The name Buddy is bestowed only on the most promising of cats, according to Buddy,
Dear Buddy,
How’d you get your name?
Cool Cat in Cleveland
Dear Cool Cat,
My servant tells me my name is one of great distinction in Humanese, conferred only on those of spectacular repute.
For example there was the renowned Pharaoh, Buddeses II, who oversaw the construction of the Great Sphinx. In Italy, Buddissimo of Naples achieved worldwide fame for his paintings, his numerous inventions and his delicious stone-baked pepperoni pizzas.
In the 17th century Sir Buddington the Bold, Earl of Budderset, was famed for his exploits as an explorer, while Count Buddeaux of Marseilles was known as a playboy, an expert defenestrator and the father of pâté.
In ancient Greece, Buddimedes the Spartan was one of the famous 300 warriors who, under the command of the great cat Leonidas, kept a horde of a million Persians from crossing the narrow pass at Thermopylae. They say the distressed meows of those Persians could be heard for miles as the Spartans pushed them into the sea, where they were forced to catch dinner themselves instead of having tins opened for them.
The name was also popular in Japan, especially among skilled swordsmen like the legendary Buddimoto Mewsashi.
More recently there was Buddy Holly, Buddy Guy and Buddy Miles, musicians all. (I play a bit of guitar myself, reaching out to pluck strings when Big Buddy is strumming away on his axe.)
I’ve often thought about my own legacy in the pantheon of Buddies.
Will I be known as Buddy the Eloquent in honor of my skill with language? Perhaps Buddy the Beefcake in recognition of my muscular physique? Or maybe something modest like Buddy the Brave for my legendary fearlessness?
My human didn’t choose my name, it simply manifested as it became clear I am the next Great Buddy.
I feel the power and the importance of this lineage every day, and it gives me motivation to be the greatest cat I can be.
That means I don’t do anything half-assed, including napping. My Big Buddy says I have elevated napping to an art form. Perhaps history will remember me as Buddy the Magnificent Napper.
“Noooo! We surrender, okay? Just don’t hurt the cats!”
Before the great civilizational clashes at Thermopylae, Plataea and Salamis, there was Pelusium.
The strategically important city on the Nile Delta was where the Egyptians under Pharoah Psametik III made their stand against the invading armies of Cambyses II, the king of Persia, in 525 BCE.
Amasis II was the last great Egyptian pharaoh before Persian King Cambyses defeated his son, Psametik II, and took that title for himself, beginning two centuries of Persian rule over Egypt.
It was a sound decision: Pelusium was heavily fortified, with high stone walls and ramparts. The pharaoh dedicated tens of thousands of men to the city’s defense, lining the ramparts with archers, stone throwers and catapults designed to launch flaming projectiles at the attacking, lightly-armored Persians.
For his part, Cambyses faced the prospect of a long siege or a bloody frontal assault that would cost thousands of lives as his men were tasked with scaling the walls under fire.
But the Persian king knew the Egyptians were not only famously fond of cats, they believed cats were representations of deities.
In a shrewd early example of psychological warfare, Cambyses figured out a way to use felines to his advantage in battle.
Cats were everywhere in ancient Egypt: Goddesses like Sekhmet and Bastet were portrayed as lion- and cat-headed, while Egyptian artists and craftsmen produced statues, rings, pendants and hieroglyphic cartouches with feline imagery. The beloved pets of royalty and other powerful Egyptians were buried in their own elaborate sarcophagi, while regular people mourned the deaths of their family cats by shaving notches in their eyebrows.
An image of the Egyptian cat goddess Sekhmet carved in relief among hieroglyphic inscriptions.
Cats are found in virtually every significant ancient Egyptian archaeological site, often elaborately mummified alongside their humans, and Egypt is home to the largest and most enduring cat statue in the world, the Great Sphinx. Not only do weathering patterns show the Sphinx is older than previously thought, it’s believed the Sphinx was originally carved with a cat’s head, then later defaced in the image of a pharaoh. That theory is supported by the fact that the head is disproportionately small compared to the Sphinx’s body, indicating it was carved down from its original form.
An Egyptian hieroglyph for “miu,” an umbrella word for “cat” that could mean domestic or wild cats, including big cats.
Cambyses realized there was a way to turn the Egyptian fondness for all things feline to his advantage: He had his men round up thousands of cats and carry them into battle as if they were just another part of the soldier’s kit along with weapons and armor.
If they opted to fight they would be killing sacred animals who were avatars of some of their most important gods. If they surrendered Egypt would be subsumed into the growing Achaemenid Empire, joining the Medians, Babylonians, Elamites and other once-proud nations in bending the knee to Persia’s king.
An artist’s depiction of the battle shows Cambyses atop a horse as his men catapult cats over the city walls.
They chose the latter, bringing about two centuries of Persian rule in Egypt and leaving the Persians with no remaining obstacles between them and the loose confederation of city-states of Greece.
