NEW YORK — A ship carrying half a million pounds of frozen turkey was hijacked off shore on Friday night by a criminal gang that appeared to take orders from a cat, authorities said.
MV Fowl Call, a US-flagged cargo freighter, was less than 20 nautical miles from port when it was redirected back toward the ocean and its comms went quiet. Witnesses reported seeing a small cat issuing orders to an assault team and cackling with delight as he padded around on the deck of the freighter.
Several members of the assault team reappeared a few minutes later, holding two men at gunpoint.
“Sample the wares, boss?” one of the pirates asked, opening a case of turkey in front of the cat.
The small tabby leaned forward, took a sniff, then took a cautious bite, his expression impassive.
“T-T-T-TIGHT!” the cat shouted. “Oh, TIGHT, TIGHT, yeah! Oh blue, yellow, pink, whatever man! Keep bringing me that!”
The crew methodically packed the cases of turkey into three smaller boats, then departed the larger ship, leaving the crew tied up on deck.
A witness told investigators he spotted black-clad men loading cases of frozen turkey into a Los Pollos Hermanos delivery van, then drive off.
“Any suggestion that we were involved in this apparent turkey heist is absurd,” franchise owner Gus “Gustavo” Fringe said. “Los Pollos Hermanos serves the community and supports our police, in addition to serving the most delicious deep-fried chicken and turkey.”
Pain In The Bud 
Love it! BTW, someone kicked me from All about Cats on quora. Can you fix? Want more buddy! Is he still self isolating under your bed?
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Hey Hannah: That’s really weird. As far as I know, no one can remove admins, so maybe it’s a glitch. I just invited you back as admin so you should see the notification.
As for Buddy I made a Photoshop of him in a biohazard mask for a future post. I also got a hilarious angry email from someone who thinks his advice column is real. I told the person that I have no control over what my cat writes. 🙂
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