MI5 – Pain In The Bud

With Its Sixth Season, Slow Horses Remains One Of The Best Things To Happen To Television

Unlike anything else on TV, Slow Horses expertly blends action, intrigue and wit for an unrelenting spy thriller.

Someone’s coming for the Slow Horses, and our heroes don’t have plot armor.

In our first review of Apple TV’s smash spy hit Slow Horses more than two and a half years ago, we called it the best thriller on TV and praised Gary Oldman’s turn as the surly codger Jackson Lamb, who captains an office of MI5’s worst screw-ups and delights in tormenting them.

Now in its sixth season, the espionage drama has never been better.

The show’s writers have perfected the art of cranking up tension while knowing when to cut it with dry humor, whether it’s Lamb’s biting sarcasm, agent River Cartwright’s annoying earnestness or the delusional confidence of Roddy Ho, the Slow Horses’ tech specialist who believes women are lining up to get a crack at him.

The last two seasons have seen the Horses dismantle a terror ring, get pulled into the ugliness of national politics, and face down an extraordinary manipulator with a serious grudge against the British.

Two business professionals with earpieces standing with arms crossed, looking serious in a corporate setting. — James Callis and Kristen Scott Thomas play MI5’s bosses in the UK spy thriller. Credit: Apple TV

The sixth season is the deadliest yet, with an unidentified foe from the past systematically assassinating anyone who’s ever worked at Slough House, the Horses’ dilapidated, grubby headquarters.

They lock one former Horse in a shipping container full of accelerant and burn him alive, drown another in London’s canals, and stage the death of a third with a lethal gas before Lamb and his “losers” (his words) realize they’ve got targets on their backs. And that’s just the very beginning of the season.

All three assassinations are meant to look like accidents, but Lamb tells the Horses to go to ground. The show’s spies have occasionally reminded the audience there are two sets of rules: under Moscow rules, watch your back. Under London rules, cover your arse.

Lamb fears he and his agents are the sacrifice in a panicked MI5 attempt at arse-covering, meaning Moscow and London rules are now in play. The Slow Horses will get no help from “the park,” MI5’s headquarters, nor from any of its brass, who are likely in on the plot to stab Lamb and his spies in the back.

A man standing in a field of tall grass under a partly cloudy sky, wearing a light-colored coat and a striped shirt with a tie. — Oldman’s Jackson Lamb, whose rumpled, hygienically challenged appearance masks the sharp mind of a Cold War veteran spy always several steps ahead of everyone else. Credit: Apple TV

No fat or filler

At a time when it’s unfortunately common for TV shows to take two or even three-year breaks between seasons (with Netfix taking more than five years between installments of one of its most popular shows), Slow Horses releases a new season like clockwork every 11 or 12 months.

The showrunners accomplish this in part because they’re constantly writing, even while filming, and because with six hour-long episodes per season, there is no filler. Things move fast, plots ramp up quickly, and we learn about the characters not through leisurely exposition but in the most natural way, by seeing how they react and pull together when things are at their worst.

Oldman’s Lamb is the role of a lifetime and the veteran actor is at his best here, only occasionally letting his vulgar, derisive mask slip to show paternalistic care for the agents under his wing. Not all of them are the screw-ups they’re portrayed as, and some are actually excellent spies who have been railroaded or sidelined due to character issues.

Five individuals gathered in a room, focusing on a smartphone screen. Two women are examining the phone closely, while a man stands nearby. The setting is cluttered, with various drinks and food items on a table. — Shirley, center, shows the other Slow Horses video proof that an assassination squad is after one of their own. Credit: Apple TV

Cartwright (Jack Lowden), the most prominent of them, unknowingly did too good of a job when tailing MI5’s second-in-command during a training exercise and caught her debriefing an off-the-books agent who was tasked with burying one of the agency’s worst screw-ups. His reward was being set up to fail in a major training exercise and a subsequent exile to Slough House.

