pelt as a carpet beneath my throne…er, I mean my chair. Any dog who seeks an audience will be reminded that I’m, like, a jaguar and stuff, and they’d better be sufficiently deferential and pay tribute with delicious gifts.

Your friend and master,

Buddy

This design eschews all the complex and expensive machinery of a Roomba for good, old-fashioned human labor. I will require six Royal Buddy Guards: four to carry me at normal times, and six to carry me after I’ve feasted. I told the concept artist not to go too crazy with the ornamentation. Nothing too ostentatious, as you can see.

This design, inspired by Kublai Khan’s court in Khanbaliq (Cambulac), his winter capital. Unfortunately I couldn’t find much about the throne in his summer capital, Xanadu, but I have commissioned a designer to cook up something appropriate and will forward that to you shortly as well.

As you can see, nothing particularly fancy here, just good, sturdy, common sense necessities. I’m sure you’ll get right on it.

8 thoughts on “Memo From Buddy The Cat, Re: My Human’s Failure To Buy Me A Roomba”

  1. Wonderful !! Buddy of course deseves this and I am dissapointed that it has not already been supplied! – revolution would be happening in Grove Park if Bellas “throne” ( its a Mies Van Der Rohe stool) is not freely available at all times – my profile picture shows her on it and commanding me to kneel and pay tribute with crunchies… ( and I do of course) A campaign has been started to get his Buddiness a throne that is commensurate with his status as a Feline of awesomeness and global dominance

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      1. shes very considerate and definitely doesnt claw the leather, I guess she wants her throne to look its best for visitors!

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      2. Very wise of her. I have to give Bud credit, while he did scratch the old couch, he hasn’t laid a paw on the new one. Another reason why he deserves his own throne.

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  2. Hi Buddy – We like the idea of a sedan chair for you, but think it needs to be scaled back a little. That one looks a little high. Perhaps you could get small humans to carry you. We have a couple of spare ones if you’d like to borrow them.

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    1. But if he’s not carried by tall Royal Buddy Guards, how will he look down upon his subjects? Besides, he’s not demanding anything too crazy, like the Xerxes thing from the movie 300 that required like 50 guys to carry. Buddy is graciously happy with a more humble means of conveyance.

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