Buddy – Page 42 – Pain In The Bud

Floppy Fish II: The Floppening

If your cat is terrified by Floppy Fish, use it as a Ssscat to protect your stuff from getting swiped to the floor!

I promised an update on Buddy and his new Floppy Fish toy, confident he would get over his trepidation and start playing with it eventually. More than half a dozen attempts later I’ve succeeded only in making him more skittish.

Our readers will recall Buddy got his first look at his new toy last week, and he was terrified of it.

He stepped back warily as I flipped the on switch and placed the flopping fish on the floor. When it stopped thrashing — which it does after a few seconds to save battery life, relying on a motion sensor to tell it to move again — Buddy slowly, cautiously edged his way over.

With a wary eye on the toy fish, Buddy gave it a nudge with his paw, then jumped back as it sprang to life again, making a mechanical SWISH-SWISH sound as it thrashed.

I tried to get him interested in the fish the next day and again the following night. It was late. Buddy hopped up to the coffee table and padded over to me, nuzzling me with his cheeks in hello.

He’s relaxed, I thought. Good opportunity to try the fish again!

I should have kept the power off. He wasn’t playing with the fish, but he wasn’t hissing at it or running away.

Stupidly I allowed impatience to get the better of me. I switched it on, and he freaked out and ran away. After that he wouldn’t even go near the thing even as it sat dormant. He probably thinks it’s like Ssscat, the motion-triggered compressed air spray that startles cats to keep them off kitchen counter tops, tables and other surfaces.

Come to think of it, maybe I can find a use for the fish yet. If I want to protect a fragile item on a flat surface, all I need to do is place the fish in front of it and Bud will never go near the thing. 🙂

A Cat’s Revenge!

“You think I’m funny? What, like a clown?”

Back in July I wrote a humor post about Buddy “generously grooming” me while I slept:

“It was early and I hadn’t started meowing into my human’s ear at 106 decibels yet,” Buddy recalled. “Big Buddy looked so peaceful as he snoozed, so I decided I’d let him sleep and catch up on grooming myself.”

It was then that the spirit of altruism struck the normally selfish gray tabby cat.

“As I was licking my butt I thought, ‘Buddy, why are you being so selfish? Doesn’t your caring human deserve a little grooming too?’ So I stopped licking my butt and started grooming Big Buddy’s face with my tongue. Got it nice and clean while he slept, so he wouldn’t have to wash when he woke up.”

Satisfied with a job well done, Buddy hopped off the bed, walked to the corner of the bedroom and stepped through the flap of his litter box for his 8 am bowel movement.

After burying his business like a gentleman, the considerate cat quietly climbed back into bed.

“I looked over and realized I’d missed a spot right on Big Buddy’s lip,” Little Buddy recalled. “I’m nothing if not thorough and a perfectionist, so I promptly corrected my mistake, licking my human’s lip clean.”

It is, of course, completely disgusting and precisely the sort of dry, absurdist humor typical of this blog. Readers can draw comfort from the fact that their own cats, whatever their faults or annoying habits, don’t groom their humans’ lips. Because that would be gross.

As for me and Bud, well, he mostly contented himself to grooming my beard. The problem? I shaved it off just the other day.

So last night I was a dreaming a dream whose details have faded from memory, but one thing remains distinct: In my dream, fat wet raindrops began to fall on my face and lips.

I woke with a start to find Buddy grooming my chin, lips and right cheek, blurted out an “Ugh, Bud!” and vigorously wiped my mouth dry with a tissue.

I can unfortunately confirm it’s not nearly as funny when it really happens to you.

Buddy Demands A More Epic Name

Buddy wants a name that better reflects his personality.

NEW YORK — After seeing photos of Gandalf, a tabby who grew a magnificent coat worthy of his namesake after he was rescued, Buddy the Cat demanded a more epic name on Monday, sources said.

“Look at this one,” Buddy said, waving a paw at an Instagram page for Grolgoth the Unstoppable, a four-year-old tuxedo from Skokie, Illinois.

“Or even something like this guy,” Buddy scrolled to a photo of a pantherine black cat named Razorclaw. “Why can’t I be a Razorclaw, a Duke Destructo or an Ares the Annihilator? Come to think of it, what the heck is a Buddy?”

The annoyed cat looked up the definition of his name, becoming even more perturbed at the Miriam-Webster entry:

Screenshot_2020-11-24 Definition of buddy Dictionary com

“What am I, a furry little toddler? I mean come on!”

“I mean, you could’ve named me something awesome like Brutus the Bone Cruncher,” Buddy complained to his human, Big Buddy. “Or Maximus! Or…or Steel Fang!”

(Above: Gandalf a year ago when he was rescued, left, and Gandalf now with his badass beard.)

As of press time, Buddy’s human reminded him that even his own toys terrify him, and the last time he got scared, he hid behind Big Buddy’s leg and cried.

“Those are false allegations!” Buddy said. “Retract them, or I shall poop in your shoes when you least expect it!”

Modern Box Magazine: December 2020!

Modern Box: The magazine for discerning felines.

Modern Box Monthly’s December issue will hit newsstands today, with editor-in-chief Buddy promising a boxstravaganza for our loyal readers! Plus: Investigative Eater Tux digs in to new yums, while our box reviewers preview the boxes your humans’ likely presents will come in! ‘Tis the season for boxes!

Cat Toy Review: Floppy Fish

The Floppy Fish has been a big hit with other cats. How will the Budster respond to it?

The toy: Floppy Fish, a rechargeable, lithium-ion battery powered soft toy fish that flops around to simulate the behavior of real fish and trigger cats’ predatory instincts.

Price: Between $15 and $25 online and in pet stores. The toy is sold as Floppy Fish, Flippity Fish, Floppy Fishy, Fish Cat Kicker and other names. Some come with catnip and a pouch inside the fish for “infusing” the toy with the ‘nip.

The cat: Buddy

The result: After charging the fish with its included charging cable, I located the on switch and set the fish on the floor, where it started doing its flopping thing.

A cautious but curious Buddy approached. I could see the gears turning in his head: “What is this thing? Is it for me? It must be. Big Buddy placed it on the floor and called to me, and now he’s looking expectantly at me.

But…it’s scary! Look at it flipping and flopping! That’s terrifying! Oh man. I don’t like the sound it’s making. Look, it’s getting closer! Run!

Okay. Safe distance. It’s stopped flopping. Now I can approach, give it a sniff, maybe slap it with my paw and…

It’s moving again!!! RUN!!!

Is this what salmon is like? I don’t think I can ever eat fish again. Who knew they were such terrifying monsters?

I have to hide. It should be all right if I come out in an hour, right?”

Verdict: This is obviously a well-received cat toy, as it’s got positive ratings online and there are plenty of Youtube videos showing cats having fun with it. It’s lithium-ion rechargeable, so you won’t have to buy separate batteries, and it’s motion-activated with an off timer so the battery won’t drain during periods of inactivity. Overall it looks and feels pretty durable.

However, if your cat is ~~incredibly brave and daring~~ a big wimp, it may not be the toy for him or her. Bud’s 0 for 3 so far on attempted play sessions.

Buddy may yet come around and relax enough around the fish to play with it. If he does, I’ll update this post accordingly.