Shirley (Aimee-Ffion Edwards) is almost as abrasive as Lamb and has a drug problem, but is also an extremely capable agent, a crack shot and, in the words of Lamb, “a brave little hobbit” who routinely charges into the most dangerous situations despite her tiny 5’1″ frame. She’s also the first to realize a plot against MI5 in one season and is repeatedly dismissed as paranoid and crazy before reality forces the brass to acknowledge they have a serious problem on their hands.

A woman with wet hair staring intently at the camera while wearing a light-colored sweater with black stripes. The background features blurred office elements and holiday decorations. — A “brave little hobbit”: Aimee-Ffion Edwards plays the Welsh spy Shirley Dander. Credit: AppleTV

Catherine Standish (Saskia Reeves) is routinely overlooked because of her past as an alcoholic, but proves to be a quick thinker and uses her useless reputation as camouflage to devastating effect, while the mysterious Coe (Tom Brooke) is understated and hides a sharp mind.

Then there’s Roddy Ho, who lives in a universe of his own creation, one where he’s absolute catnip to women, a hacker of worldwide repute and a legend in the spy world. Ho incessantly invents flattering nicknames for himself — the Rodzilla, the HoDron Collider, the Hot Rod, the Ramrod, “Roddy by name, Ho by nature” — bragging to one MI5 bigwig that he has “many nom de guerre.”

“I am mythical, historical and futuristical!” he says in one scene, flexing his biceps and bragging that he’s been called a dragonslayer and the True King of Gondor.

A man flexing his arm muscles while wearing a black t-shirt, set in a dimly lit room with industrial elements. — Roddy Ho, the Slow Horses’ tech specialist, lives in a universe of his own creation. Credit: Apple TV

In a lesser actor’s hands, the performance would be over the top to the point of pulling viewers out of the narrative, but Christopher Chung imbues Ho with off-the-scale confidence so he comes off as a man-child who’s been telling himself legends of his own invention for so long that he can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy.

It makes for rich comedic material even in the most tense situations. Ho can go from cowering in a bathroom while yelling “I don’t want to die!” to bragging about his martial prowess in the blink of an eye, and somehow it works.

Both the show’s humor and spy narratives are top notch, and we get plenty of action worthy of Hollywood blockbusters, with spectacular set pieces, brutal fights and explosions enough to satisfy even Michael Bay.

American audiences haven’t fully caught on, and I expect that’s because we generally don’t do the kind of ultra-dry humor that is a trademark of the UK’s best productions. But I’d advise anyone to give it a shot. This isn’t a show you watch with one eye on your smartphone. It demands your full attention, and it rewards you in equal measure.

Slow Horses is currently airing its sixth season on Apple TV, with a seventh already filmed and slated for release next year.

Header image of River Cartwright (Jack Lowden) credit: Apple TV

In Slow Horses, MI5’s Rejects Become Heroes

TV thrillers don’t get any better than this.

There’s a scene in the first season of Slow Horses when Gary Oldman, in the role of a lifetime as MI5 supervisor Jackson Lamb, gathers his team as they’re being hunted.

“I don’t normally do these kind of speeches,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “but this feels like a big moment and if it all turns to shit, I might not see any of you again.”

He looks each of his agents in the eye, their fear reflected back at him, and sniffs.

“You’re f—ing useless, the lot of you! Working with you has been the lowest point in a disappointing career,” he says before barking at one of the young agents to accompany him and warning the rest not to get themselves killed.

Oldman is spectacular as Lamb, the gaseous, miserable MI5 veteran who captains Slough House, a purgatory where the agency’s worst agents are sent to waste away the remainder of their careers after humiliating themselves, usually in novel and cringe-worthy ways.

One agent was exiled after forgetting a disc with sensitive information on a train. Another was an alcoholic who didn’t notice her supervisor was feeding information to the Russians for years, while a third was banished to Slough House simply for being an insufferable jerk.

Gary Oldman as Jackson Lamb, who oversees the purgatory for disgraced MI5 agents known as Slough House.

Regardless of the reasons, each of the agents at Slough House is determined to get back into the good graces of agency brass by redeeming themselves in service to king and country.

