Ari Gold – Pain In The Bud

Buddy Wins Oscar For Star Turn As Starving Cat

Critics and audiences alike have raved about the feline’s convincing performance as a cat who hasn’t eaten in minutes, possibly even hours.

LOS ANGELES – Buddy the Cat sat on the coffee table, shoulders drooped, gaze fixed on his human.

With a faint, high-pitched mew and a slight quiver of his mouth, his sad eyes seemed to grow even bigger as he watched his pal take a bite of cheese.

“It’s as if he’s saying ‘Et tu, Big Buddy? Don’t we do everything together? Where is Buddy’s snack?'” the normally savage film critic Anthony Lane said. “I’m man enough to admit this scene made me weep.”

Lane wasn’t alone in expressing that sentiment, and as rave reviews continued to pour in, praise for the gray tabby cat’s performance morphed into Oscar buzz, creating a sense of inevitability.

Now Buddy has a new prize for his shelf to display alongside his Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest championship belt, his national bowling trophies and his World Series ring. He’s the first cat to win the Academy Award for Best Actor, cementing his legacy as a master thespian.

“The way he inhabits the role of a starving cat is nothing short of remarkable,” said Christy Lemire, the longtime film critic for the Associated Press. “Logically, my mind knows this is a feline who has never missed a snack, let alone a meal. He’s chubby, sedentary and I doubt he can entirely groom himself. And yet his performance is so committed, so all-encompassing, that I can actually see a starving cat. His acting chops are phenomenal, generational even.”

Those close to the mercurial tabby say he is a method actor who remains in character even when the cameras are not rolling.

“He had me absolutely convinced he was on the verge of starving to death,” said one longtime friend of Big Buddy, Buddy the Cat’s human servant. “I said, ‘What have you been doing to this poor cat?’ The little guy barely has the energy to walk, and his meow is imbued with a deep sorrow, the kind of sadness that can only come from hours of being deprived of snacks.”

A woman who gave only her first name, Melissa, lives two doors down from the Buddies. She sheepishly admitted to breaking into Casa de Buddy to feed the feline while his human was out.

“His meows are tortured,” Melissa said. “I began to wonder: does my neighbor ever feed his cat? Should I call Cat Protective Services?”

Upon entering the apartment and getting her first proper look at Buddy, Melissa said she was taken aback.

“I was expecting skin and bones, not fur and flab.”

Still, Buddy’s performance was so convincing that Melissa said she cooked two thick pieces of filet mignon for the little guy, which he quickly devoured.

“He inhaled them, belched and immediately meowed insistently for more,” she recalled. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Later, she said, she spoke to another neighbor who said she’d fed Buddy meatballs, deli meats and roast turkey that same day.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Buddy is currently considering half a dozen new scripts, including one about a starving cat who goes to space and a Western about a starving cat who has been framed for murder.

“He’s not afraid of being typecast,” said his agent, Ari Gold. “This is his wheelhouse. Fans can’t wait to see what he eats next.”

‘My Cat’s Cat,’ PLUS: Bobby Flay Says Goodbye To Nacho

A man in Guam now has two cats after his little buddy adopted his own little buddy.

Last year we wrote about Youtuber Estefannie and her attempts to DIY a sophisticated artificial intelligence-enabled bathroom for her cat Teddy and her “cat’s cat,” Luna, after the former racked up a $3,000 vet bill prompted by an incorrigible plastic-munching habit.

One of the problems, Estefannie explained in her entertaining video on the building and coding process, was that Luna was “technically not my cat, this is Teddy-Bear’s cat.” Luna “uses the same litter box as Teddy,” so Estefannie had to train a machine learning algorithm for the high tech bathroom’s cameras to distinguish between felines.

I’ve always been fascinated by the phenomenon of “cat’s cats,” meaning stray cats who are adopted by la vida loca-living kittypets to share in their warmth, yums and human servantry.

“You gotta move in, Stripes,” I can imagine a well-fed moggie telling a stray buddy. “The service is great, the food is out of this world and the ambience? Oh, the ambience!”

In those cases, the stray usually follows the housecat right into their new home, which is what happened when Christian Fleming’s cat, Little, came back with a friend.

“I was surprised the cat came inside, initially,” said Fleming, who lives in Guam. “But if he’s hungry enough to be that brave, I wasn’t going to begrudge the food.”

Little, left, and his new friend Tedo. Credit: Christian Fleming

Little, left, and his new buddy Tedo. Credit: Christian Fleming

Fleming named the new cat Tedo and told Newsweek he’s “90 percent sure he used to be someone’s pet or they left him, which is largely the case with friendly strays out here.” Guam is a US territory in the Pacific, about 1,450 miles east of the Philippines, and to say it’s got a stray cat and dog problem is an understatement, with tens of thousands of homeless animals.

