Big Buddy: Hello and thank you for joining us as we watch one of our favorite movies, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I’m Big Buddy.
Little Buddy: And I’m the more handsome Buddy.
BB: This one’s a classic stoner comedy, a Cheech and Chong for the 2000s about roommates who get really high one night, venture out in search of White Castle burgers and end up on an adventure. It’s really that simple.
LB: And delicious.
BB: Yes. Now Harold is the straight-laced one and already his co-workers are dumping their unfinished tasks on him as they head out of the office on Friday.
LB: Seriously uncool.
BB: Indeed. I love this scene where Harold calls Kumar, his roommate, to tell Kumar he will not be home until late and won’t be able to partake in their Friday night ritual. Kumar’s in a job interview for a resident’s position at a hospital and he stops the interview to take the call.
LB: The guy interviewing him can’t believe it. Is this within bounds of human etiquette during job interviews, servant?
BB: It is not. Neither is mentioning getting high later or grabbing a photo of the interviewer’s daughter off his desk and lusting after her, as Kumar is doing right now.
LB: Well it didn’t take much to convince Harold to ditch the work and come home. Now he’s in an elevator with a human female, riding it up to his floor. Why doesn’t he talk to the human female?
BB: He’s scared.
LB: Preposterous! I would be like “Hi, I’m Buddy, I’m a very handsome and meowscular cat.” But only if she was also a cat.
BB: Sure, sure. Okay, so Harold’s home and Kumar is getting out the…
LB: Catnip! Wow! That’s a lot of catnip!
BB: Uh…
LB: That looks like really good catnip, dude!
BB: Sure, yeah. Catnip.
LB: But why are they putting it in that contraption and…smoking it?
BB: That’s the way humans, uh, enjoy catnip.
LB: I swear, you are the weirdest species. Why can’t you just roll around in it and eat it like I do, like a civilized creature?
BB: Because we are uncivilized, obviously.
LB: You said it. They both look like they’re zombies. Zombies who laugh a lot.
BB: That is essentially what they are thanks to the catnip. It has that effect on humans. And look! A White Castle commercial!
LB: Oh my God! Those juicy burgers!
[Harold and Kumar have a similar reaction on screen, mesmerized by the delicious White Castle burgers in the commercial.]
LB: Look at them! They’re perfect. They’re small, juicy, delicious burgers. Perfect for a cat!
[Little Buddy flings himself at the TV and tries to lick the screen.]
BB: Calm down, dude.
LB: I can’t. I need those burgers! Where are they, servant? Where is the nearest White Castle?
BB: In Yonkers.
LB: Let’s go! Get your keys! But first, the catnip.
BB: I’m not going to Yonkers now.
LB: Yes you are. We are. Retrieve the catnip for me, get your keys and put your shoes on.
BB: No.
LB: That is an order, servant!
BB: You’re missing the movie, little dude. See? Harold and Kumar are leaving their apartment to embark upon their adventure.
LB: As are we. Don’t make me make you cooperate.
[20 minutes later after incessant, brutal, maximally annoying screeching.]
BB: Fine! Okay? You win, just stop! Stop, please! Man, I have a headache now. What are you staring at me like that for?
LB: Hoist me up. I’m going to ride on your shoulder.
BB: I can carry you to the car.
LB: That would be undignified, whereas if I ride on your shoulder, there will be little doubt as to who’s in charge.
BB: Ugh. Fine, let’s get this over with.
LB: I can almost taste the burgers already! I want cheese on mine. And bacon. Hold the onions. Oh, and servant? Instead of fries, just get me more burgers. Do you think 17 is enough or should I get 23 just to be safe? Does the website say if they still have those little chicken patty burgers? We have to talk about the sauce, a sauce strategy so to speak, before we get there. That’s important. We really must hurry, my stomach is rumbling. What’d you do with the catnip? Gimme gimme…
Pain In The Bud 