Feline Weirdness – Page 29

Little Buddy Was Kung Fu Fighting!

Cats and kung fu are a match made in heaven with these hilarious photos.

Little Buddy was kung fu fighting! That cat was fast as lightning!

In fact it was a little bit frightening, hell yeah
But he fought with expert timing!

There were funky kung fu kitties from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It’s an ancient feline art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

Every Buddy was kung fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning!
In fact it was a little bit frightening, hell yeah
But they fought with expert timing!

There was funky Buddy Cat and funky Mr. Tom
He said: “Here come the tigers, let’s get it on”
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we’re into a brand new trip

Every Buddy was kung fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning!
In fact it was a little bit frightening, hell yeah
But they fought with expert timing!

Photos credit Hisakata Hiroyuki, Pictures of Cats, Wikimedia Commons

Modern Box: The Magazine For Discerning Felines

Buddy the Cat, publisher and editor-in-chief of the all-new Modern Box Magazine, seeks cats of considerable taste for the ultimate feline lifestyle magazine.

Buddy the Cat, publisher and editor-in-chief of the all-new Modern Box Magazine, seeks cats of considerable taste for the ultimate feline lifestyle publication. The editorial department seeks cats for the following positions: Investigative Eater, Box Reviewer, Keyboard Warmer, Leisure Editor. Must have at least three years’ experience sleeping, eating and lounging in a human home.

Does Your Cat Like To Teleport?

Cats are swift and sneaky.

I was working on a writing project late one night when I got up from my desk, intending to head to the kitchen for a beverage when I almost stumbled over Buddy, who was lounging care free and belly-up in my bedroom doorway.

“Not a good place to lounge, Bud,” I said, stepping over him as he stretched and yawned.

I took another step, looked up…and saw Bud sitting on the dinner table about 12 feet ahead of me, fixing me with his quizzical Buddy Stare. WTF? I thought.

I did a double-take, looking down at the doorway where the little dude had been laying just a second ago, then turned back toward the table. Buddy regarded me, head cocked slightly to one side as his tail gently thumped the table.

For a long second I entertained the possibility that there were two cats, that somehow a gray tabby who looked a lot like Bud had gotten inside, and for some unfathomable reason Buddy was perfectly nonchalant about it.

“No teleporting in the house!” I told him. “It’s rude!”

“Mrrreppp,” Bud replied, hopping down from the table and stepping toward the kitchen.

The story comes to mind because we had another teleporting incident last night, with little man lounging on my bed, then appearing on my desk chair half a second later.

It’s easy to forget how quick and silent cats can be when it suits them, especially since the majority of their time is spent sleeping, eating and lounging. Their little legs can accelerate them to 30 miles per hour, which leaves average humans in the dust and even surpasses the fastest human runners.

Not bad for a species known for its unmatched laziness.

Please share feline teleportation stories if you’ve got ’em. We must further investigate this additional facet of feline weirdness!

Historic All-Feline Hockey Team Forfeits First Game After Discovering Penalty Box

Cats weren’t enthusiastic about hockey until they learned of the existence of the penalty box.

NEW YORK — History’s first all-feline hockey team got off to an ignominious start Tuesday when it was forced to forfeit its first game due to the entire team ending up in the penalty box.

The unfortunate sequence of events began in the first period when Duster Hoggins, captain of the Ice Cats, earned a whistle from the referees for trying to bite one of the opposing team’s forwards.

The members of the Ice Cats’ bench — who had been napping or quietly looking on with detached disinterest — suddenly perked up as the referees announced the penalty.

“Did he say penalty box?” rookie backup defenseman Mittens asked his teammates.

After the referees escorted Duster to the penalty box, mayhem broke loose: The formerly calm felines began a relentless assault on the opposing team by scratching, biting and even throwing themselves at the other team’s players.

A great cheer erupted from the Ice Cats’ bench when Little Panther, their center, was whistled for ignoring the puck and making a beeline for the opposing goaltender, whom he repeatedly struck with his stick.

“Penalty box! Penalty box!” the cats chanted, banging their sticks on the ground as they encouraged their teammates.

A broadly grinning Little Panther high-foured Duster and the two other cats who were already inside when he was escorted to the penalty box.

“Stop it, you idiots!” Ice Cats Coach John Tortorella screamed.

The feline teammates briefly paused, looking at each other for a moment before resuming their cheer: “Penalty box! Penalty box!”

The game was called just 4:52 into the first quarter after the penalty box was crowded with players and the Ice Cats could no longer field a team.

“This is a great sport!” Duster told reporters after the game. “If we’d known the goal was to reach the penalty box, we would have taken to hockey with much more zeal.”

“The goal isn’t to reach the penalty box, you morons!” a visibly angry Tortorella said, cutting into the interview. “We lost today because of your stupidity.”

The Ice Cats are scheduled to take on the New York Islanders on Thursday at the Barclays Center, where Duster vowed his squad would “dominate the penalty box like no other team in history.”

Buddy The Cat Discovers Terrifying Haunted Room

The haunted room, called an “elevator” by humans, eats its occupants.

NEW YORK — Cursing “those infernal humans and their sorcery,” Buddy the Cat tried to fall asleep on Monday night while forgetting the horrors he saw earlier that day.

The normally happy, outgoing cat slipped out of his own apartmental realm as his human was entering it and resumed exploring and charting the strange land outside, known only as The Hallway.

Buddy rounded a corner, exploring further than he’d ever been when he discovered a large room at the intersection of three corridors. The smells were alien to him. Set into the wall was a shiny metal door, wider than the others. A tone chimed and it opened briefly to a small empty room before closing again.

Buddy could hear a deep rumble and feel a trembling beneath his paw pads.

“That’s when the doors opened again, and a tall woman in a blue dress walked out,” Buddy recalled. “The room was conjuring people!”