famous cats – Page 2 – Pain In The Bud

This Cat Looks Like He’ll Murder You In Your Sleep

Feline or Lovecraftian horror? You decide.

Meet Xherdan.

Also, we assume, known as Xherdan the Sun Eater, Xherdan the Bane of Hope, He Who Sups on Souls, and Xherdan the Earthcrusher.

The incredibly wrinkly Sphinx cat is served by a Swiss woman named Sandra Filippi, who insists the feline, despite looking like the brain of a malevolent alien, is just a big softy who enjoys cuddling and napping when he’s not talking. We’ll give Filippi the benefit of the doubt and won’t allege those talks include nefarious plans for the subjugation of the human race, but only until we get solid evidence.

Where some of us see a Lovecraftian horror from the deepest Cthulian depths, Filippi sees an adorable kitty.

“When I first saw him, he immediately stole my heart,” Filippi told the Daily Mail. “His wrinkled pink skin, as fine as a peach, and his turquoise eyes, I was in love.”

Although she doesn’t explicitly say so, it appears her cat is named after footballer Xherdan Shaqiri, a Swiss midfielder who plays for Liverpool.

We’ve taken the liberty of making some very small adjustments (barely noticeable, really) to one of Xherdan’s photos in Pixlr, just to show our readers what an excellent Evil Overlord this cat would make:

But the truth is, he doesn’t need glowing smoke coming from his eyes or dramatic lighting. He looks terrifying enough as it is:

sphinxcat — **Xherdan orders his minions to feast on the corpses of unbelievers.**

sphinx5 — **Xherdan grooms himself after easily reducing another human city to rubble and salting the earth it stood on.**

sphinx4 — **Xherdan threatens to wipe motorists from existence in a column of balefire if they don’t make way for his vehicle.**

Buddy Unscathed After Tour Bus Overturned By Screaming Japanese Fans

The international feline superstar escaped unharmed, authorities confirmed.

TOKYO — Buddy was uninjured after his tour bus was besieged and overturned by a massive crowd of screaming Japanese school girls, the famous cat’s representatives said Sunday.

Buddy, who touched down Friday in Tokyo for his “Got 2 Have Turkeys” tour, was en route to a performance and album signing in Shibuya Tower Records on Saturday afternoon when his tour bus was blocked by a phalanx of paparazzi. A large crowd that had assembled outside the store gravitated toward the street, surrounding the bus and making it impossible for the vehicle to escape in reverse.

“At first it was just normal stuff: The crowd chanting for Buddy, girls throwing their bras at the windows, boys calling out for autographs,” said MC Kibble, who has been touring with Buddy as the opening act and hype cat. “But when I felt the bus lurch, I knew we were in deep litter. The shit hit the sand, so to speak, and we got jolted around pretty good when they shoved the bus onto its side.”

a1931f8ffbf241a4a7be1cea19ec6ad2 — Ai Imajo, left, Asako Imamura and Yuki Mori react after spotting Buddy surrounded by guards and handlers at Haneda International Airport in Tokyo on Friday night.

The crowd was dispersed by Tokyo Metropolitan Police as paramedics arrived and cleared the bus. One roadie suffered a fractured rib, authorities said, but most of the occupants made it out with only a few scrapes and bruises.

An ambulance took Buddy to an undisclosed hospital, where he was discharged after only an hour.

“It was just a precautionary measure,” said the celebrity cat’s human servant, Big Buddy. “We had to make sure His Grace was in top shape before he continues his tour.”

Buddy is scheduled to perform for sold-out crowds at Saitama Super Arena on Monday and Sapporo Concert Hall in Hokkaido on Tuesday before heading to Hong Kong for the next leg of the “Got 2 Have Turkeys” tour.

Time Mag’s Top 10 Cats List Deemed Illegitimate, Doesn’t Include Buddy

The magazine proved itself out of touch with its latest embarrassing oversight.

Time magazine has published what it calls the “Ultimate Chaotic Cattitude Power Ranking,” and Buddy is not on the list.

“The failing Time magazine didn’t even put me on their top 10 cats list. If they did, maybe they would sell more copies! Sad!” Buddy tweeted after the story was published.

Others expressed their outrage at Time’s snub.

”Time magazine has proven itself irrelevant by failing to include the handsomest tabby in America, and quite possibly the world,” gossip meower Pawrez Hilton wrote. “Do they realize thousands of kittens have posters of Buddy on their walls? He’s absolutely dreamy.”

“No Buddy? Absurd!” Meower user @SexyCalico24 commented. “I mean, have you seen his muscles? RAWR!”

Time’s editors were forced to backtrack after a deluge of angry phone calls and emails, along with a hundreds-strong protest outside the magazine’s Manhattan headquarters.

“It was a grave oversight on our part to exclude Buddy from our list, and we apologize,” the magazine’s editors wrote in a statement. “We know it will take time to win back the trust of our readers, but we hope to make it up to them with a 24-page photo spread of Buddy in our April issue.”

Claws Woodward, a purrfessor of feline journalism at the Harvard School for Cat Studies, said the embarrassing oversight is a sign that Time magazine is out of touch with kittens and young cats.

“Buddy is an action hero, like Snacky Chan or Ahnold Schwarzenmeower,” Woodward said. “With his movie star good looks and his rippling muscles, he clearly should have been on that list. I mean, ‘Jealous Cat’? Real Housewives meme cat? Come on! You don’t put Z-listers ahead of one of the most treasured cats of our generation.”

Still, not everyone was convinced Buddy should have made the list. Pop singer Taylor Swift was among those who clapped back at Buddy for his vanity.

“Buddy who?” Swift tweeted, throwing shade at the Budster. “If any cats should be on that list, my kitties should occupy all ten spots. I’m going to write a song about how they were cheated. Let me finish!”