Or, as Mick Jagger puts it in the show’s catchy theme song, they want “to dance with the big boys again.”

To do that they must endure consistently brutal needling from Lamb and navigate the most mundane, least glamorous assignments. If a job is a lose-lose proposition, MI5 hands it over to the rejects of Slough House — the eponymous Slow Horses — figuring their already stained reputations can’t get much worse.

So when a secretive MI5 plot goes off the rails and the agency’s leaders need someone to take the fall, they serve up the Horses.

There’s just one problem: Lamb, for all his misery, disgusting habits and bone-dry British humor, is an exceptional agent with old-school skills, and the Horses themselves aren’t necessarily incompetent. Several were promising young agents of great skill who got railroaded or were collateral damage in political warfare.

When MI5 second-in-command Diana “Lady Di” Taverner (an icy Kristen Scott Thomas) decides the disgraced agents will be blamed for a major agency blunder, Lamb is aghast and warns her he won’t accept it.

“They’re losers,” he says, “but they’re my losers.”

When we meet them for the first time they’ve already been tagged for sacrifice to the media and public, but don’t know it yet.

And when it turns out that the case has real consequences — a young man will be beheaded on a live stream by extremists if their demands aren’t met — the Slow Horses, led by the acid-tongued Lamb, use every trick at their disposal in an attempt to rescue the innocent victim.

slowhorsesriversid — Jack Lowden as River Cartwright, left, and Olivia Cooke as Sid Barrett, center, disgraced agents of MI5. Credit: Apple TV

Slow Horses, like Luther and similar UK crime dramas, is a different animal than the bland, formulaic cop shows we’re accustomed to on this side of the pond.

Whether it’s Law and Order, the many incarnations of CSI and NCIS or shows like Chicago PD, the audience always knows a few things for sure: The case will be solved and the bad guys apprehended by the end of the hour, the police will be righteous and earnest, and favorite characters will never find themselves in real danger. Mariska Hargitay’s character will live another day to continue on in her third decade fighting crime. Chicago’s tough-talking detective Hank might be rough around the edges and bend a few rules, but he’s fundamentally a good guy on the side of justice.

The Slow Horses have no such pretenses, nor plot armor. They’re deeply flawed people and they’re not immune to bullets or bad luck.

The result humanizes the agents in a way other spy thrillers and crime shows never manage to accomplish with their own characters. When one of the Horses takes a bullet from a Russian agent or risks life and limb to protect the British public, there’s a real sense of tension because the show makes it clear not everyone survives.

The show’s writers also know when to dial it back with moments of genuine humor, separating Slow Horses from contemporary spy thrillers like Homeland, which — with apologies to Claire Danes — always took itself seriously.

Slow Horses: Taverner and Lamb — Kristen Scott Thomas as Diana “Lady Di” Taverner, MI5’s ruthless second-in-command, with Oldman as Jackson Lamb. Credit: Apple TV

As for Jagger, he signed on to write the show’s theme song with composer Daniel Pemberton because he’s a fan of the original Slow Horses novels by Mick Herron. While writing the lyrics, he said, the phrase “strange game” kept coming back to him. That became the title of the theme song and its primary hook. It’s an apt description of what MI5 agents are involved in as operators for a domestic agency that, unlike the American FBI, has the green light to involve itself in extensive subterfuge on home soil.

Slow Horses just finished airing its third season. A fourth has already been filmed and completed, a fifth is in production and a sixth season is currently in the adaptation/writing phase.

A production that runs like a finely tuned engine is appropriate for the series: each season is a taut six episodes, meaning there’s no filler and the tension does not let up on the gas pedal. With eight books and counting, there’s plenty more material to adapt, and if the response so far has been any indication — universal praise by critics and audiences in rare agreement — we’ll get to see every one of them make it to the small screen.

