It’s hard out there for a patrician cat.
By the time the newest batch of humans arrives from the provinces, they’re ragged and often useless, but the auctioneers drive a hard bargain anyway. And training them to meet all the needs of a noblecat? Nearly impossible.
We asked six Roman cats whether they’re satisfied with the humans they own:
“They do not call me Dominus, they do not show proper deference and they are often unforgivably late with my meals. I am a magnanimous feline, but these slights cannot go unanswered. No more Mr. Nice Gaius!” – Gaius Magnus Pawlinius
“My human insists on speaking to me in a baby voice. I warned her: ‘Woman, test not the patience of your Dominus, for it is not a quality I possess in great quantity.’ She responded by rubbing salt in my wound, saying ‘Oh you’re just adorable aren’t you? Who’s adorable? You are! You’re my adorbz widdle baby, yes you are!’ I shall have her lashed for her insolence!” – Gingerius Tabbylo Posca
“I enjoy making my humans fight each other for the privilege of my affections. They’re incessantly trying to one-up each other, going to extraordinary lengths to win my favor. What more could a good Roman feline ask for?” – Voidicus Duskus Glaber
“Originally I purchased my humans as an investment for my ludus, to bring me glory and riches in the arena! My name would echo from Capua to Rome! But then I realized that humans are excellent at pulling chariots and unlike horses they don’t incessantly eject foul odors. Also, they eat less.” – Smoothilius Sphynxus Cossutius
“When it comes to humans, you must accept the fact that they are dim creatures who are often incapable of following orders. Whilst dispatching my primary servant to the market, I made clear my demands for fresh fish, raw beef and rodent meat. Yet he returned with these ghastly hard balls he calls ‘kibble’ that taste like cardboard. Worse, he is entirely incompetent as a hunter, so I am forced to catch my own food. This no noblecat should have to endure!” – Clawdius Quintus Catrillo
“They objected to being branded with my cognomen and their insolence shall be punished accordingly. It must be made clear they belong to me! That said, they make pretty good snacks. Flavorful, yet not fattening!” – Marcus Flavius Flufficus
All images and text ©2024 Pain In The Bud/littlebuddythecat.com
Previously:
Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About Humans Identifying As Felines?
Cat On The Street: How Will You Celebrate Labor Day?
Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About Humans Translating Your Meows?
Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About The Spy Balloons?
Cat On The Street: What Do You Think Of Harry And Meghan’s War On The Royal Family?
Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About The New Discovery From Ancient Egypt?
Chick and his Roman nose approve!
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I bow down before Voidicus Duskus Glaber. However, I think Smoothilius Sphynxus Cossutius is pretty sexy. Had a dream last night that involved 6 white cats – perhaps Marcus Flavius Flufficus had a hand in this.
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That sounds like a nice dream. I have all sorts of weird cat dreams, probably because Bud jumps all over me at night and tries to wake me up for scritches or to hang out. I mean, I appreciate the sentiment but it’s awful for trying to get uninterrupted sleep.
Cossutius and Glaber are named after characters in Spartacus, and I couldn’t resist naming a cat Gaius for the opportunity to say “No more Mr. Nice Gaius!”
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Cats are routinely a part of my dreaming state (quelle surprise) but I’ve never before dreamed of WHITE CATS. Yes, it was a beautiful dream and I woke up feeling wonderful.
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🤣🤣🤣I wake up to my cat on the bed next to me with his chest sticking out.Staring at me while i turned around in bed. I wonder if he read this article. 🤣🤣Anyway, i ordered some extra treats this am. He just kept staring and staring.
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