Dear Buddy: How Much For Buddy?

Dear Buddy the Greater,

I would like to purchase Buddy the Lesser. Is he for sale? If so, how many rubles will it take to pry him away from you?

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewtin, presidential cat of Glorious Motherland


Dear Vladimir,

I may be willing to part with him, but we don’t take rubles, just good old ‘Merican greenbacks here! I’m warning you, the price will be steep, but if you’re serious, I think we can work out a deal.

Buddy


Dearest Buddy,

My heart sang with the glory of Mother Russia when I read your correspondence. Would $50,000 be acceptable recompense for parting with Buddy the Lesser? Also, what does he eat? Is he an affectionate cuddler? Does he like to play games?

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewtin, presidential cat of Glorious Motherland


Vlady,

I thought you were serious, dude. Pretend this is eBay and the starting bid is $200,000.

Buddy the Lesser is a vegetarian and has been for more than six years now. He’s more or less affectionate, and he does play games, sometimes too much. I don’t like it when he’s on the computer and the only scritches to be had are absent-minded scritches.

Holler at me if you got the cash,

Buddy


Dearest Buddy,

How is this possible? A cat who is a vegetarian? I am most happy to learn he is affectionate and he enjoys games, but surely no feline can subsist and remain healthy on vegetables and fruits alone. I cannot pay $200,000 for a cat in good conscience if he’s likely to be malnourished, no matter how dashing and handsome he is.

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewton


Vlady,

No, no, no! I’m the cat. Buddy the Greater, aka Little Buddy. That’s me. You asked about Buddy the Lesser, aka Big Buddy. That’s my human. I assure you, I eat nothing but the finest turkey and other meats, but I am not for sale!

Now you have to understand, any deal we strike will have to include a replacement human to see to my own needs, okay Vlady? Don’t try to pull a fast one on me either: I want an American human who understands meows in American, is easily manipulated by my yowling and takes his servantly duties seriously.

depositphotos_302725170-stock-photo-portrait-young-beautiful-woman-cup

(Above: Acceptable.)

I don’t have time to teach the American language to a Russian servant, nor am I inclined to instruct a Russian in the subtleties of American meowing. Unless…unless we’re talking about female Russians, gorgeous women with names like Alina, Tatiana and Katya who will spoil me, feed me candied figs and allow me to use their bosoms as pillows. That might be kinda cool.

No Siberia either! Tatiana must come to New York, or Novvy Yorkova as you call it.

Let me know if those terms are amenable to you.

Buddy


Vlady,

Where’d you go, dude? Dammit, why does everyone cut off contact when I try to sell my human?

13 thoughts on “Dear Buddy: How Much For Buddy?”

  1. 不不不不不不My cat must of been thinking the same when i took him off my puzzle on table.But it was a cat puzzle!! I guess now i have to give him two Churros.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Frank has a suggestion:
    “Hey, Buddy, you could save all this confusion by changing Big Buddy’s name! I’m partial to Mittens myself, but you could always call him Fluffy…”

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Bella says yes she will take any offer for me as there is still another human in the house that can open food, provide treats and keep her napping spots clean…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bad Bella! John dotes on you and sings your praises!

      Of course we joke about this, but last night I put my coat on because I was cold even with the heater on (been feeling under the weather) and Bud bolted upright, looking at me with alarm like “Dude, where are you going? I don’t want you to go out!”

      Cats are very good at making it look like they’re indifferent but they’re softies at heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hope you feel better soon!
        I have not been very good since end of January, last month they diagnosed me with a pericardia (goodness knows how I got that!) anyway Puspus has not left my side and even sleeps under the covers curled up against me! and this was a feral cat I adopted (still feral) a year and a half ago!
        Cats rock.

        Liked by 2 people

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