“What, you want me to read from this script? Ugh. Okay. ‘Merry Christmas from the Buddies big and small! May you have a happy and joyful day as you sit in lockdown eating your TV dinners!’ I know that’s not what it says! I’m improvising! No, you shut up, Big Bud! Ahem. ‘May our readers be grateful for life in this time of…’ Ya know what? Forget it. You didn’t bribe me with enough treats to stand here wrapped in these stupid lights. No, I am NOT wearing that reindeer hat! No! If you put it on me, I’ll claw you! Back off!”
“Cat shaming” can include photos of cats with handwritten signs listing their crimes, or it can be as simple as photos of cats in action, doing what they do best. Like this little guy, who is presented with evidence of his malfeasance and responds with a look that says: “Yep. I did that shit!”
“Yep, that was me. I thought you’d admire the precise cut and clawmanship on display in this piece.”
Or this cat, who waited until the coast was clear to hop up on the kitchen counter and turn a bowl of rice into an improvised litter box:
“Not a litter box, you say? It is now!”
Then there’s the classic cat-shaming, the handwritten signs confessing things like “I gave all the furniture the distressed look,” or “I folded the carpet over my poop to make a poop sandwich, then sat on it”:
There’s even a variety of cat-shaming calendars:
I don’t have a good cat-shaming photo to hand. I know I’ve got at least one of Bud caught red-handed as he’s scratching the couch, laying there frozen with his paw against the fabric and a “This isn’t what it looks like!” look on his face. It’s likely in the bowels of an old hard drive in a folder of unsorted photos, so I’ll have to do some hunting.
Aside from infrequently scratching the couch (even though he’s got a massive tower scratcher and he uses it all the time), Buddy’s biggest “crime” is his unwavering commitment to swiping every moveable object off of all existing flat surfaces at home.
We’ve reached an uneasy sort of truce in which I don’t hassle him about swiping less important, usually unbreakable stuff — like bottles of water or hand sanitizer — as long as he doesn’t swipe anything fragile. And by fragile, he seems to understand objects made of hard material with a bit of heft to them are not to be swiped. For the most part he gets it.
So, my friends: What about your cats? How do they misbehave?
Sharing the derpiest photos of your cat(s) has become the new viral trend.
The hashtag #unflatteringcatphotochallenge has been trending on Twitter and Instagram the past few days, and Buddy’s not one to let an opportunity go by.
Here’s a derpy and surprised-looking Buddy:
Here’s a loafing, chubby-looking Buddy:
Here’s an out-of-focus, annoyed-looking, panting Buddy:
Here’s baby Buddy looking like he’s a strangled muppet:
To say cats hate baths would be a spectacular understatement.
Julie’s comment on our last post about cat photos got me thinking: I haven’t given Buddy a bath since he was a kitten.
There are a few good reasons: Many veterinarians don’t think it’s necessary if the cat doesn’t go outdoors, doesn’t have any flea problems and doesn’t come into contact with potential toxins. A short-haired indoor cat who is healthy and flexible enough to thoroughly groom himself doesn’t need bathing, according to trusted animal organizations like the ASPCA.
Unless your cat is a rescue off the street, unable to groom herself or is one of the “hairless” breeds — like a Sphinx — caretakers should “absolutely not” bathe their cats, feline guru Jackson Galaxy agrees.
Not a happy camper: Most domestic cats loathe baths. (Credit)
Since Buddy is young and healthy, and the little guy was always seriously distressed by taking a bath, I decided not to put him through the stress. Fear of water may seem ridiculous to us humans, but for cats it’s a big deal.
He does a good job grooming himself, I’ve never detected any odor on him, and perhaps most importantly I’d need heavy gloves, a plastic mask and a family size tube of antimicrobial ointment for the inevitable wounds in places where I’m not heavily armored.
I am, however, open to feedback. Are there good reasons why I should be bathing Bud? Have I been too eager to accept the anti-cat-bathing argument because I don’t want to get soaked and scratched by an angry cat? Am I being negligent by not bathing him?
If you do advocate bathing cats, how often do you bathe your own little buddies, and how do handle the ordeal?
Cats may be stoic, but not when it comes to enduring baths. (Credit)
I’ve never watched The Princess Diaries, but apparently the movie features a scene in which Sandra Oh picks up the phone and says:
“Gupta. Mmm-hmmm. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. The Queen is coming.”
Why that’s worth replicating is beyond me, but apparently there’s a new trend among Tik Tokers to replicate the scene using cats in place of a phone, while holding the cats upside-down and promptly dumping them on the floor immediately afterward.
Why? Who the hell knows.
Above: Idiots reenacting a scene from The Princess Diaries using their cats as “phones.” The woman on the right is internet-famous Youtuber Colleen Ballinger.
You can see the bizarre cat-phoning Tik Toks here:
Say it with me now: “Cats are not toys. Cats are not toys. Cats are not toys…”
Veterinarian Dr. Jessica May told Business Insider the obvious, which is that cats aren’t enjoying their forced participation in this meme:
“Many are handled roughly and their body language shows a negative response to having been picked up,” she said. “It is especially concerning to see some cats being held upside down — something that is not only very frightening for the animal but that also puts the pet at risk of head injury if dropped.”
May said she’s also concerned by the way the Tik-Tokers are dropping their cats immediately afterward with no concern for their well-being.
People reenacting the same scene using dogs aren’t manhandling them or just dropping them like a phone, noted Paula Stewart of the Animal Talent Agency.
“I can’t imagine many people holding a dog upside down,” said Stewart. “But I think that we need to realize that animals, cats and dogs are sentient beings. They’ve got emotions like us and we shouldn’t treat them badly.”
It should go without saying, but using Tik-Tok is a bad idea anyway unless you fancy China’s communist government gaining access to your personal information, which is exactly what people are providing by using the service.
Finally, if I was the kind of fool who thought this was funny and tried to reenact it, Buddy would tear my face off.
And you know what? He’d be perfectly right to do so. He’s a sentient animal, not a toy.
“Gupta. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmmm. The King is coming, and he’s going to tear your face apart for being a jackass.”
“You don’t want to tangle with these talons, bro.”
Pain In The Bud 