The kitties, however, would have their revenge against the Persians, for it was a man named Leonidas (“lion”) who led the fabled Spartan warriors to the narrow mountain pass of Thermopylae, where they and a few thousand fellow Greeks held the pass for three days against an invading Persian army that was the largest fighting force the world had ever seen. (Herodotus, the Greek historian prone to patriotic exaggeration, said the Persians were a million strong, drinking entire rivers dry en route to mainland Greece. Modern historians put the number at about 300,000.)
Regardless, the Lion of Sparta and his men inflicted so many casualties on the Persians that the latter’s morale was shattered, and held the pass long enough to give the other Greeks time to muster their army.
When the Persians finally broke through they sacked Athens and rampaged through Attica, until they met an unstoppable force: All of Greece united under the co-leadership of Athens and Sparta, with 50,000 pissed off Spartan Peers leading the defense. The combined forces of the Greek city-states routed the invading army.
We’re sure the Greeks broke out plenty of catnip for their kitties to join in the resulting celebration, and Herodotus just forgot to include that little detail in his histories.
Thousands of cat servants are suddenly feeling inadequate after a Twitter user showed off photos of their cat’s own custom bedroom, complete with an appropriately-sized bed, a bucket of toys and a TV.
“He actually goes in to nap and to watch birds on Youtube,” user Cinnamonbear9 tweeted, sharing photos of the unnamed tuxedo lounging on his own bed while watching TV.
Cinnamonbear9 said the project was just finished on April 12.
Thankfully, Buddy seems uninterested. Why would he want to downgrade to a tiny bedroom when my bedroom has essentially become his?
Cat name: Bowie, a Siamese mix with tabby markings
Cat’s age: 14, will be 15 on May 7
Cat’s human servant: KC from Los Angeles
Bowie’s origin story: “I’d been without a pet for a couple of years, and woke up on a particular morning with the idea that ‘I’m going to find cat today,'” reader KC says. “I’d thumbed through no more than just three or four listings, and at the sight of a single pic I knew I’d found the one!”
KC knew such a beautiful kitten wouldn’t last long on Craigslist.
“From the time stamp on the post I could see it had only been up for ten minutes. I called the number and the woman on the other end said, ‘Man, you’re fast!'” KC writes. “As it turned out, though, one person was even faster, and the four month old kitten had already been promised — on the condition that the woman called back in the a.m. to confirm. If she didn’t, he’d be mine.
“As luck would have it, I picked him up the next morning, and the love fest is still on fifteen years later!”
Bowie with his sister Phoebe, left. Phoebe is a rescue who was almost put down due to a bad infection. Credit: KC
At that point, Bowie was Chloe: The family adopting him out thought he was female, then decided to part with him when they realized they were wrong. KC, who was a fan of David Bowie, named the young kitten after the king of glam rock.
“I figured something that sounded similar would make no difference to him, so, I almost went with Joey. Once Bowie occurred to me, though, I knew that was it!”
Bowie’s favorite things are his human, his sister Phoebe, eating delicious yums, napping, and getting massages fit for a king — the little guy likes to purr, knead and have his ears rubbed at the same time.
Adopting the furry little Ziggy Stardust felt like fate.
“My favorite part of the story is also the craziest,” KC writes. “When the owner mailed me some paperwork with her vet’s info., etc., a few days later, I was shocked to read that my new pal and I actually shared the same birthday!!! Icing on the cake, really, that only served to confirm the match was meant to be.”
Would you like to see your cat featured on Pain In The Bud? Get in touch here and tell us all about your feline friend.
Handsome Bowie with his steel blue eyes. Credit: KC
You can’t play baseball, kitteh! “Hold my bowl,” kitteh says.
A grey cat sprinted onto the field during Friday night’s Dodgers-Rockies matchup at Denver’s Coors Field, briefly taking over center field as thousands of fans cheered him on.
The furball may have thought the Dodgers needed help in the field after starter Trevor Bauer took a no-hitter into the seventh inning, then got smacked for a pair of homers and gave up six quick runs.
“He’s in center field,” one of the announcers said. “Sprinting into the gap, at the track, at the wall and…captured!”
Dodgers centerfielder Cody Bellinger cheered the little intruder on as he backed up to the wall like a true outfielder, trying to escape a pair of masked employees who scooped him up so play could resume.
Word after the game was that Mets GM Zack Scott offered a roster spot to the enthusiastic kitty, envisioning the fast feline as a pinch runner. If the unidentified cat signs, he’ll earn the league minimum 438,000 cans for his rookie season.
Last night’s game was not the first time a cat has taken the field at a major US sporting event. On Nov. 4, 2019, a black cat scurried out while the New York Giants were hosting the Dallas Cowboys. Superstitious fans blamed the cat for the Giants’ subsequent losing streak, but the truth is the team was just terrible and kitty was simply reminding everyone of that fact.
Pain In The Bud 