Tag: Buddy the Cat

Buddy ‘Profoundly Hurt’ When Human Doesn’t Share Food

Buddy uses one of the most powerful weapons in his arsenal to coax Big Buddy into sharing his food. Resistance is futile.

“Watcha eating, Big Bud? That looks delicious!

So, uh, you’re just gonna sit there eating that in front of me, huh? All that cheesy deliciousness. You know how much I love cheese.

That’s okay, don’t offer me any. I’m just going to sit down in front of you, fix you with my sad, wide-eyed stare, and watch you enjoy those yums.

Yums you won’t even share with your best Little Buddy.

Buddy wants yums!
“I’m going to watch you eat every bite, my eyes looking sadder with each passing second you don’t offer me any.”

What happened to ‘mi casa su casa,’ eh? Mi yummies su yummies. I thought we did everything together, but apparently I was mistaken.

Apparently there’s an end to your selflessness, a line of demarcation that separates the good from the truly delicious. And when it comes to the truly delicious, well, you horde it like Smaug the dragon sitting on his gold, indifferent to the feelings of your best Little Buddy, whose mouth is watering.

I mean, sure, I could pad over to my bowl and munch on some leftover kibble from four hours ago, trying not to think of how much it tastes like cardboard as the smell of that cheese wafts through the air.

I could…What’s this? You’re going into the kitchen? Just a few more feet, open the fridge…yes! Cheese is right there and…oh yeah! Get one of the sharp knives, you know I love my cheese sliced into little Buddy-size cubes. Yes! Careful with the knife. Just a little more. Perfect!

Oh man! You’re the best, Big Bud! I never doubted you for a second! Mmmmm! Let’s eat!

Mmmmm mmmm!

Wait. Hold on! Is it me or does the cheese on your plate look more yummy than the cheese on mine? I know you say it’s the same cheese, I just wanna…hey, lemme get my nose in there, I just wanna sniff it. Maybe take a little bite.

Tell ya what. Why don’t you give me some of the cheese from your plate just so I’m sure it’s the same cheese I’m eating?

Well, sure, you could shoo me away, but I’ll just sit here with my big, accusatory eyes, watching you consume every bite until some of that cheese migrates over to my plate…

Better yet, let’s swap plates. That’s the only way I can be sure that my cheese is just as good as your cheese.

Unless… Unless you knew I’d be suspicious of potential cheese inequity and you put the good cheese on my plate, knowing I would demand we switch.

I’m onto your scheme, human! Switch it back! I want my original cheese! Buddy cannot be fooled so easily.”

Happy 5th Of July: Buddy Is Back!

Happy 5th of July from Bud!

We wish you a very Happy 5th of July: The Return of Buddy!

buddyhappy5th

To mark the occasion, we sat down with everyone’s favorite ridiculous cat for a short interview:

Hey Buddy! What’s up with you lately?

I took a short hiatus. That’s pronounced HI – YAY – TUSS. It sounds like a snack little Roman boys would eat.

We noticed. What have you been doing for the past few weeks?

Eating turkey, working on my meowscles, eating more turkey, and learning to tapdance.

Tapdance?

Yeah, well, I figured if I was gonna wear the hat you see in the picture, I should at least know how to tap dance.

So we hate to rain on your parade, little guy, but shouldn’t it be Happy FOURTH of July?

No.

Why not?

Because the 4th has those infernal things humans call fireworks! I’m not as bothered by them as the dogs in my neighborhood or some of the cats I know, because I’m very brave, but the locals have been setting off fireworks for the last few days you know, blowing off their fingers and stuff, and it’s very taxing when I’m just trying to enjoy a nap.

There’s an amusement park a few miles away, and that interrupted my traditional Sunday Evening Nap. It was vexing.

Right. Just a minor annoyance for you, but fireworks can be very frightening for our lesser four-legged friends.

Exactly. July 5th has no fireworks but it has barbecue leftovers, so you get the barbecue without the explosions.

Also — and this is important — the Yankees don’t play on July 5, which means they can’t possibly lose, which means Big Buddy won’t be all annoyed and stuff, and half-ass my massage.

They suck this year, don’t they?

That’s what I’m told. I usually sleep through their games.

Well it’s good to  have you back, Bud!

I’m glad to be back. And to my loyal fans, you can start sending me turkey again. It’ll go to good use! SEND SEND!

Buddy ‘Declaws’ Himself

Buddy tears a claw off accidentally.

