APOCALYPSE: Buddy’s Servant Runs Out Of Cat Food!

The cat food cupboard is bare, and Buddy the Cat is not amused.

NEW YORK — The unthinkable happened on late Thursday night when Buddy the Cat’s human servant opened the very last package of chicken pate only to realize the meat inside had gone bad, probably from a hole in the damaged container.

It was a catastrophe. For the first time in 10 years, poor Buddy was bereft of wet food!

Making matters worse, and signaling a deep betrayal, Big Buddy elected not to potentially lose his parking space to make a late night run to a 24-7 store to buy emergency cat food for his feline overlord.

He is required to do so under the terms of the Cat Servant Agreement of 2014, which stipulates that running out of food is “unacceptable” and supplies “must be replenished when the Strategic Yums Reserve is reduced to five (5) cans or three (3) packages of Perfect Portions remaining in the Cupboard of Yums.”

Poor Buddy was left with nothing except Blue Buffalo dry food, Friskies dry treats, Rachael Ray Nutrish soft treats, chicken puree from a squeeze tube, diced gouda cheese, and a bowl of fresh water.

“Oh why Big Buddy have ye forsaken me?” Buddy asked, collapsing from the lack of meaty caloric energy his meowscular frame relies on to fuel his finely-tuned physique. “Et tu, Big Buddy? Et tu?”

Sources say Little Buddy vowed to exact bitter revenge on his irresponsible, traitorous, callous, selfish, non-empathetic, backstabbing, inconsiderate, terrible human…if he makes it through the night.

Angry Buddy
A visibly angry Buddy, pictured above, was in danger of starving on Thursday night due to lack of wet food.

10 thoughts on “APOCALYPSE: Buddy’s Servant Runs Out Of Cat Food!”

  1. This is disastrous news ! Oh the horor of this is unbearable, Bella would simply keep shouting until food is obtained!!, I assume his buddiness did the same? – no doubt a lesson has been learned ? and stock will not be allowed to fall below the obligatory 2 weeks supply in stock at all times ( thats the rule here!) plus of course treats and a variety of dry snacks. Bella has no hesitation in using a single claw at early morning hours to remind us of the “stock keeping rules” !!!

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    1. lol he was in absolute disbelief. I tried giving him extra treats, figuring one meal of dry food and some treats wasn’t gonna do harm, but yeah, he kept meowing insistently.

      So I said okay, I know there’s that chicken puree stuff in squeeze tubes, maybe if I put it in a bowl and mix it up, he’ll be okay. Nope! Haha. He looked at me like “What is this insulting slop, human? Are you serious?”

      Finally he grudgingly ate some dry food and treats, then bravely and heroically held on until morning. What a warrior!

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      1. his heroism in the face of such adversity is inspiring! Bastet has been informed and a medal is no doubt coming soon!

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      2. OMG, the HORROR (typed while rolling my eyes). I was gonna say, “Well, you could always just give him some tuna. It’s gotten us out’ve a jam once or twice.” And then I remembered, OOPS! tuna’s not allowed at your house. We try not to get down below 2 days worth of food, but have failed a few times. Since joining our gym, we do a cat food run about every other week. PetSmart is on the way home, so we stock up on the wet, the dry, the treats and the outdoor kitty food. We never spend less than $80. I bet the people in line behind us are like, “DAMN! How many cats do you HAVE??” Thank god for discounts!

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      3. Yeah, no tuna unfortunately, but he does like cheese and now that I think about it, I could have made him some eggs.

        Isn’t PetSmart really expensive? When Bud was a kitten I used to get his food from there and it was way overpriced, but maybe that’s just in New York. Chewy has autoship that can be adjusted so you can have your regular shipment sent early or postpone it depending on how quickly your cats go through their food.

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