Buddy The Cat Furious After Can Opening Turns Out To Be Corn

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat was enraged Friday night when he was woken from a deep sleep by the sound of an aluminum can being opened, then bolted upright, jumped off the bed and ran to the kitchen only to find his human with a freshly-opened can of corn in his hands.

Calling such incidents “cruel teases” and “deeply unfair” to him and other felines, the silver tabby demanded the food industry develop alternate methods of packaging human food.

“We’ve all heard the plasticky rustle of a bag and come running, just drooling with anticipation for the Temps only to skid to a halt as we catch that first putrid whiff of sour cream and onion potato chips or tortilla chips,” Buddy told reporters at a press conference later Friday evening. “I’m not judging, by the way, but human food is disgusting. I mean, you literally eat leaves and call it ‘salad’ so you forget you’re eating leaves. Give me a mound of chicken in a paste-like consistency any day.”

Cats don't like salad!
Torture: Cats are offended by the very presence of salad. How can humans consume such disgusting food?

Joining him at the podium, four-year-old Siamese Burton recalled his disappointment at hearing the crinkle of an aluminum package and scurrying to the kitchen to witness his servant, Olivia, scattering 4C breadcrumbs onto a vegetarian casserole bound for the oven.

“I almost puked,” Burton said, shuddering from the trauma as Buddy placed a supportive paw on his shoulder. “Vegetarian casserole! Vegetables! How do you people eat this stuff? It’s madness!”

If humans were genuinely considerate of their feline friends, Buddy insisted, they’d make some of their own food palatable to cats.

“I’m not just talking about cooking a nice steak without any spices or sauces,” Buddy said. “Why not make beef pate flavor potato chips or apples that taste like salmon? Has anyone ever thought of tuna-flavored ice cream? I bet you wouldn’t even be able to keep it in stock, that’s how popular it would be.”

Cat chips
Salmon-flavored potato chips would be a hot seller, President Buddy insists. Credit: Reddit

The former president of the Americats said his bad experiences with food have even prompted ideas about opening up his own restaurant for cats.

“Not one of those lousy casual dining places either,” he said. “I’m talkin’ about a nice type of joint where the waiters wear bow ties and open the cans right in front of you at the table. The kind of place that has you check your collar at the entrance, where you could take a lady friend.”

Reached after his feline’s hastily-arranged press conference, human Big Buddy said he wasn’t aware his cat was campaigning for alternative forms of food packaging.

“That’s tragic,” he said, “because I’ve got a big bag of pistachio nuts I’m planning on opening later. Maybe I’ll wait to do that until Bud’s fast asleep. You know, for entertainment purposes.”

17 thoughts on “Buddy The Cat Furious After Can Opening Turns Out To Be Corn”

  1. Thanxfullee all mee food canss are pull tabss so mee not mee hopess up when mee heerss can opener….
    Mee not wanna see a pea or a reen been AGAIN Buddy!
    Mee LOVESS Gouda an Chedder Cheeze two!!
    An Salmon flavered ‘tato chipss wuud bee pawsum! even BellaSita meowed shee wuud eat them 😉
    Big Buddy wee hope Buddy furgivess you an NO ‘poo inn THE shoe’ happenss !!
    **nose bopss** BellaDharma an 🙂 BellaSita Mum

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, Buddy you should train your Human better.

    It may be a pull top can but you can teach your Human to use a variety of can openers to open THEIR food cans. A simple hand Can Opener or the Restaurant style with the large swing arm. Or even an electric model (if you are lucky enough to have a rich Human) all can work and make a completely different sound and allow you to continue to Nap with blissful Purring and know if you hear that Ping! it’s your call to chow down and lick your face!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Bella ALWAYS responds to the event of crinkly plastic opening, and no treats forthcoming with a stealthy claw, generally at 3 am… Mi5 cat tactics from her training handbook

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Yes, my cats would come running at the sound of a can opening.
    It wasn’t cruel teasing, however, that made me let them sniff the contents of the cans so that they could be sure that it wasn’t for them. They would get the hint and walk off.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oreo is a bottomless pit. I’ve turned & lost lettuce, he’ll lick butter, and of course the obvious things are fair game. I have no issue putting him off the counter 7 or 8 times but my roommate will give in & sadly Oreo has restrictions. So I keep a can of cat food in the fridge & I allow him to give him a few drops on a napkin or paper plate. I’ve never been able to find another solution. Oreo also behaves better with me & he listens more. Well more, as in “Cat More” which is, I say “No”, like 3 times or “Back up”, 2 times & then he just sits behind me giving me the stink eye & eagerly awaits something to fall to the floor. That’s my only caveat, if it’s on the floor & it’s not going to hurt you, it’s yours… Needless to say, ever so rarely do things fall & if it does, it’s a teeny piece of chopped onion which he’ll sniff & leave behind! Even giant Oreo has standards but not many. Good thing I love his giant butt!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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