Despite having real scratchers, including the biggest-available tower scratcher sturdy enough for him to stretch out completely, Buddy likes to scratch anything and everything he can get his paws on.

The couch, area carpets, the screen door leading to the balcony, even my brand new La Z Boy desk chair.

Without fail he gets his claws stuck on things he’s not supposed to scratch, and then he mews pitifully in his kitten voice until I find him and gently lift him up to get him unstuck.

After I free him he gets all affectionate, and then he forgets all about it until the next time he decides it’s a good idea to scratch on things he’s been snagged on before.

Today the little dude was having another go at the new desk chair and got his claws stuck on the protective cover that’s there to stop him from clawing the chair in the first place.

I stood up to help him and he yanked on the cover, pulling his paw loose but dislodging something in the process.

Sure enough, when I looked on the floor, this is what I found:

PXL_20210613_222141784.PORTRAIT

PXL_20210613_221950049.PORTRAIT

As you can see, he tore off his entire claw.

I’m surprised he didn’t give any outward indication of pain. He’s been walking around just fine without a limp. I know his instinct will be to hide the pain, like all other cats, but he doesn’t seem very good at that: Just last night he was crying for a few minutes because of an upset stomach, after he’d regurgitated his dinner. (I sat with him and scratched his head. He felt better within 10 minutes.)

I’m pretty sure the claw came from his right paw, but I haven’t had the chance to examine him yet. I’ll have to wait until he’s in a chill mood to handle his paw and take a closer look.

I don’t see anything to indicate the quick was ripped or dislodged in any way. Still, I can’t imagine it’s not bothering him.

Have any of you guys dealt with anything like this before? Is there any reason to worry?

Cats: The Not-So-Ultimate Spider Hunters!

Would your cat take on a spider this big?

As if Australia doesn’t have enough terrifying critters, there’s the Huntsman spider, a big tarantula-looking monstrosity that welcomes itself into houses.

Luke Jones, who uploaded the below video to TikTok, says it’s “not unusual” to see them hanging onto walls or poking out from behind curtains, and they “get into everything, all the linen clothes on the bed.”

In his position I’d get a hermetically sealed chamber to use as my bedroom, but Luke’s got his own solution: Let his cat take care of the problem. In the video, a woman — presumably Luke’s girlfriend or wife — hoists the couple’s pet cat up so kitty can ruthlessly earn his keep as an exterminator half-heartedly paw at the spider:

@luke.jones45

♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys – Kevin MacLeod

Cats are famous for “playing” with their prey, so maybe what we’re seeing is an initially curious cat getting a close look at the Huntsman before unleashing a dose of feline whoop-ass.

One thing I know for sure: If I tried to get Buddy to play exterminator with a spider that large he’d go hide underneath a table.

What Was Buddy Doing In Canada?!

Buddy has been busy fighting bad guys.

Dear Buddy,

I saw the amazing footage of you chasing a coyote out of a parking lot in British Columbia a few days ago. What were you doing in Canada?

Aboot in Alberta

Dear Aboot,

Quite a few cities are reaching out to me for help these days. You might say I’m like a superhero, responding to distress calls to save the day.

As you know, I was at the head of a 1,000-cat-strong army in Chicago recently, tasked with using my brave legion to save the Windy City from an epidemic of rats. Normally the sight of me and my huge muscles is enough to send rats scurrying for whatever dank and disgusting places they’ve emerged from, but Chicago has a lot of rats. Like millions. That’s too many, even for me.

After conquering the rodential scourge of Chicago, I saw the Cat Signal illuminating the night sky, beamed from a town called Port Moody in the Vancouver metro area.

After flying there and making my entrance with a superhero landing to thunderous applause from the gathered townspeople, I was informed that coyotes were disturbing the peace.

“Please, Buddy,” the townspeople begged. “You’re our only hope.”

buddycoyote
A coyote is a blur, left, as it races to get away from Buddy, right.

Never one to deny people in need, I met the coyotes full on.

“This town is now under the protection of the Buddesian Tiger,” I told the coyotes. “You shall not pass!”

What you saw was the tail end of the clip, after I defeated a small army of coyotes and was chasing the stragglers out of the parking lot. The police clapped when it was over, and the mayor gave me a key to the city and an entire roast turkey!

So yeah, that’s what I was doing in Canada.

Your friend,

Buddy the Cat

Image credit: HeroMachine