thebigbuddy

Thousands Crowd The Catican As Pope Buddy Delivers New Edict

Believers the world over look to His Holiness, Pope Buddy I, for guidance on matters spiritual and gastronomical.

ROME — Thousands of humans and felines crowded St. Bob’s Square on Monday, enduring steady rains and winds so they could witness the newest proclamation from the spiritual leader of all cats.

By late morning the crowd had swelled to an estimated 50,000 according to the Catican News Service. Many held up signs with messages for His Buddyness, while vendors hawked fried Temptations, beef pate tacos and turkey on a stick.

Finally a hush fell over the crowd as two members of the Swedish Guard emerged, opened the double cat flap to the papal balcony and took up positions on either side.

His Holiness himself appeared, resplendent in white vestments and a colorful stole as he waved to the crowd. Well-wishers cheered, whistled and clapped for several minutes before Buddy quieted them by holding up a paw.

“Hark, for the Seventy Second Buddesian Precept shall be revealed to us!” a herald exclaimed.

Buddy spread his paws, leaned into a microphone, and said: “That which can be swiped off of a flat surface must be swiped off of a flat surface.”

A marked silence hung over the crowd for several seconds as onlookers absorbed the wisdom of the cat’s words, then was replaced by a deafening cheer.

“Swipe! Swipe! Swipe!” thousands of felines chanted.

Buddy led the delegation in prayer — “In nomine Pawtris, et felis, et Spiritu Sancti” — then turned and walked back into the peowpal apartments where he planned to meet with prelates over capocollo, mortadella and prosciutto sandwiches with mozzarella and tomatoes.

Just hours after the spiritual leader’s brief remarks, Catolic commentators, theologians and the faithful were abuzz with speculation on the implications of His Holiness’ words.

An icon depicting one of Catolicism’s most celebrated saints, Pope Buddentine XVII. Not to be confused with Pope Buddentine IX, who granted indulgences to the very best chefs, Buddentine XVII was known for ReDelicification of high holidays, placing a firm emphasis where it belongs, on the Lord and all the wonderful foods he created.

The papal proclamation, though laconic in its presentation to the crowd at the Catican, shall be expanded upon and rendered in proper philosophical terms upon the release of Pope Buddy’s forthcoming encyclical, De Significatione Delectamenti, or “On The Significance of Deliciousness,” in which the pope is expected to expound on matters gastronomical as well as spiritual.

“Sandwiches have a special place in His Holiness’ heart, and so he is expected to implore the faithful to ponder the deliciousness of the holiday season,” said Archbishop Felinzio Napoli. “As we look forward to the holidays and celebrate the birth of Christ, let us not forget the meaning of the holiday, nor neglect the flavorful expectations of those who honor it. That means Christmas dinner must be delicious, if it wasn’t obvious.”

Stray Walks 5 Miles In One Day To Get Back ‘Home’ After He’s Given Away

Max didn’t like his new “home” in a barn in Amish country and returned to the man who first showed him kindness.

Brad Bennett said Max the stray was in a bad way when he showed up.

The young cat was malnourished, missing patches of fur and was suffering from infections when Bennett saw him on the property of a western Pennsylvania home where he works as a personal caretaker, first via trail cameras set up to catch images of local wildlife, then in person.

The orange tabby cat was drawn by stale cat food Bennett had thrown out, but he was extremely cautious. He hissed at Bennett the first time the 58-year-old approached him and tried to attack him.

Bennett, who thinks Max may have been abused in the past, earned the stray’s trust and was eventually able to deworm him and give him flea and tick medication, he told local newspaper the Tribune-Democrat.

“I started feeding him and working with him,” Bennett told the paper. “Three months later, [he] was on my lap with me on the swing.”

maxthecat — Max the cat. Credit: Bill Bennett

Bennett, who has two cats of his own, said he couldn’t afford to keep Max because he was “tapped out” by thousands of dollars in veterinary bills, but he knew the little guy needed a home before winter so he made arrangements to take him to a nearby Amish farm which was in need of a mouser.

Max clearly wasn’t taken with the farm because he walked five miles and crossed a major interstate (376) to get back to the home where Bennett works — in one day.

“I kept having feelings of guilt about sending [him] off, not knowing what was going to happen,” Bennett said. “Part of me was kind of excited to see him.”

Bennett knew he couldn’t send Max back to the farm. After he wrote a Facebook post about Max’s situation, Jill Powell, a volunteer with Homeless Cat Management in Pittsburgh, drove about an hour from Pittsburgh to pick Max up. He’ll stay with a foster family until Powell and her organization can find him a forever home.

Whoever opens their home to him will find a grateful cat who knows what it’s like to struggle on his own.

“I was able to hold him, he meows and he reaches for petting,” Powell said. “He seems very sweet.”

Jury Awards Oregon Man $1.4 Million In Stolen Cat Case

The man’s attorney styled the decision as a victory for animal lovers.

An Oregon man didn’t get his cat back but he could be almost $1.4 million richer after a jury decided in his favor in a cat-napping case.

Joshua Smith, 41, adopted a cat he named Frank in 2017 after finding the little guy, apparently a stray, in an alley.

At the time Smith was living in a single room in a group drug recovery home in Portland, according to the Oregonian. The terms of his lease didn’t allow him to keep pets so when Smith’s landlord — a man named Devon Andrade — discovered Smith had been keeping a cat, Andrade took matters into his own hands and stole Frank, admitting under oath he’d taken the tabby and given it to his girlfriend, who then took Frank to a local shelter.