One local veterinarian called the problem “astronomical” in an article for the Pacific Daily News, pointing out there more than 60,000 dogs alone on the 210 square mile island. By contrast there are 168,000 people living in Guam, meaning there’s more than one dog per three people. Cats similarly run rampant, although estimates of their population are harder to pin down.

There’s been a strong effort to spay and neuter in recent years, but local veterinary groups have a massive job in front of them to get the Micronesian island’s domestic animal population under control and reduce the suffering of unwanted cats and dogs.

Tedo is one of the lucky ones and has settled down nicely in his new digs. He’s adjusted to indoor life, regular meals and feeling protected with Little and Fleming, who says he now has “a small herd following me around” in his home.

“He has since gotten braver and more comfortable,” Fleming said. “When he jumped on me to snuggle with Little, I knew he had decided to live here.”

RIP Nacho

I’m not a fan of gastronomical fetishism, the concept of celebrity chefs or the idea that watching someone else eating food on television counts as entertainment, but I do respect Bobby Flay for two things: he’s a cat guy and he had a hilarious cameo in HBO’s Entourage in which he enraged high-powered agent Ari Gold by dating Mrs. Ari while the two were separated.

Flay, who has been the star of more than 20 cooking shows (not including specials) on the Food Network and Cooking Channel, saw the potential for profit in the pet food market and launched Made By Nacho in 2021, naming the food line after his little buddy.

Sadly the photogenic Maine Coon died this week, Flay announced in an Instagram post. Nacho was only nine years old and while that may seem a tragically young age for a cat to die — and it’s tragic any time someone’s beloved pet passes away — Maine Coons lose in lifespan what they gain in size, living an average of 10 to 13 years compared to the 13 to 18 year life expectancy of domestic felines in general.

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Flay used the occasion of his cat’s death to hawk his outrageously expensive pet food line, which is weird. In his goodbye post, Flay wrote that “Nacho’s inclusiveness in our home inspired me to create something that would nourish cats everywhere.” Everywhere meaning houses where people don’t mind paying $3 for a 3oz can. (We don’t endorse any particular brand at PITB but Bud’s wet food, which always has real meat as the first ingredient and doesn’t include grain or fillers, costs 51 cents per meal when bought in bulk from Chewy.)

Cat food issues aside, Flay’s undoubtedly grieving his well-loved little friend, and although he recently adopted two more cats, that’s little consolation for losing a feline you’ve loved and bonded with. Best of luck to the Flay family and RIP Nacho.

Thundercats Reboot Delayed As Star Buddy Feuds With Producers

Buddy the Cat is demanding to play the heroic Lion-O instead of Snarf, the comedic relief of the show.

LOS ANGELES — The new reboot of beloved 80s cartoon Thundercats was thrown into limbo on Monday after one of its stars, Buddy the Cat, accused studio executives of lying to him about his role.

Thundercats follows a group of “catlike humanoid aliens” who flee their dying home world, Thundera, to settle on a new planet called Third Earth. Led by the heroic Lion-O, the Thundercats encounter a dire threat on their new world — a powerful sorcerer named Mumm-Ra who commands the magic of the Ancient Spirits of Evil.

Buddy the Cat inked the deal believing he was to star as the gallant, brave and muscular hero Lion-O, his agents said. but studio executives said they’d always planned for Buddy to play the doughy and cowardly Snarf, who often serves as comic relief.

“Buddy is a leading man, er, cat,” his principle agent, Ari Gold, said. “When the producers said they loved him for the role, Buddy had no reason to believe they envisioned him as anyone other than Lion-O.”

But the studio and production team had always intended for the gray tabby cat to play Snarf, showrunner Trey Parker said.

“Buddy is the quintessential Snarf: An amusing little butterball whose silly antics bring a touch of humor to the show,” Parker said. “We needed someone believably heroic go play Lion-O, someone who is powerful and ripped. That’s why we went with Maru, the famous Youtube cat.”

maru — *Producers chose Maru for the role of the heroic Lion-O.*

Fan reaction was swift and condemnatory.

“How dare you cast anyone other than Buddy to play Lion-O, or suggest he’s not muscular and ripped enough for the role,” one angry fan said in a voicemail. “I’m totally ripp…I mean, Buddy is totally ripped! He IS Lion-O.”

Production on the new series remained stalled, with Buddy refusing to exit his trailer until the casting kerfuffle has been resolved.

“Buddy has indicated he’d compromise,” Gold said. “He’s willing to play the role of Tygra, if the producers are willing to show flexibility by making Tygra the leader of the Thundercats. The box is in their court.”