Buddy Demands A More Epic Name

NEW YORK — After seeing photos of Gandalf, a tabby who grew a magnificent coat worthy of his namesake after he was rescued, Buddy the Cat demanded a more epic name on Monday, sources said.

“Look at this one,” Buddy said, waving a paw at an Instagram page for Grolgoth the Unstoppable, a four-year-old tuxedo from Skokie, Illinois.

“Or even something like this guy,” Buddy scrolled to a photo of a pantherine black cat named Razorclaw. “Why can’t I be a Razorclaw, a Duke Destructo or an Ares the Annihilator? Come to think of it, what the heck is a Buddy?”

The annoyed cat looked up the definition of his name, becoming even more perturbed at the Miriam-Webster entry:

Screenshot_2020-11-24 Definition of buddy Dictionary com

“What am I, a furry little toddler? I mean come on!”

“I mean, you could’ve named me something awesome like Brutus the Bone Cruncher,” Buddy complained to his human, Big Buddy. “Or Maximus! Or…or Steel Fang!”

(Above: Gandalf a year ago when he was rescued, left, and Gandalf now with his badass beard.)

As of press time, Buddy’s human reminded him that even his own toys terrify him, and the last time he got scared, he hid behind Big Buddy’s leg and cried.

“Those are false allegations!” Buddy said. “Retract them, or I shall poop in your shoes when you least expect it!”

12 thoughts on “Buddy Demands A More Epic Name”

  1. No name can properly convey the ferocity of mighty Buddy. His reputation alone makes cats, dogs and humans quake in fear. Spare us from your wrath, oh magnificent Buddy!

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  2. Mirriam-Webster left out the information that “buddy” is an archaic contraction of “brother.”

    Don’t know if that will make Brutus the Bone-Crusher feel better or worse.

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    1. Yeah I saw something about etymologists saying the word likely had its origins in “baby speak” from kids who couldn’t say “brother.” I suspect that will make Bud feel even less badass.

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      1. He’s gonna be disappointed: No large family gathering this Thanksgiving due to COVID, which means no turkey to bring home for him. I’m a vegetarian in large part because of Bud: I knew cats could be quirky and smart, but with Buddy I’d adopted an intelligent, curious cat who wears his emotions on his, er, paw, and leaves no question that there’s a thinking, feeling personality in his little head. It really makes you think about what we eat.

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  3. Tell Buddy he already has the most magnificent name of all! He has the same name as Buddy Holly, the greatest musician of all time and the Father of Rock n Roll! Or if he still doesn’t think “Buddy” is formal enough for his greatness, you can call him Charles Hardin Holley (Buddy Holly’s birth name 🙂 )

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  4. Years ago, a neighbor found a kitten screaming in another neighbor’s backyard (The house was vacant, and the lawn was never attended to, giving the backyard the look of the Amazon). The kitten had somehow gotten ivy wrapped around her little neck. Hero neighbor fought his way through the yard, finally reaching the kitten and freeing her from the ivy. Then he offered her to me, the street’s Cat Lady. I named her Ivy, nickname Ivy Spivy. That was OK when she was a kitten, but upon reaching her first birthday, she hipped me to the fact that Ivy Spivy wasn’t gonna fly no more. She’s now officially named Ivy Spivington.

    Liked by 2 people

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