Title: Slow Horses
Network: Streaming (Apple TV)
Format: Series
Release date: April 2022 (season 1), December 2022 (season 2), November 2023 (season 3), TBA 2024 (season 4)

Verdict: All the paws up! When it comes to crime and spy thrillers it doesn’t get any better than this. Slow Horses is tense and humorous in precisely the right proportions, knows when not to take itself too seriously, and benefits from an incredibly talented cast to match its excellent writing. We highly recommend this show.

London Is Safe With Bella The MI5 Cat On Patrol

With her mesmerizing green eyes, supreme confidence and strong opinions, Bella has pawed her way into her humans’ hearts.

About a year after John Graham and his wife, Kathleen Birch, adopted Bella the Cat, they noticed she had an acquaintance — a genial neighborhood stray with a white-cream coat and black fur running from his back to his tail like a cloak.

Although she’s territorial like any member of her species and spends much of her time patrolling Grove Park — a quiet London neighborhood tucked into a winding loop of the Thames — Bella expressed no animosity toward the apparent intruder, and in fact seemed to be on quite friendly terms with him.

Graham and Birch, who like to joke that Bella is a clandestine agent of MI5 — Britain’s version of the FBI — dubbed the stray Bertie, and decided he was her field liaison.

“We think Bertie is her Mi5 contact and visits to get updates [before] returning to HQ to report on her field actions and mission status,” Graham quips.

After checking with the neighbors and bringing Bertie to the veterinarian, who said the stray was not chipped, Graham and Birch believe Bertie was likely abandoned by his previous family and eked out a living zig-zagging between homes in Grove Park, depending on the goodwill of neighbors and his own considerable charm for food. So they had Bertie chipped with their contact details about eight months ago, and now field agent and handler have been united under one safe house roof as they continue in His Majesty’s service.

Bertie and Bella even have their own WhatsApp group comprised of their humans and neighbors, who post to let each other know of the feline duo’s comings and goings.

Both cats are a source of great joy for Graham and Birch, who were looking to adopt again two years ago after the passing of their beloved Bets, who had been with them since kittenhood and lived to the ripe old age of 21.

Bella and John — Bella deciding she needs to be a lap cat for a little while in order to supervise John’s work. Credit: John Graham

After contacting a charity they support in Twickenham, the couple went out to meet a cat named Puss Puss at a foster’s home about three miles away.

“We walked in and sat down, and within literally a few seconds, she came out from under a table. My wife immediately fell in love with her as Puss Puss – now called Bella — rolled over and showed her belly with the loudest purrs ever,” Graham recalled. “She walked over to me and looked up with the most beautiful green eyes, allowing pets and scritches instantly. I was totally smitten. Her secret service training on overcoming any resistance was obvious here.”

Not much is known about Bella’s past, which Graham jokes is classified, but the fosters said Bella likely came from a hoarding situation. She bears some emotional scars from those times, making it clear she didn’t like to be picked up and wouldn’t tolerate head rubs. Graham said he thinks Bella may have been struck on the head by the abusive person or people who had custody of her originally, but with patience “she has grown to trust us and love us the way we love her.”

True to her training, Bella came striding out of her carrier that first day without need for coaxing and set about surveying her new headquarters, exploring while noting promising hideouts and lounging spots.

“She immediately checked out the perimeter as do all good Mi5 agents, looked around and began a sniffing and snooping journey for about an hour,” Graham said, “Then sitting in front of us on a low stool, she started shouting loudly, her default way of demanding food. This prompted me into action, offering her different dishes attempting to find her favourite. It turns out that she basically will eat anything.”

Indeed, Bella’s love of food is one of the few things that cause a bit of tension between her and her doting humans. She’s restricted to carefully measured wet food plus veterinarian-suggested “weight management crunchies” and, like many cats, is not shy about notifying her servants when the yums are low or the auto-feeder isn’t dispensing them. (In those instances, Bella hops up onto the bed and approaches the sleeping Graham: “I will get the gentle paw followed by the sharp claw to ensure I get the message to come and feed her immediately.”)

