SATIRE/CAT HUMOR
Inspired by the exclusive Ashera cat, we proudly present to you the Buddinese Jaguar, the pinnacle in feline luxury.
Why settle for a pedestrian Bengal or Savannah when you could own the ultimate in feline status symbols?
Our Buddinese Jaguars feature royal lineage, the finest genetic modifications, and they’re extremely handsome!
– Ultra exclusive luxury cat
– Available in hypoallergenic variants
– Version 2.15 now available!
– Patented SilkySmooth™ technology results in a luxuriously soft coat
– Eye colors available in Neon Emerald, Viridescent Beryl, Azure Sky, Amber Glow, Flecked Gold, Elvis Pink Cadillac, Crystal Cobalt and Electric Sapphire
– Optional moon roof
– Easy to use Quiet Mode™ technology guarantees your Buddinese Jaguar will shut up when you want it to
– Extended 5-year warranty
Each Buddinese Jaguar comes with a rapid USB 3.0 charger, a V8 engine that provides plenty of power for HyperZooms, and an Apple AirTag-enabled collar.
In addition to guaranteed software updates for at least five years, your Buddinese Jaguar is equipped with onboard analog algorithms ensuring it downloads exclusively in its litter box and nowhere else.
Base models start at only $9,950! Hypoallergenic models with patented Fel-d-1 Guard™ technology available starting at $12,495.
We are an officially authorized retailer accredited by the Buddinese Jaguar Association and the Buddinese Authorized Distributor Association Service Standards (BADASS), awarded only to retailers who maintain the highest breed standards.
About the breed:
The Buddinese Jaguar was developed by Buddesian Labs. Lead scientist Buddy the Cat tirelessly and selflessly engaged in coitus with 217 jaguarundi females, producing the magnificent offspring that would comprise the first generation of these extremely handsome cats. Using pioneering techniques in CRISPR gene-editing, Buddy did the impossible and improved upon perfection by eliminating allergens and adding even more meowscle mass.
Note: Buddy the Cat himself is not available for purchase, although he will entertain offers for his human.
Pain In The Bud 
I hereby nominate this post for an Acatemy Award in Feline Humor.
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Thanks! So shall I mark you down for one Buddinese Jaguar or two? They come with a framed Certificate of Clawthenticity personally pawtographed by Dr. Buddy the Cat himself.
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Definitely two or even three. I think my personal Overlord needs some competition as he has fallen down in the Incessant Feline Demands department of late. Please convey my personal thanks to Dr. Buddy and assure him that I will forever treasure his pawtograph.
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👍🤣🤣
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The horrors of lab-created lifeforms. I’ll stick with an original Budster.
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Yes but the gene-editing merely supplements the selfless work of Buddy procreating with the jaguarundis. He is a cat of science and is willing to do the hard work to make sure there are enough Buddinese Jaguars for everyone who wants them.
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Ahahaha, that’s a scream! (as we used to say when I was a kid).
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