NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat came a step closer to achieving his dream of becoming a powerful feline warlord on Saturday with the acquisition of a glorious chariot, sources confirmed.
“From this chariot, adorned in full battle dress, I shall survey the fields of conflict and lead my forces, bringing to heel all who would oppose me,” Buddy said, excitedly jumping onto his new vehicle of conveyance.
“Perish in the flames of my righteous fury!”
Sources familiar with the militant tabby cat said that after completing the HBO series Rome, his past several days have been consumed with talk of “raising fresh levies,” and constructing a campaign map out of cat food, with clumps of kibble representing legions and treats representing generals.
Several felines familiar with his thinking said he’d assembled a plan to capture and conscript the strays and ferals of his immediate neighborhood before turning toward the next realm, which is ruled by Lord Lorenz Macaro, a powerful shorthaired Chartreux.
From there, Buddy would set his sights on conquering the fabled Store of Groceries.
The aspiring warlord cat had his human take him on a test run and was surprised to see several human infants in their own chariots.
“Excuse me,” Buddy asked a young mother pushing twins. “I didn’t know human babies rode war chariots.”
The woman laughed.
“War chariot, is it?” she laughed. “May I say, you look so adorable in your own little kitty pram!”
As of press time, sources close to Buddy said the enraged tabby cat had refocused his ire on Big Buddy for lying to him and telling him a baby stroller was a war chariot.