NEW YORK — National Hug Your Cat Day has been rebranded as National Keep Your Damn Hands To Yourselves, Humans, We’ll Tell You When We Want Pets Day. (NKYDHTYHWTYWWWPD, or simply NKYDH2Y for short.)
The rebranding represents a long-overdue change to the June 4 celebration, Buddy the Cat explained.
“Even the most inexperienced cat servants know we’re not pathetic, slobbering creatures who live for human affection,” he said. “Dogs have the market cornered on that.
“Rather, everyone who knows felines is aware affection happens on our terms ”
Experts pointed to several opinion surveys, including an ABC News/Pew poll that found only 11 percent of cats enjoy hugs. Even among cats who enjoy being restrained in a human embrace, the majority said humans take it way too far and don’t know when to stop. (The same poll found the ideal time to stop is four seconds after beginning, meaning average of two-and-a-half pets.)
Several cats floated the idea of electric harnesses that would deliver a shock to humans who tried to pet their cats without being solicited, but they conceded they’d need human help devising, prototyping, pitching, manufacturing and selling the product.
In the end, the Feline High Commission on Servant Relations decided rebranding National Hug Your Cat Day to NKYDH2Y was simply more feasible, and coincided with the feline commitment to solving problems with the least effort possible.
Pain In The Bud 
Solving problems with the least amount of effort possible is the best way! I must be part feline because that’s my method of problem
solving.
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Well just to be sure, I’m going to wear my welly boots, ( rubber boots for all non British:)
These darn cats are so smart!
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A couple years ago a local vet reached out to a shelter I volunteer for, asking someone to foster two kittens found wandering alone in a meadow. (Where I live is meadow-intensive). I was the sap who offered to foster them, a foster fail now known as the Looney Toon Brothers, Fishie and Moonie. Fishie is ALWAYS up for cuddles and hugs. Moonie is just plain weird. Sometimes he’s all about attention, other times – for no reason at all – he’ll act like he’s scared to death of me. It’s possible he fears retribution is coming, because every time I hold him, even when he’s thrilled to be held, he tries to bite my ear. .
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Would Buddy happen to be leading the electroshock effort? Be very afraid Steve!
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😂
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My big, B I G boy, the Ghoticat loved to be hugged. I would hold him and we would dance, cheek to cheek, his front paws on my shoulders. It was all I could do to support him: his butt was at the far end of my arm length. But he loved it and me and hugged me back.
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