NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat was enraged Friday night when he was woken from a deep sleep by the sound of an aluminum can being opened, then bolted upright, jumped off the bed and ran to the kitchen only to find his human with a freshly-opened can of corn in his hands.
Calling such incidents “cruel teases” and “deeply unfair” to him and other felines, the silver tabby demanded the food industry develop alternate methods of packaging human food.
“We’ve all heard the plasticky rustle of a bag and come running, just drooling with anticipation for the Temps only to skid to a halt as we catch that first putrid whiff of sour cream and onion potato chips or tortilla chips,” Buddy told reporters at a press conference later Friday evening. “I’m not judging, by the way, but human food is disgusting. I mean, you literally eat leaves and call it ‘salad’ so you forget you’re eating leaves. Give me a mound of chicken in a paste-like consistency any day.”
Joining him at the podium, four-year-old Siamese Burton recalled his disappointment at hearing the crinkle of an aluminum package and scurrying to the kitchen to witness his servant, Olivia, scattering 4C breadcrumbs onto a vegetarian casserole bound for the oven.
“I almost puked,” Burton said, shuddering from the trauma as Buddy placed a supportive paw on his shoulder. “Vegetarian casserole! Vegetables! How do you people eat this stuff? It’s madness!”
If humans were genuinely considerate of their feline friends, Buddy insisted, they’d make some of their own food palatable to cats.
“I’m not just talking about cooking a nice steak without any spices or sauces,” Buddy said. “Why not make beef pate flavor potato chips or apples that taste like salmon? Has anyone ever thought of tuna-flavored ice cream? I bet you wouldn’t even be able to keep it in stock, that’s how popular it would be.”
The former president of the Americats said his bad experiences with food have even prompted ideas about opening up his own restaurant for cats.
“Not one of those lousy casual dining places either,” he said. “I’m talkin’ about a nice type of joint where the waiters wear bow ties and open the cans right in front of you at the table. The kind of place that has you check your collar at the entrance, where you could take a lady friend.”
Reached after his feline’s hastily-arranged press conference, human Big Buddy said he wasn’t aware his cat was campaigning for alternative forms of food packaging.
“That’s tragic,” he said, “because I’ve got a big bag of pistachio nuts I’m planning on opening later. Maybe I’ll wait to do that until Bud’s fast asleep. You know, for entertainment purposes.”
Pain In The Bud 
🤣🤣🤣My friends cats will eat tofu. Kale and more healty human foods. As long as human foods are not harmful.
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Tofu and kale? Impressive. Bud likes popcorn. I always remove the bits of kernel before giving it to him. He also likes cheese, especially Gouda and American.
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I could live on cheese!! 🧀🧀🧀
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Expect a lump of coal in your stocking Big Buddy! Or something else from the litter box!
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Meanwhile in real life he gets a snack whenever I eat anything, because he follows me into the kitchen and looks at me with his big green eyes all expectant and hopeful. I’m a pushover.
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Buddy-Cat is a funny little guy ❤
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That’s why I keep him around. 😸
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My cat is a pain in the ass but i also keep him around. 🤣🤣
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Thanxfullee all mee food canss are pull tabss so mee not mee hopess up when mee heerss can opener….
Mee not wanna see a pea or a reen been AGAIN Buddy!
Mee LOVESS Gouda an Chedder Cheeze two!!
An Salmon flavered ‘tato chipss wuud bee pawsum! even BellaSita meowed shee wuud eat them 😉
Big Buddy wee hope Buddy furgivess you an NO ‘poo inn THE shoe’ happenss !!
**nose bopss** BellaDharma an 🙂 BellaSita Mum
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The great nation of Japan has salmon flavored potato chips, because of course they do lol:
https://www.cocoislandmart.com/products/jackn-jill-potato-chips-salmon-sushi-wasabi-flavour-1-58oz-45g
Gouda seems to be super popular with cats. They scarf that stuff down.
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Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, Buddy you should train your Human better.
It may be a pull top can but you can teach your Human to use a variety of can openers to open THEIR food cans. A simple hand Can Opener or the Restaurant style with the large swing arm. Or even an electric model (if you are lucky enough to have a rich Human) all can work and make a completely different sound and allow you to continue to Nap with blissful Purring and know if you hear that Ping! it’s your call to chow down and lick your face!
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Buddy says he likes the way you think. When in doubt, the human should be the one to change or moderate their behavior, not the cat. Especially when it comes to vitally important naps.
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Bella ALWAYS responds to the event of crinkly plastic opening, and no treats forthcoming with a stealthy claw, generally at 3 am… Mi5 cat tactics from her training handbook
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I would not want to be the person who stands between Bella and her treats, not with her storied history of spycraft and years in Her Majesty’s service.
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Yes, my cats would come running at the sound of a can opening.
It wasn’t cruel teasing, however, that made me let them sniff the contents of the cans so that they could be sure that it wasn’t for them. They would get the hint and walk off.
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They don’t want to stick their faces in it? lol. Buddy likes to get up in there just to make absolutely sure it’s not something he’s gonna want.
Even then, sometimes he doesn’t stop!
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Oreo is a bottomless pit. I’ve turned & lost lettuce, he’ll lick butter, and of course the obvious things are fair game. I have no issue putting him off the counter 7 or 8 times but my roommate will give in & sadly Oreo has restrictions. So I keep a can of cat food in the fridge & I allow him to give him a few drops on a napkin or paper plate. I’ve never been able to find another solution. Oreo also behaves better with me & he listens more. Well more, as in “Cat More” which is, I say “No”, like 3 times or “Back up”, 2 times & then he just sits behind me giving me the stink eye & eagerly awaits something to fall to the floor. That’s my only caveat, if it’s on the floor & it’s not going to hurt you, it’s yours… Needless to say, ever so rarely do things fall & if it does, it’s a teeny piece of chopped onion which he’ll sniff & leave behind! Even giant Oreo has standards but not many. Good thing I love his giant butt!!!
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