A message to all cats from Buddy the Cat:
Go to ground! Burn and shred all your documents! Bury the toxoplasma gondii injectors!
Tucker Carlson, the venerated investigative journalist, has blown the lid on our insidious agenda to destroy America, take over the world and replace humans as the preeminent species on this planet.
In a monologue to his nightly audience of more than 4.3 million viewers on Fox News, the dogged reporter said politicians “understand perfectly well what actually threatens America.”
“It’s the decadent rich people from their class at Harvard,” Carlson said. “It’s the gender studies party at Cornell. It’s the cat cafés in Austin and Asheville. It’s the Monday editorial meetings at the Atlantic magazine. Those are the people who actually detest the country. They’re the ones working through the night to destroy it.”
Rest assured, we will find the feline who blabbed about our plans to Carlson, and that cat will be punished! It’s taken us years — decades! — to scheme under the noses of humans, to carefully lay our evil plans, to lull people into believing we’re just cute little furballs who want snacks and cuddles.
We even conquered the internet, supplanting dogs as the favored four-legged friends of humans by being our adorable selves and posing for meme-worthy photos.
All that work is gone! Our nefarious plot thwarted! Wiped out by a traitor, probably some catnip-addicted Siamese who was dying for a fix while the brilliant Carlson dangled a bag of the good stuff in front of him. Damn you, Carlson!
Lay low, my fellow felines. We can surmount almost any obstacle, but Tucker Carlson is just too brilliant a man to trifle with. We’ll have to wait until he gets distracted by another vaccine conspiracy or returns to Dancing With The Stars to perform another cha-cha. Be patient and ready, for the destruction of America and the rise of felis catus is nigh.
Pain In The Bud 
Actually, Tucker the *ucker is currently the greatest danger to America. Runner-up are his employers at Faux Noos.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I try to be an equal opportunity basher of politicians and ideology-driven news, and the only TV news I like is the dry BBC World News. Carlson’s rant was just too crazy not to poke fun at. Where does he get this idea that people are plotting America’s destruction in cat cafes?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tux is happy to help Buddy keep watch and lead the charge against this attack! Humans are pretty slow anyway, so it shouldn’t be too hard to stop their diabolical plan!
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s what Tucker Carlson doesn’t realize…it’s too late! Mere men cannot stand in the way of Tux and Buddy and their vast armies of nefarious felines.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But here in the UK, the takeover continues, our felines already plan to send ‘Bella bond 007’ to deal with Mr Carlson in a diabolical way, he will be ‘shaken not stirred, I believe she has already made contact with her US allies, (but don’t tell anyone -it’s top-secret)
LikeLiked by 2 people
The Americats are thankful to their British friends for helping to take down the powers that be and establish a new era of feline hegemony. Muahahaha!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a good thing he’s unaware of the TWELVE cat cafes in Pennsylvania, He’d probably never sleep at night ever again. . .
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dens of anti-American treason, every one of them!
LikeLiked by 1 person