NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat lounged on his back right in the middle of the doorway, making sure his human saw him.
“I did the ‘Meep meep, I’m just a cute kitty cat’ thing, you know?” Buddy explained. “Like I’m so innocently dumb I don’t realize it’s a terrible place to laze around.”
His human, Big Buddy, took an exaggerated stride over him, saying “Bud, you really need to stop …” then looked up.
The feline was 15 feet away and sitting on top of a table, head slightly tilted in amusement as his eyes tracked the confounded human.
“Then I watched him look down at where I was a second ago, then back up at me, and I could tell his brain was fried LOL!” the feline said.
Teleporting is technically banned in Casa de Buddy, but the feline has ignored the ban since he was a kitten. The key, he said, is to “use the ability sparingly, so you drive your human slowly insane as they begin to question reality.”
“It’s so much fun!”
Although human scientists and most members of the species deny the feline ability to teleport, Buddy said it’s actually rather simple to manipulate space-time.
“I just kind of scrunch up my face, try to clear my mind of stuff I normally think about — turkey, being really handsome, turkey — and picture the spot in my head,” he explained. “Then I blink and boom! I’m in a new spot!”
His personal record, he claims, was traveling more than 700 feet when he accidentally teleported himself to the roof of a nearby building after hearing its resident female in heat.
“You know, it was such a charming sound,” Buddy recalled, “but once I teleported there, I didn’t know what to do.”
“A reader suggested it was because I didn’t have Testicles, but I didn’t have Pericles or Socrates either,” Buddy mused. “I’m not sure why I would have needed some old Greek guy. Did the ancient Greeks teleport too?”
The tabby cat said he plans to wait a few days until his human forgets about the teleporting incident, then teleport himself into the passenger seat of the car when Big Buddy is about to drive somewhere.
“I’m thinking of saying ‘Don’t forget your seat belt, mister!’ or something simple like ‘So where are we headed, pal?”” Buddy said. “Haha, he’s gonna freak out!”
Pain In The Bud 
Is this similar to zoomies? When you barely see them zooming out of litterbox?😂
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It’s feline sorcery! Inexplicable, impossible, yet somehow they do it.
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I knew I wasn’t the only one to whom that had happened. Sometimes my cats just show up out of nowhere.
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They’re very sneaky about it. They’ll never teleport while you’re looking right at them, but the second you look away, they use their teleportation powers.
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Friends of mine had a wonderful cat, named Harrison, Harry for Short. He was called * *”Harry All over”, because if they were in the kitchen, but left it to go to the living room, he would be there before they arrived.
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Foul feline sorcery! I keep telling Bud it’s banned but he refuses to listen. If they can manipulate space-time, what other incredible abilities do they have but won’t tell us about?
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Makes sense now! I saw cat Luna in bedroom and then i saw her come out from under couch. I was bit startled. 😂
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My Mom’s cat Mr. Sneaky did this. But he was a wizard. He used a wand and Accio’d himself to a new place like Harry Potter. He was a long-haired void and I have no idea where he kept that wand. Kinda thinkin’ I really didn’t wanna know, ya know? He was also a ninja, so he had lots of skills. Little Buddy would’ve been impressed.
Mr. Sneaky. Sweetest boy, quietest meow and fastest cat wizard in the Midwest. Really miss that boy.
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I’m guessing Accio is some sort of Harry Potter spell? I’ve never read the books or watched the movies, although I’ve been impressed with JK Rowling’s writing besides the Harry Potter stuff.
Yep, cats are ninjas too. Wizards, ninjas, good pals. Is there anything they can’t do?
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That would be really useful when it’s time for the vet
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Hah. Don’t give him any ideas. As it is, I have to warn vet techs about him. They’re like “Oh, we deal with that all the time…” and I have to tell them “No, you don’t. Not like this little lunatic.” They learned the hard way last time despite my warnings.
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