Bella at the Window — Bella on overwatch duty, making sure Grove Park remains quiet and free of interlopers. Credit: John Graham

Adopting a cat is always a guessing game. Will the cat relax and open up once she realizes she’s safe and has a home? Was he reserved when we met him because he’s been living in a shelter with unfamiliar sights and smells? Will she take to her new home immediately, or will she dive under a couch and remain there for weeks, emerging only to grab a bite from her bowl when no one’s around?

Those questions were immediately settled for Graham and Birch, and Bella’s outgoing personality is one of the things they love most about her, along with her supreme confidence.

“She has it in absolute truckloads,” Graham notes, “and there is pretty much no fear on her part about adventuring anywhere in or out of the house.”

While keeping cats indoors is the norm in the US, as many as nine in 10 caretakers in the UK allow their felines to spend time outdoors unsupervised, encouraging them to establish their territories, explore their gardens (backyards to us Americans) and familiarize themselves with their neighborhoods.

Many US shelters and rescues won’t allow potential adopters to take a cat home if they indicate they’re willing to let the kitty outside, and some even require adopters to sign contracts stating they’ll keep their four-legged friends indoors. UK cat rescues often take the opposite stance. They advise pet parents on how to gradually introduce their cats to the outdoors, offer tips on how to manage their outside time and recommend various pet flap configurations.

The difference is partly cultural and partly practical. While extolling the benefits of allowing cats to roam, UK cat lovers point out that domestic felines rarely stray far from their homes, on average venturing only between 40 and 200 meters (about 130 to 650 feet). They’re curious, which drives them to explore, but also territorial, which keeps them on a figurative leash.

There’s also a marked difference in wild threats to domestic cats. In the US, cats are vulnerable to pumas (also known as mountain lions and cougars), coyotes and a wide variety of birds of prey, from eagles, harriers and hawks to condors, osprey and even some larger species of owl. The UK does not have pumas, despite local legends to the contrary, nor does it have coyotes. Foxes, the smaller cousins of coyotes, and some birds of prey do pose a threat, but not to the extent that the wildlife of the Americas does.

“Yes, I’ll just settle down here for a nap whilst I wait on your report to HRH.” Bertie joined Bella about eight months ago and now they both live under one roof. Credit: John Graham

For Graham, allowing his cats outside fosters their independent streak and allows them — or Bella, at least — to exercise their hunting impulses. Bertie isn’t known for his predatory prowess, but Bella is a pro at catching mice.

The local neighborhood is quiet, traffic is strictly limited to 20 mph, and the neighbors know each other well, often using their WhatsApp groups to track their kids in addition to cats.

In fact, if Bella could speak, Graham reckons she’d thank him for providing a home in a tranquil locale — and for never closing doors in their home.

What else would she say?

Graham says it’s obvious: “Glad that you understand the difference between my requests and my orders – you took a while.” She’d also likely chide the couple on their ineptitude as hunters, declaring Graham and Birch “are both rubbish at catching mice and rats despite how many times I show you how to do it.”

For Graham, the managing director of a London brand agency, and Birch, a skin care therapist, sharing their home with cats feels natural, and they cherish the unpredictable nature and playfulness of their feline friends. Cognizant of the fact that black cats are less likely to find homes, they prefer adopting melanistic house panthers like Bets, their previous cat, and Bella.

“I totally love all animals but as residents in our house, cats fit perfectly being clean, highly intelligent and able to manipulate any situation with an expression or display of love,” Graham says. “My favourite thing about Bella is when she surprisingly sits on my lap and the mystery when she hides in unlikely places causing me to rush around desperately trying to find her, not coming out even when I am shaking a treat bag.”

Bella will allow the game to drag out “until she decides to appear with her ‘I win’ look and swagger.”

Feline love is often hard-won, but that makes it worth it. In discussing Bella, it’s clear Graham lives for the moments when the independent-minded kitty decides to let him know how much he means to her by sleeping at the food of the bed, playing her hide-and-seek games and climbing into his lap.

Bella and Bertie may not be regular lap cats, but that’s okay with Graham and Birch.

“So there you have it,” Graham said. “Two cats that come and go as they please with occasional signs of affection, but get nothing apart from permanent love and affection from us.”