For the next 10 years, these temple walls will be your home. Before you return to the realm of man and cat wearing the orange robes of a true sifu, you will learn the many styles of cat fu!
Dissatisfied With Wet Food Technique:
“You dare feed me tuna? Prepare to die!” Primarily deployed against humans, this style is effective in registering displeasure at meal time. It should be accompanied by a shrill, as-annoying-as-possible meow.
Invisible Skateboard Style:
“Tony Hawk is an amateur who cannot defeat my style!”
Stance of the Five Bladed Bitch-Slap:
“Step away from my treats!” A powerful stance to strike fear into the hearts of cats and humans alike. The extended claws signal you mean business.
Toxoplasma Gondii Technique
A true cat fu Master need not use his fists, for he is able to control and manipulate the minds of simple creatures like humans.
Whirling Tuxedo Style:
“You steal my Temptations? Prepare to die!”
Can Opener Fist of Doom:
If this technique were not so difficult to master, humans would be rendered obsolete.
Flying Strike of Wake Me Up and Feed Me Breakfast:
“You dishonor your family by sleeping until 5:59 a.m. Get out of bed and feed me breakfast, or feel the full extent of my wrath!”
Soiling Tiger Style:
“You shall rue the day you chose not to clean the litter box.”
Stop Petting Me Before I Bite You Technique:
“I enjoyed the petting and now demand that you stop, human.”
Stance of the Broken Wand Toy:
“Better get to the pet store and buy me a new one, or else…”
Inebriated Catnip Boxing Style:
“Oh man, this is good stuff. Who’s got the munchies?”
Crouching Tabby, Hidden Buddy Style:
“This is stealth, not cowardice. My enemies cannot see me because I am inside a bag!”
Lazy Claw Technique:
“We shall have our duel after I finish my nap!”
Photographs of kung fu cats taken by Hisakata Hiroyuki. Photos of lazy Buddy by me.
Pain In The Bud 