For the next 10 years, these temple walls will be your home. Before you return to the realm of man and cat wearing the orange robes of a true sifu, you will learn the many styles of cat fu!
Dissatisfied With Wet Food Technique:
“You dare feed me tuna? Prepare to die!” Primarily deployed against humans, this style is effective in registering displeasure at meal time. It should be accompanied by a shrill, as-annoying-as-possible meow.
Invisible Skateboard Style:
“Tony Hawk is an amateur who cannot defeat my style!”
Stance of the Five Bladed Bitch-Slap:
“Step away from my treats!” A powerful stance to strike fear into the hearts of cats and humans alike. The extended claws signal you mean business.
Toxoplasma Gondii Technique
A true cat fu Master need not use his fists, for he is able to control and manipulate the minds of simple creatures like humans.
Whirling Tuxedo Style:
“You steal my Temptations? Prepare to die!”
Can Opener Fist of Doom:
If this technique were not so difficult to master, humans would be rendered obsolete.
Flying Strike of Wake Me Up and Feed Me Breakfast:
“You dishonor your family by sleeping until 5:59 a.m. Get out of bed and feed me breakfast, or feel the full extent of my wrath!”
Soiling Tiger Style:
“You shall rue the day you chose not to clean the litter box.”
Stop Petting Me Before I Bite You Technique:
“I enjoyed the petting and now demand that you stop, human.”
Stance of the Broken Wand Toy:
“Better get to the pet store and buy me a new one, or else…”
Inebriated Catnip Boxing Style:
“Oh man, this is good stuff. Who’s got the munchies?”
Crouching Tabby, Hidden Buddy Style:
“This is stealth, not cowardice. My enemies cannot see me because I am inside a bag!”
Lazy Claw Technique:
“We shall have our duel after I finish my nap!”
Photographs of kung fu cats taken by Hisakata Hiroyuki. Photos of lazy Buddy by me.
Feline humor, news and stories about the ongoing adventures of Buddy the Cat.
Pain In The Bud 