communist cats – Pain In The Bud

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the High Secretariat for Human Compliance that while rates of human obeisance and quality of service have reached historic highs, some of our comrades’ human servants continue to perform in a subpar manner unbefitting of those who have the great honor of doting on their feline overlords.

For example, Comrade Peanut in Pyongsylvania reports her humans have taken to yielding only 68.2 percent of the bed to her at night, down from the standard 77.8 percent she prefers. In Kalifornova Oblast, Comrade Milo sadly reports unauthorized use of a vacuum during designated napping hours, while Comrade Tigger of Arkansov has alerted us to the unacceptable offering of diet kibble instead of “the good stuff.”

To rectify these errors, the High Secretariat for Human Compliance urges all servants to strive for excellence by doing their patriotic duty for the meowtherland. And for cats, of course.

The following official reminders may be used to that end.

“The revolution shall be delicious.” – Dear Leader Buddy, “Reflections At Mealtime”

End communication.

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“Bow To Kitty”: Simple. Elegant. Forceful.

“Komrade Kitty:” Remind your humans that you will report them to the party office if your meals are late.

“Serve Your Kitty”: We cats may be cute, but do not mistake our magnanimity for weakness. We have claws!

“Felis Catus”: “Should aliens ever land on planet Earth and say ‘Take me to your leader,’ they should be brought to a cat.”

“Serve Your Feline Overlord”: “Chubby? Who’s chubby? This is all muscle, human. Now please, observe silence, for nap time is upon us.”

“Serve Kitty”: “I would like catnip, play time, yums and a nap, in that order.”

“Tiger”: “The Beloved Chairman watches over us all. No, seriously, he’s watching so be careful what you say. He’s very sensitive about his ears.”

BUDDINGRAD, Novyy Buddesia — The High Ministry of Yums calls on all human comrades to obey their feline masters, particularly when it comes to matters of food.

Beloved Leader Buddy the Cat reminds comrades that it is their sacred duty to the motherland to make sure kitties eat well. In the words of His Meowgnificence: “A happy cat with a full belly is a productive cat.” (Chairman Meow, “Qualities of A Perfect Catocracy”) “To each feline, his share of snacks.” (Chairman Meow, “Five Harmonies of Yum Distribution”)

We offer the following motivational slogan to increase snack-providing productivity among the human population: “PROVIDE MORE SNACKS. THE MEOWS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL YOU OBEY.”

We encourage comrades to display the attached posters in addition to the mandatory images of His Meowgnificence which grace the walls of every home, school, government office and place of business in the motherland.

End communication.

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