From the archives: June 17, 2014
NEW YORK — Buddy the Kitten celebrated another successful ambush on Tuesday after violently rousing his human from sleep, sources said.
The 14-week-old gray tabby howled with delight after climbing up onto the bed and launching himself at his human’s face, landing belly-first with a delightful THWAP! as the big stupid human screamed and bolted upright.
Buddy the Kitten promptly retreated to a dark corner of the bedroom, shaking his butt and trilling with joyful anticipation until he heard his human, Big Buddy, begin to snore again.
With a battle cry of “Rrrrrrrrrrr!” the 4.5-lb kitten chomped down on the human’s exposed foot, which was fortuitously left uncovered by the protective blanket when Big Buddy shifted during his sleep.
“Shit!” the human howled, recoiling from the kitten’s shark teeth and claws. “Let me sleep, you little jerk, or I’m selling you to Szechuan Garden II!”
At press time Buddy the Kitten was planning an elaborate new attack involving a makeshift trebuchet and a water balloon, and said he was unconcerned about his human’s threats to sell him to the local Chinese restaurant: “I am a good boy!”
He would likely leave that attack for the following night, the playful kitten said.
“I has to purr in the morning so my human thinks I’m just a sweet little kitten and feeds me turkeys,” Buddy the Kitten said. “Then I make war again! Muahahaha!”
5 thoughts on “Kitten Buddy Celebrates Successful Ambush”
I’m picturing a movie deal! Terminator inspired,the year is 2027 and Big Turkey rules the planet. Big Turkey sends a giant genetically engineered turkey back in time to take out Little Buddy before he grows up and takes control of all turkey manufacturing in the country!
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Turkinator 2: Yum Yum Day. Buddy races against time to gain control of Turkey, and belatedly realizes the country has nothing to do with the bird. With the T-800 clucking on his tail, Buddy must defend the world’s strategic turkey reserve from the Evil Robot Turkeys from the future.
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Aww, he’s still cute though!
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Even the highly satirical/jokey stuff like this is “based on a true story,” so to speak. He was an absolute terror when he was a kitten and loved to attack me in my sleep lol.
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