Buddy The Cat Offers The World Cuddles: ‘In These Times Of Strife, People Need Hugs’

“I’ve noticed everyone’s super stressed lately,” Buddy said. “People need hugs. I’m fluffy and adorable. It’s the perfect solution.”

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat announced the launch of a new program, Hugs From Buddy, to “help the humans calm down a little bit, because things have gotten crazy.”

The normally mercurial tabby cat, whose concerns are typically limited to his own gastronomical satisfaction with meals and snacks, said he had the idea for Hugs From Buddy after watching the movie Civil War with his human and seeing footage of police and students clashing on college campuses.

“The world is crazy right now,” Buddy told reporters at a press conference in Manhattan. “War in Ukraine, Haiti, Gaza and Syria. People punching strangers on the street for Youtube ‘pranks.’ Protesters and police clashing. People threatening to kill one another, banning books they haven’t even read, Karening each other in the grocery store, brawling on passenger flights. Even dogs, bless those simple-minded beings, seem stressed!”

Buddy the Handsome Cat
Buddy the Cat is offering hugs to anyone who needs them!

Buddy paused to address a bystander who was holding a pepperoni pizza.

“You gonna eat that? Here, give Buddy a slice, I’ll give you a hug,” he said, embracing the young woman before returning to the podium with a slice of pizza.

“Where was I?” he asked, chewing thoughtfully. “Oh! Right. The crazy, stressed out humans.”

He belched, then continued.

“I’m here today to offer myself up as the nation’s emotional support animal. If you’re in need of a hug or a snuggle, well, Little Buddy’s got you covered.”

Then he looked to the reporters, who were seated six or seven rows deep for the press conference.

“Look under your seats!” he said excitedly as the journalists mumbled in surprise, finding small gift-wrapped boxes there. “You, the young lady from CBS News! You get a hug! You, the angry guy from InfoWars! You get a hug! BBC, you get a hug too! You all get hugs!”

Hugs From Buddy
A print advertisement for the new Hugs From Buddy campaign.

The press conference was supplemented with an announcement of a $20 million television ad buy publicizing the Hugs From Buddy program, as well as a new site where the angry and stressed can log on, request a hug from Buddy, and make travel arrangements to bring him to their cities.

Reaction to the announcement was mixed.

A panel on Real Time with Bill Mahar concluded Buddy was sincere, trying to be helpful, and “absolutely adorable.”

But in a statement issued later Friday, catnip cartel Los Gatos International accused the New York feline of “shameless self-promotion, which he will undoubtedly parlay into goodwill for his own catnip empire,” while former Fox News host Tucker Carlson declared Buddy a threat to national security.

“Buddy the Cat is a dangerous tiger in kitten’s clothing,” Carlson declared on his X show as a chyron scrolled below with the headline: “IS BUDDY THE CAT WORKING FOR TERRORISTS?”

Tucker Carlson: Buddy A Bad Guy?
Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson wasn’t convinced of the feline’s supposedly noble intentions.

“You might say Buddy the Cat is a danger to America, softening us up at precisely the time when we need to be tough to fight China, North Korea, Iran, the school board of Boise, Idaho, Taylor Swift, and the WNBA,” Carlson said, pounding a fist on his desk. “Up next, a conversation with Nick Fuentes. But first: Is Buddy the Cat a Chinese operative? Is he an agent of anti-American cat ladies who want us all to be hummus-eating vegans? Why does he ignore the beauty of the Moscow subway system? And is there any truth to the rumor that he’s working with the San-Ti from 3 Body Problem to help them invade Earth? Just asking questions here, folks. Nothing wrong with that.”

19 thoughts on “Buddy The Cat Offers The World Cuddles: ‘In These Times Of Strife, People Need Hugs’”

  2. Ok, wait a minute. I thought Buddy absolutely hates hugs. Like he’s NO TOUCHY when you try to give him one. Did Big Buddy put something in Little Bud’s turkey or something? This is something the world is desperate to know! 🙀

    Now, if you were talking about my boy Archie, I’d totally believe it. He’s a super love whore and loves getting hugs, lubs (love), head scratches, belly rubs, etc. He’d be in heaven if he could give everyone a hug.

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    1. You’re right, I can’t just pick him up and hug him. He definitely does not tolerate the kind of handling I’ve seen other cats tolerate.

      However…him hugging me? Totally cool. He’ll pad up to me while purring, lay on my chest, rub his face against my forehead and lay down in my arms.

      It has to be his idea, according to whatever weird feline psychology governs these things.

      Archie sounds more reasonable. That’s a great name for a cat, by the way!

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  3. I am very touched by Little Buddy’s charming offer of Hugs for Everyone. I’d be willing to bring snacks and catnip as an offering of appreciation for a hug from the Bud. Good idea, little guy!

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  9. I am embarrassed to admit that I saw Tucker Carlson on a Jimmy Dore Show and I found out that he isn’t the way he is portrayed and I like him!

    He would probably support Buddy’s Hugs program.

    I’m not watching any of the independent journalists I support right now because it all got too much for me: Gaza, Ukraine, Julian Assange…

    I need a Hug from Buddy.

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    1. I agree, it’s depressing. I’ve been trying to spend more time reading books and working on my own writing instead of reading news. It’s healthier mentally.

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      2. I genuinely appreciate that, Susan. I’m working on two stories that have been kicking around in my head for some time. One is a science fiction story with heavy animal conservation themes and a Jainist-inspired effort to protect the last animals from extinction, and the other is initially dressed in the tropes of fantasy fiction but blossoms into much more than that via what I hope will be an absolutely bonkers reveal.

        But that’s about all I can say at the moment because they’re both very much in progress and could change significantly. I kind of ping-pong between the two of them as they have different energy, but I’ll have to pick a lane soon and commit to finishing one of them first.

        The science fiction story prominently features two big cats as major characters, so it’s on-brand. 🙂

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