Smith and Frank were never reunited: It turns out Frank has a microchip and he was returned to his original family, the people who were his caretakers before he went missing and Smith discovered him more than six years ago.

Frank the cat, as seen in a photo Fuller showed to the jury.

But it took a jury less than two hours to decide against Andrade and Pine Street LLC, the company behind Pine Street Recovery Housing. The defense argued that even though Andrade should not have acted unilaterally, Smith was still in violation of his lease agreement, but the jurors weren’t buying it.

“The jury’s message should be loud and clear to landlords,” said Michael Fuller, Smith’s lawyer. “You need to respect the rights of tenants, especially when it comes to pets.”

The jury awarded Smith a shocking $1.375 million although it’s not clear how much of that Smith will see. An earlier story, published in 2019, said Smith had sought $250,000 in damages. It’s not clear why the jury went with the much larger amount.

Fuller credits the jury, saying there were several sympathetic animal lovers in the juror box.

Smith said he’s been successfully sober for years. He’s since married, moved to California and opened his own barber shop.

“The most important thing was that I got my day in court,” Smith said. “I got really lucky because I told the truth, no matter what.”

Buddy Updates His Dating Profile Pics

Buddy knows what the ladies want.

NEW YORK — Disappointed with the lack of responses to his dating profile, Buddy the Cat updated it on Sunday with “much more accurate and badass” photos of himself.

“These oughta do it,” the gray tabby cat said, laying back with his paws behind his head and his feet up after successfully updating his Meowr profile.

The dating app, which is exclusively for the use of felines, boasts more than 24 million users and saw an influx of new accounts registered over the weekend after a National Cat Day promotion.

A new and “more accurate” cover photo for Buddy’s dating profile on MEOWR.

Disregarding the advice of his human to “just be himself,” Buddy headlined his profile “Catdonis Seeks Super Hot Model Types.” Under a column titled “Describe yourself in a few words,” the model-seeking feline wrote: “Brave, handsome, meowscular, really really funny, an incredible dancer, and the 2023 National Competitive Table-Setting Champion.”

His human spat out his drink.

“Brave? Competitive table-setting champion? What the hell?” he asked, awe-struck.

Buddy rubbed a paw against his fur and matter-of-factly explained what his dumb human was unable to grasp.

“It’s designed to show my artsy and sensitive side,” he said. “Duh. This may come as a surprise to you, but the ladies like a cat who is in touch with his inner artist.”

Big Buddy shot his feline friend a derisive look.

“The only art you’ve made is in your litter box,” he said. “And it’s depressingly apocalyptic.”

Buddy snorted.

“We’ll see who gets the last laugh, human,” he said. “When I roll up to the club with Meowghan Fox or Jennifer Clawrence on my arm, you’ll be super jelly.”

As of Thursday Buddy had received no responses on his profile.

Help Track Down This Cat Thief And Return Kitty To Her Loving Family

A Nebraska family is heartbroken after a woman stole their cat right off their porch in broad daylight.

Mr. Kitty was taken under duress, and her absence has left a cold spot on her human’s bed — and in her family’s hearts.

Despite her name, Mr. Kitty is a female calico Manx rescued about eight years ago by Benjamin Strimple, who found Kitty with her leg caught in a racoon trap.

“When we got this cat, it just became my everything,” Strimple said. “Became like my best friend. Every single night I sleep with her.”

Now he’s worried for her safety and hoping for her return after his Ring doorbell caught a woman walking directly up to his porch in Omaha, NE, and taking the unwilling Mr. Kitty by force in broad daylight on Oct. 20.

The video shows the woman approach and hold out a hand. The friendly cat sniffs her hand at first, but pulls away as she leans forward. Mr. Kitty fights back as the woman tries to corral her, but a close look at the video shows the woman using what appears to be some sort of spray device before picking the cat up with both hands.

mrkittyringscreenshot — A screen shot of the Ring doorbell footage showing the suspect stealing Mr. Kitty from her family’s Omaha, NE, porch.Click here to view the video.

She carries Mr. Kitty back to a silver Chevy Malibu and drives away. The suspect is a black female with long hair who was wearing an orange skirt, a brown or black shirt and dark sneakers in the footage. Strimple says he doesn’t know the woman but she looks familiar and he may have seen her in the neighborhood before.

Mr. Kitty does not venture off his property, he said, and spends most of her time indoors or on the family’s porch, where neighbors are accustomed to seeing her.

“I feel like it was like their plans. You know, they seen my cat,” he told KETV Omaha, an ABC affiliate. “I’m pretty sure everyone on the street knows that cat belongs to this house.”

Omaha Crime Stoppers and the Nebraska Humane Society are offering a $1,000 for information leading to the arrest of the woman and the return of Mr. Kitty. Anyone with information on the theft can contact Omaha Crime Stoppers at 402-444-STOP or www.omahacrimestoppers.org. If you know anyone in the Omaha area, please share the story and encourage them to share it on social media.

The theft is not only traumatic for the family, but for Mr. Kitty too, pointed out Nebraska Humane Society’s Pam Wiese.

“I’m sure that [s]he’s probably like, what? What just happened?” Wiese said. “I was just loving up on someone and now I’m no longer home.”

Strimple said the only thing he cares about is getting his furry friend back.

“There’s a lot I want to say, but I would just say, just give her back,” Strimple said. “You know, that’s pretty messed up. We have a lot of family, a whole family sad. Just give her back.”